tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2201165796329163117.post520605791964620576..comments2023-10-10T03:57:29.110-07:00Comments on Razing Ruth: Crumbling, crumblingRazing Ruthhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04854418022850278216noreply@blogger.comBlogger86125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2201165796329163117.post-46226372646945063562012-03-04T08:13:40.245-08:002012-03-04T08:13:40.245-08:00Gothard's School of B.S. has nothing to do wit...Gothard's School of B.S. has nothing to do with any religion. The religion is just a cover-up, an excuse, a rationalization for the subjugation of women and children. It gives a self-absorbed, egotistical, narcisstic man the right to abuse his wife & children (male & female), and expect complete and utter obedience. That's all.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2201165796329163117.post-5042537255113401482012-02-28T12:43:13.955-08:002012-02-28T12:43:13.955-08:00I am also 26 weeks prego right now, I can relate t...I am also 26 weeks prego right now, I can relate to your sister, YOUR FATHER IS EVILLLLL, EVIIIILLLLLL, and the baby's father is EVVVVIIILLLL as well not to MAN UP for his CREATION! If Rachel is "ho" than the baby's father is being a Double Duty MAN-HO right now!Zarinahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12230627343407777031noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2201165796329163117.post-18144406156909074572012-02-14T13:17:43.281-08:002012-02-14T13:17:43.281-08:00This comment has been removed by the author.Mariahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07406561607134231925noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2201165796329163117.post-77812406451476721522012-02-11T16:04:51.217-08:002012-02-11T16:04:51.217-08:00Many crisis pregnancy centers provide a great deal...Many crisis pregnancy centers provide a great deal of help. Everything from grocery gift cards to baby clothes and diapers, to post adoption counseling. Just wanted to say that they aren't the "bad guys."Michellenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2201165796329163117.post-16529611906866563522012-02-06T22:13:43.929-08:002012-02-06T22:13:43.929-08:00Okay. That's good. He's financially respon...Okay. That's good. He's financially responsible. Hope he is personally responsible enough for the visitation he will also be awarded. That's the problem with holding the father financially responsible. Although as I understand it if Rachel needs state assistance, she will have to declare the father and pursue child support for the baby.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2201165796329163117.post-73384320939469006992012-02-06T08:44:33.591-08:002012-02-06T08:44:33.591-08:00I would suggest Rachel document everything, but al...I would suggest Rachel document everything, but also ask her host family to document what they see as well. They will be less biased and may notice things that she doesn't. Keep dates, times, phone conversations, etc. She can also look at recording her phone calls to her family and his, check state and federal laws, but often she can just say that she is recording the conversation and if they don't hang up then they are agreeing to be recorded. Kinda like when you call a company and they say the phone call is being recorded for customer service, if you don't hang up then you are agreeing for them to record you even in states that have laws against recording. Good luck to her.WifeofBillnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2201165796329163117.post-59358459051135414282012-02-06T05:22:16.922-08:002012-02-06T05:22:16.922-08:00I am very sorry that this has happened to your sis...I am very sorry that this has happened to your sister. I feel even worse for her when you said what happened with your father. What a terrible thing to has happened to you and then you not get the support that you really need. I have to say one thing though your brother's boss and family are real saints, taking in someone who they do not know and giving them the help they need is TRULY a great person. I want to wish your sister good luck in what even happens.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2201165796329163117.post-89677285714841872972012-02-05T19:08:56.732-08:002012-02-05T19:08:56.732-08:00"That's as narrow-minded as saying that P..."That's as narrow-minded as saying that Planned Parenthood only wants to perform abortions."<br /><br />Off-topic, but thank you for saying this. Abortion is only a small part of what Planned Parenthood does, and is certainly not their main focus or their mission - but to hear some people tell it, their entire goal in life is to kill as many unborn babies as possible. So thank you for not spreading that bit of misinformation. <br /><br />However, this-<br />"...that is not the issue with Rachel, who being raised Christian and likely still identifies herself as Christian would understand their frame of reference."<br />-makes it sound like all Christians are automatically pro-life, and that isn't the case either. (Though I believe I understand how you meant it; and it's the wording, not the sentiment, that bothered me.)<br /><br />I have no experience with crisis pregnancy centers, but I deeply appreciate that you defended them without demonizing the more pro-choice options. And I feel like that shouldn't even be necessary to say, but the abortion issue is so polarizing... Anyway. No pro-life/pro-choice discussion here, please. Just well-wishes for Rachel and her baby.<br /><br />Ruth, if anything here is inappropriate or looks like it might cause trouble, please feel free to delete this comment.Michael Mockhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06233321050691782148noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2201165796329163117.post-23060299750861652732012-02-05T17:31:08.771-08:002012-02-05T17:31:08.771-08:00Chinton, that is certainly NOT true of the crisis ...Chinton, that is certainly NOT true of the crisis pregnancy centers I have worked with. They are very supportive of women at all stages of their pregnancy, and offer post-pregnancy and post-abortive counseling as well as much practical help to new mothers. Yes, they are overtly anti-abortion, but that is not the issue with Rachel, who being raised Christian and likely still identifies herself as Christian would understand their frame of reference. If Ruth wishes to private message me, I will personally call the crisis pregnancy center(s) of her choice and see what they could offer Rachel.<br /><br />But please don't be dismissive of crisis pregnancy centers as only wanting to prevent abortions. That's as narrow-minded as saying that Planned Parenthood only wants to perform abortions. The issue here is where Rachel can receive the practical help to go through her pregnancy and provide for herself and her baby after he or she is born. I have seen crisis pregnancy centers offer this to many women, but perhaps Planned Parenthood would as well and I am just ignorant if this.hsmomof3blessingshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00149668140801740734noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2201165796329163117.post-40593583282056792662012-02-05T17:15:12.158-08:002012-02-05T17:15:12.158-08:00I really like the idea of a virtual baby shower or...I really like the idea of a virtual baby shower or registry- or even a tip jar for donations for her. Rachel must be so scared right now. I don't have any good advice (I really wish that I did). But Ruth please let us know if there's anything that we can do. Maybe she can register at a wal-mart (or other type of store). Your readers can order online, and select an in-store delivery. She can then go pick up the items on her own. That's what we did for a friend who lived out of state, and that way there is no address. Or maybe we could set up a po box for gift cards, or send items to your brother. MY heart goes out to both of you. <br /><br />DreaDreahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04020053333476605856noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2201165796329163117.post-27716754973372368942012-02-05T13:52:15.954-08:002012-02-05T13:52:15.954-08:00Crisis Pregnancy centers provide no services. Thei...Crisis Pregnancy centers provide no services. Their main purpose is to persuade pregnant women to not have an abortion. Most have no medical staff and are notorious for handing out false information. Since Rachel is too far along to even consider an abortion there is no point in seeking them out. Planned Parenthood is a far better organization if there is one available in your area. Ultimately she will be to go where ever they will accept Medicaid.Chintonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08575639481231697001noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2201165796329163117.post-55501133154090423122012-02-05T09:08:33.808-08:002012-02-05T09:08:33.808-08:00"My fear is that Rachel could be in for a nas..."My fear is that Rachel could be in for a nasty custody fight or a horrible court-ordered visitation arrangement."<br /><br />Exactly! This cannot be stressed enough.<br /><br />Attorney ASAP!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2201165796329163117.post-21149599978265175142012-02-05T08:49:45.792-08:002012-02-05T08:49:45.792-08:00Just FYI on the father being in another state - I ...Just FYI on the father being in another state - I have a co-worker who is in a similar situation. She used to live in the same state as her son's father, but moved several years ago. Her son's father is a complete flake whom she's battled for child support for most of her son's life. <br /><br />Anyway, she did apply to the state of child support from the beginning. She had never received it (her son's father had been in prison for a good part of the time), but this year, she began getting checks. She found out through some mutual friends that her ex is out of prison and has a job now. But because the child support order is still on file from several years ago, his wages are garnished at a percentage that now goes to my friend. Finally!<br /><br />So, if Rachel applies to the state where her baby's father lives, a support order should follow him. I believe that this would be attached to his Social Security number as well, and if he were to get a job in another state, his wages would still be garnished. <br /><br />Best of luck to Rachel. If nothing else, I hope this helps her make a clean break with ATI and to move on with her life on her own terms. I'm glad she has you, your brother, and the family she is living with to help her in this situation. I know you have had some very tough times since leaving, but you've come a long way in that time, and I think Rachel will eventually come to look at you as a role model. :)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2201165796329163117.post-28314985261384456172012-02-05T06:20:04.477-08:002012-02-05T06:20:04.477-08:00Another thought: how is your mother holding up? I ...Another thought: how is your mother holding up? I really worry she will crack under the stress of losing yet another child and even worse, your father's blaming her for it all. Not that there is anything you can directly do, Ruth, but it is very tragic for all of you that his abuse and brainwashing are so extensive. Thank God (literally) that you have escaped from this! And that Rachel now is. Maybe the Quivering Daughters website could offer her some hope and direction?<br /><br />Am praying for you and your brother and especially Rachel. And for your mother; though I keep getting angry at her for not standing up to your father, I have seen with patients how hard it can be to break free of long-term brainwashing. But most of all for Rachel right now. My hugs to her especially. She's blessed you're her sister.hsmomof3blessingshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00149668140801740734noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2201165796329163117.post-83918888881816622882012-02-05T06:08:13.462-08:002012-02-05T06:08:13.462-08:00Also, I did NOT mean that I think Rachel is a slut...Also, I did NOT mean that I think Rachel is a slut. She is NOT!! I just meant that is how the boyfriend's family sees it. <br /><br />And by the way, her local crisis pregnancy center (or maybe a non-local one if your and her parents are involved with the local one) can offer her much emotional and practical support. Rachel would rightly be celebrated there as a precious child of God who chose to allow her own innocent baby to have the chance for life despite the difficult circumstances of his or her conception. She would also have further exposure to less judgmental Christians who truly demonstrate Christ's love rather than show hatred to their own daughter in need.hsmomof3blessingshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00149668140801740734noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2201165796329163117.post-3277916479399831862012-02-05T05:58:45.789-08:002012-02-05T05:58:45.789-08:00As a family doctor for 21 years I've seen many...As a family doctor for 21 years I've seen many instances where after the baby is born and paternity is established, the boyfriend's mother decides she does want access to the child after all. My fear is that Rachel could be in for a nasty custody fight or a horrible court-ordered visitation arrangement. After all, in order to maintain their image as an upright God-fearing Christian family, once it is proven that the baby is indeed their grandchild they will have to change their stance from vilifying the slut who's lying about their son to concerned grandparents trying to do all they can for their grandchild. Rachel has definitely got to get a family lawyer involved ASAP.hsmomof3blessingshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00149668140801740734noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2201165796329163117.post-18426498168834798822012-02-04T17:22:38.856-08:002012-02-04T17:22:38.856-08:00This is kind of a tough one... on the one hand, th...This is kind of a tough one... on the one hand, the person who fathered the child has a legal and moral obligation to support the child unless parental rights are completely terminated and the child is put up for adoption. If Rachel goes the adoption route, paternity may have to be established in order for the birth father to terminate rights. This stuff varies from state to state and you need someone who knows this jurisdiction. <br /><br />My wife was adopted, given up for adoption at birth. At the time (early '70s), the law was that the father had to terminate rights as well as the mother. The only problem was that they could not find him. He had relocated. After a search, the judge went ahead and terminated rights. If this little wick-dipper does fess up, he's on the hook for child support - but - he also may decide that he wants to be involved in the life of this child. Does Rachel want to be involved with this guy for potentially the rest of her life, even if she doesn't marry him? That's a distinct possibility. <br /><br />I echo what others have said... Rachel needs to educate herself and she needs an advocate. My tendancy would be to argue in favor of considering adoption because her family does not appear to be supportive and she is trying to work her way out of this ATI stuff. Add the stresses of new motherhood, the prospect of education and becoming self-supportive.. it may be too much for her. I really don't know. If she keeps the child, it's going to be a very hard road.<br /><br />No easy answers here. Ruth, just be there for her. Think of what you needed most when you made your break and be ready to offer that if it is within your ability to do so and Rachel is willing to accept your help. I truly wish the best for her and for you. <br /><br />Blessings, <br /><br />Jim K.Jim K.noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2201165796329163117.post-32181692492335945642012-02-04T16:10:41.994-08:002012-02-04T16:10:41.994-08:00Lizzy, the thing is...once the courts are involved...Lizzy, the thing is...once the courts are involved...people can go nutsy-cukoo. <br /><br />Rachel is not going to have a choice. Once she applies for public assistance, the State WILL pursue reimbursement from Dad, and that is where someone as sheltered and vulnerable as Rachel can be hauled over the coals.<br /><br />The scenarios are endless, and she needs to be prepared.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2201165796329163117.post-80530366974198499962012-02-04T11:59:46.235-08:002012-02-04T11:59:46.235-08:00Ruth,
My name is Ginger, and I live in North West...Ruth,<br /><br />My name is Ginger, and I live in North West Arkansas. My cousin is an attorney (Mark Martin in Fayetteville). My mother is a midwife in Texas and would gladly help your sister find one here in NWA. Please let me know if I can be of any help in this situation.Gingerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05027173349096154496noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2201165796329163117.post-33711993172632789942012-02-04T11:42:19.909-08:002012-02-04T11:42:19.909-08:00yes, i know that re: child support, they would be ...yes, i know that re: child support, they would be dealing directly with the courts. however i know they could end up screwing around and making it difficult for rachel in a roundabout way. seen that one way too many times to count, including the example i gave way up there.Lizzyhttp://therewalksalady.tumblr.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2201165796329163117.post-50971183758055502962012-02-04T11:23:53.671-08:002012-02-04T11:23:53.671-08:00Not an attorney by any stretch of the imagination,...Not an attorney by any stretch of the imagination, but I don't think a contemporaneous diary or journal needs to be "notarized" to be accepted in court.<br /><br />As far as child support is concerned, it likely won't be Rachel they'll be dealing with, but the court system and social services. I agree with the posters here to suggest she get in touch with the social services where she is, not only for her current relief, but also for planning her future.Tikatuhttp://www.tikatu.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2201165796329163117.post-23806340237527811252012-02-04T10:41:47.959-08:002012-02-04T10:41:47.959-08:00thinking about it, i'm not so much worried abo...thinking about it, i'm not so much worried about the father...after all, he did the deed and all...what i'm worrying about is his parents who ultimately control him [or, obviously, try to]. after this transgression they may become so strict with him that when rachel seeks support they may put her through the wringer and make it as difficult and inconvenient as possible for her. i get the baby's right to be supported by a mum and a dad, but let's face it, in today's society that just doesn't happen near as often as it should. and there are perfectly good, well-adjusted people who grow up without the support of one of their parents.<br /><br />the diary/journal/notebook thing is an awesome idea. again, does anyone know if it's possible to have it notorized or something to make it more "official"? or something?Lizzyhttp://therewalksalady.tumblr.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2201165796329163117.post-57801181770491368262012-02-04T10:31:54.560-08:002012-02-04T10:31:54.560-08:00"The father does ultimately have rights even ..."The father does ultimately have rights even if you don't acknowledge him. If he were to have a change of heart even years from now"<br /><br />This cannot be stressed enough. Echoing everyone here.<br /><br />Rachel does need to consult an attorney as soon as possible. IME, babies have a way of melting the hardest of hearts (Daddy Darth excluded, of course), and odds are even that Dad and the paternal grandparents will at least be curious, or possibly want to play a role in the baby's life. Rachel must document her experiences to date, and if possible, keep a daily diary of the steps she is taking to secure her own future, and that of her child's.<br /><br />The thing is...the baby also has rights...to be supported by Mom AND Dad. Social Services WILL pursue Dad for reimbursement of public funds going to support his offspring. Rachel needs to have all of her ducks in a row, to forestall interference and/or abusive dynamics. <br /><br />Attorney ASAP.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2201165796329163117.post-92168721128289354032012-02-04T09:25:38.685-08:002012-02-04T09:25:38.685-08:00The situation is already rife with problems. The ...The situation is already rife with problems. The father does ultimately have rights even if you don't acknowledge him. If he were to have a change of heart even years from now, and were to go to court and say, "I was involved" it would help her in future years to be able to say "you asked once" rather than "I have no idea but it wasn't much". State laws greatly vary on this subject and I really hope she takes some time educate herself on her rights, his rights, and to consult an attorney in her state to help her take steps to do what she wants and not get blindsided by state laws she wasn't aware of.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2201165796329163117.post-9404607599531435022012-02-03T22:31:38.542-08:002012-02-03T22:31:38.542-08:00which is exactly why i suggested earlier to leave ...which is exactly why i suggested earlier to leave the boy out of it. i won't repeat the nightmare that my pastor's daughter had, as i posted it further up.<br /><br />per the diary...is there some way to get it notarized to make it more "official"? again, this would be up to her discretion, as to whether or not she would choose to go after the boy for support or even acknowledgement. like i said before, even acknowledgement can lead to a can of worms.Lizzyhttp://therewalksalady.tumblr.comnoreply@blogger.com