I promise that my next post will be a continuation of the 49 Character Qualities of Ruth. I know many of you are waiting for it.
For right now I just wanted to tell everyone I'm fine, just really busy. RA's got to go back to the dorms for training and set up a little early and I've been making up some training I didn't do in the spring. The girl who was supposed to be the RA isn't coming back to school at all and I'm the replacement. I'll be on a co-ed area with mostly incoming freshman under my charge. The irony is that I'll have 19 to watch over. LOL 19 Kids and Counting...?
I leave with Harris for his family reunion tonight. I'm excited. I've spoke with his mom and dad before. When they came through to visit him once. I'm looking forward to meeting his sibs and his cousins. His mom was sweet and called me because I told Harris that I was nervous about being there. How do I dress? What would be appropriate (thanks readers for that heads-up!)? She told me exactly what we'd be doing and siad she was really happy I was coming along. She's such a great lady. It makes me miss my mom. Harris' mom told me that Harris had filled her in about my family and she would do what she could to help me negotiate his nosier family members. In the end, I'm looking forward to this! We'll be doing some neat activities and going to Disneyland- MY FIRST TIME!
Disneyland! It cannot get better than this, Ruth!
ReplyDeleteYay! I'm so happy for you! :o)
ReplyDeleteDisneyland is so much fun! I've only been once, when I was 10, and I've wanted to go back ever since (I'm 32 now...hmmm, maybe I should make it happen, lol!). You must, must, must go on the Pirates of the Caribbean ride. It was my favourite, although I'm a wimp and can't handle the scarier rides.
Oh Ruth, I'm so happy for you that you're going to get to spend time with his family and that it sounds like his mom will help you steer through the family craziness that all families have! I hope that both of you have a really good visit with them.
ReplyDeleteBest,
E
Have fun at disneyland. The first time I went was when I was meeting my future husbands family:)
ReplyDeleteAs for what to wear, wear what you feel comfortable in. I'm assuming you still dress somewhat conservative? Im sure parents these days would rather see conservative then some of the other styles.
Also I would not be worried about your past or having little communication with your family. There are lots of people for many reasons that do not have their family in their lives. My parents died by the time I was 22 and I have no silblings. A good friend of mine who is happily married, had a big cultural difference with his family, they insisted on picking out his college, carrer etc. When he choose differently (but was a very sucesssful respected professional) his family disowned him. I went to his wedding and he had no family there, but his in laws were great and have been.
Just have a good time! and relax
We are having great weather so Disneyland should be fun. Be sure to go all the way to the back of the park and see Its A Small World - it was just recently re-done. If you go to Disney CA (next door) don't worry if you hear reports about someone getting hurt today. The guy was drunk.
ReplyDeleteHave a wonderful time meeting Harris' family and of course enjoy Disneyland. Make sure you keep hydrated though, that black top just wears you out.
ReplyDeleteGood luck on the RA. My daughter's friend does it every summer for foreign students at her college. She says it can be like herding cats.
Have fun!
Oooh Disneyland! Make sure you try a "Dole Whip" - they're sold outside the Enchanted Tiki Room and they're yummy!!
ReplyDeleteDisneyland is AMAZING!! :-D I went to college only 14 minutes away from it, which was awesome; many of my friends had season passes. There was even a class at my college where students were required to go to Disneyland and then had to write a research paper about it. I didn't take that class, but I really wish I had!
ReplyDeleteI'm so excited for you!! :-D My favorite ride there is the Indiana Jones ride and the ride with the train (can't for the life of me remember what it's called). Also, I hope you can stay around til closing time; that's when they do a show with fireworks :-D
Correction: the fireworks show isn't at closing time, but a couple hours beforehand, I think.
ReplyDeleteHave tons of fun!
ReplyDeleteOMG, YOU'RE DOING THIS AT DISNEY??? WOW!!! Well, there's one thing you definitely will NOT need to worry about, and that's a lack of conversation topics. :-) HUGE snaps to Harris's mom for being so incredibly understanding and helpful. The most important thing is to relax (as much as possible ;-), and ENJOY yourself. With Team Harris on your side, you should have a terrific time.
ReplyDeleteMuch as I want to read the next installment of the 49 Character Qualities, I'm going to be more excited to hear how things went!!!
I was just coming here to post that I hope you weren't there for the drunk guy falling off the Tower of Terror, but someone beat me to it!
ReplyDeleteHave a great time! You deserve it.
Wow, Harris' mom sounds like a gem.
ReplyDeleteHave fun at Disneyland! I went for my first time last summer (at age 29). I didn't grow up around here, but I live about 1 hr 15 min from Disney, and I've lived here for a few years now. There is no quicker way to make a room fall silent around here than to say the words "I've never been to Disneyland."
Anyway, have fun!
Excellent news, Ruth! Have a wonderful time.
ReplyDeleteTake care,
Jean
Dress how you normally dress. I can't imagine that you're dressing like a slob or like some wanna-be rapper. So just be yourself. Clothes that are appropriate for the weather, will let you have fun at Disneyland, and that are what you'd normally wear. You'll be fine. You're not interviewing for a job, you're meeting some nice-sounding people. :)
ReplyDeleteHave fun!
Oh Ruth, this sounds like so much fun! Much better than being enclosed in one single area feeling intimidated by a house full of new faces. Disneyland should make the mood relaxed and casual. I hope you have a great time! You really deserve it Ruth. You are truly an inspiring person and I'm so glad I found your blog, way back near the beginning :)
ReplyDeleteIt's no wonder Harris's mom is as sweet and understanding as Harris is. Have fun Ruth and just be yourself. If anyone asks something you're not comfortable with just keep it light and vague. It's ok to say, 'I don't know, never thought about that before' too to ease out of a tough exchange. You can also excuse yourself to the ladies room. That has gotten me out of a pinch before.
ReplyDeleteDisneyland sounds like a blast! It will be warm so I think modest shorts (if you wear them), capris or a light skirt and a short sleeve top would be perfect. You'll want comfy shoes as you'll be walking around a lot. Bring a hat for some shade and a light sweater or hoodie in case it's chilly at night.
=D
ReplyDeleteIt makes me wonder what's wrong with Harris when I read this. A normal man, and his family, would be aiming a bit higher? Who wants an unattractive, socially awkward 26 year old who has the maturity of someone who's twelve? Harris is hardly a "catch" and his family must be desperate if they're accepting Ruth.
ReplyDeleteI am very excited for you Ruth!! I hope you have a wonderful time! I'm looking forward to reading about it.
ReplyDeleteWhy such a rude comment anon at 9:49? That's really mean & untrue(unless you're being tongue in cheek, I can't tell).
ReplyDeleteWhat's with the trolls on this blog? I don't know if you jerks are friends of Ruth's family, or just total a-holes, but don't you guys have something better to do?
ReplyDeleteHave fun at Disneyland Ruth! Wear something comfortable and appropriate for the weather.
Sarah
You will have a blast, Ruth. Enjoy Disneyland!
ReplyDelete-Jenny
Anonymous said...
ReplyDeleteIt makes me wonder what's wrong with Harris when I read this. A normal man, and his family, would be aiming a bit higher? Who wants an unattractive, socially awkward 26 year old who has the maturity of someone who's twelve? Harris is hardly a "catch" and his family must be desperate if they're accepting Ruth.
And I said:
Yes, because every interaction between a young man and a young woman must be with a view toward marriage, which must be economically and/or socially advantageous to one or both families.
New flash, Darth Daddy: You may think you are a big frog, but your pond is actually very very small. When you unleash your most impressive croaking out here in the great big world, you sound exactly as small as you are.
Ruth, Darth Daddy and his cronies are a pack of pompous bloviators. Whatever happens between you and Harris now or in the future is your business. Not your parents' business. Not his parents' business. Have a wonderful time and take lots of pictures for your album to help you remember this trip!
Jenny Islander
If it didn't come across that way, Ruth, I assure you that the first paragraph in my reply was sarcastic. Mainstream USian culture regards families picking spouses for their kids as creepy--as not allowing young men or young women to be independent adults at best, as parents attempting to consume their own children's lives at worst.
ReplyDeleteI don't want to debate the merits of immigrants bringing traditions of arranged marriage from their particular Old Country because comparing centuries of tradition to Gothard spouting off about what he wants people to pay him money for isn't even comparing apples and oranges; it's comparing apples and artificially sweetened apple-flavored soda. Gothardism's version of arranged marriage is about as Biblical as those paintings where the Holy Family is dressed like medieval nobility. He has no roots except the ones that burrow down to people's fear, where a system that promises a sure cure for uncertainty can take hold.
Jenny Islander
Jenny, love the use of "bloviater," one of my favorite adjectives of all-time (and not at all a stretch considering the clown(s) to which it is directed. :D
ReplyDeleteRuth, I'm happy for you and echo the other posts: Harris' mom sounds like a gem. Have a great time at the ORIGINAL Greatest Place on Earth.
To Darth Daddy and his minions: In the real world, not every relationship between a male and female has an end-goal of marriage. We meet people, find out what we like and don't like, and decide whether we can live with a person's flaws, or whether they are deal-breakers. You. people don't even get that much of a choice, throwing your kids together only when it's advantageous to YOU with no regard to the feelings of your children.
THAT, "sir," is barbaric, not to mention archaic; I hope you realize this and mant other tenets of your faith have much in common with the extremist Muslims our men and women in the Armed Services (save your group, who won't serve anyone except yoursevles - selfish much? - or the Quakers, who have long been conscientious objectors).
If ATI is failing with the first generation raised completely within it, that doesn't bode well for its future, especially when Gothard dies. We'll just have a lot of injured survivors for counselors to deal with as they leave the cult, as Ruth so courageously has.
You GO, Ruth! Looking forward to the next installment of the Character series.
NICE, Anon@9:49, really. If you are indeed of the Darth Daddy faction, I absolutely LOVE the fact that you've stated Ruth is "socially awkward." 1) Nope, sorry, she isn't. Not anymore. And 2) that would be NO THANKS TO YOU. ATI and the Gothard crew don't exactly encourage well-spoken, well-educated young women, now do they?
ReplyDeleteAnd if you're NOT speaking for DD, and you are, in fact, a troll, you seriously need to get a life.
Can't wait for the next chapter, Ruth!!!
Ruth,
ReplyDeleteIt's very hot down here in Orange County this week, so bring light, comfortable clothes for Disneyland. Make sure to drink lots of water and wear your most comfortable shoes. You can rent a wheelchair or motorized scooter also if your leg is bothering you too much to walk all day. Most of all have a good time. You deserve it, and it's a good way to unwind before the start of the quarter. I had an annual pass for 2 of the three years I was a student down here, and I loved taking my textbooks to the park and sitting in a quiet spot and studying and occasionally people watch.
Have a blast!
Anonymous, beauty is in the eye of the beholder and apparently Harris likes what he sees in Ruth - on all levels. Case closed.
ReplyDeleteWhat else ya got??
@Anon 9:29 -
ReplyDeleteEven if that stuff you claim about Ruth were true, which I highly doubt, I'm not sure why accepting that would make her family desperate. I'm a brother to two sisters and I accept anyone they date who treats them with love and respect. I'm not sure why it would be any of my business to judge if they're attractive or awkward.
a really good book
ReplyDeleteby Francis Rivers
Redeeming Love
Covers all aspects of feeling not quite up to par in situations..
I'm a devoted NONFiction True Crime lover and this is religious fiction down one's goozle
but I can't put the book down
it is healing
guys, really, phasers on shun is the best way to deal with trolls. do not feed them!
ReplyDeleteI'm not annonymous, I'm Pam, a regular reader... I just don't know how to get a nice name at the top.
ReplyDeleteRuth, I love to see your sunny optimisim again! It's been a tough tail-end of the summer. Optimisim is one of your deep strengths -- to see good in people and enjoy them.
But sometimes your optimisim about people worries me. It sets you up for more disapointment than you need to experience. At some level, I hope that you are able (without much more pain) to come to understand that what we call 'good people' are still people who are wounded by their pasts and liable to behave irrationally from time to time.
Harris is a good guy -- but he won't always make the best choices.
Harris' mom sounds like a nice lady -- but most moms have their hearts deeply involved in their son's lives. She may be experiencing more emotions than she is willing to share with you just now.
Lots of people know how to be nice... until they suddenly forget how under stress, or decide that they are not going to bother any more. That doesn't make them bad people. It just makes them people. I think you expereinced this with Jack & Jill.
I don't want to make you suspicious that Harris and his mom & others are bad people, but I find, myself, that when I aknowledge that the people I meet are probably wounded and flawed like me, I am able to give them a degree of pre-forgiveness -- permission to screw up and disapoint me from time to time.
This helps me in not feeling like the world is caving in when formerly 'nice people' have those moments that reveal a more complete picture of who they are in relationship with me.
Maybe that's why I like your optimisim so much, because I don't have it like you do... but I'm not sure it's wise.
This trip with Harris is going to be confusing or upsetting at least once.
And your RA position is going to have some weeks that abound with crisis, malice and deception.
(BTW you should plan your school work so that you are ready to hand in everything 10 days in advance -- because you never know when life is going to fly off the handle as an RA, and when that happens, you don't need an assignment hanging over your head.)
Pam, I share a certain constitutional pessimism with you. I wholeheartedly agree that it's a good thing to go into experiences with your eyes open. In some ways, I think that what I say below is completely compatible with your point.
ReplyDeleteMy training as a psychologist has convinced me that life becomes constricted when in becomes about preventing pain. By all means, it's good to feel out situations before taking emotional or physical risks, but nobody's radar is going to be perfect. By definition, reaching for the big, important things like career, love, and friendship involves a profound risk of being hurt. The part that makes for a bigger life is realizing that the inevitable pain of living doesn't dictate your goals and values. As I've said, I'm a natural pessimist/cynic, and I don't always live my life in the way I've described above. When I do, however, I find that life feels more meaningful and full.
Pam,
ReplyDeleteI think your post was perfect.
Life is not as black and white as Ruth sees it right now. People are not good or bad, they are a mixture of both. I think the Jack and Jill situation was a great example.
Ruth, you will do fine, especially as you learn not to see everyone as fitting into the good or bad category. I hope your time with Harris and his family is going really well. Don't fret if everything isn't perfect. Enjoy this new chapter of your life!
My guess is that Ruth (in a desperate attempt for donations) will soon be faced with another great big problem she just can't deal with. Then all her loyal little bloggers will offer money and sympathy.
ReplyDeleteIt's a soap-opera, folks.
Ruth, just a heads up. Someone posted a link to your blog on the 19 Kids and Counting facebook fan page. It's full of REALLY rabid fans, so don't be surprised if you start getting a lot more negative comments.
ReplyDeleteI’ve been reading your blog for a while, but haven’t commented before.
ReplyDeleteI’ve been familiar with Gothardism/ATI for years (from a distance) and have always had some concerns. Your experiences have validated a lot of my concerns and given me others that I hadn’t thought of. You are a fine young woman who expresses herself well. You have painted a picture of your life while trying to give your parents (at least your mother) the benefit of the doubt. You have tried to paint a fair picture, while still expressing your point of view. In writing about your experiences, you are telling your side. You have made it clear that this is your experience and cannot be expressly extended to every ATI family. You have demonstrated grace and kindness to your family. I have really appreciated the spirit in which you have written your experiences.
Please don’t stress over the negative comments you occasionally receive on this blog. It would be best if you could learn to ignore the trolls and Darth Daddy type commentors. My advice would be to stop reading a negative entry as soon as you have recognized that it is a troll/Darth Daddy comment. These comments are so clearly vindictive and vicious that you should cast them aside. Please don’t dwell on them. They aren’t worth your time or thought processes.
Thank you for sharing your life in the blogosphere. You have helped so many of us gain an understanding of another lifestyle and an insight into a cult/movement. Please continue sharing your life with us. You are a blessing and a vibrant, beautiful, young woman.
God bless you,
Kay
So why are YOU here?
ReplyDeleteKay snuck in ahead of me. My bad.
ReplyDeleteRuth,
ReplyDeleteYour blog is being discussed on the Free Jinger site again. Just to let you know, I posted in support of you!
Don't let the nay-sayers get you down.
Oh, and when you have time I am really interested in hearing your opinions about the Duggar family. I used to post on the TLC and Discovery sites about/against them, but I got tired of being banned for voicing very logical concerns. On my last ID there, I posted a topic asking if the power of prayer was going to help save Josie. If so, does that mean god does not care about babies born to atheists? It was deleted, but I would really like to hear what your family thought about topics like this.
BTW, being an atheist is NOT evil. We simply do not believe in god. There is no hate, just a bit of frustration that people can't be free of religion and it's very serious damage.
Take care, and thank you for writing this blog. I really do believe in you!
Been thinking about the clothing thing...
ReplyDeleteI think you should wear a sun dress, maybe knee length with shorts under it.
Trendy yet roller coaster friendly.
BTW, I agree with Kay. In addition, I think that you have done a great job moving your life forward even as you experience justified anger.
ReplyDeleteIn response to another poster, I don't think that Ruth's mother deserves a "benefit of the doubt". Why is she more deserving of the benefit of a doubt than Ruth's father? Sounds to me like they are equally culpable in the joint decision to raise (translate: abuse) their children following Bill Gothard's principles. There's no free pass for Ruth's mother. Sorry, but I hold mothers to a higher standard than even dads (didn't say that this is correct or politically correct, just stating my thoughts) because a mother is the one that has carried her baby for 9 months and a mother is the one that has given birth to her baby and the mother is the one that breastfed her baby, and nurtured the baby in the way that only a mother can. To be a "hard-a*s for God" (I mean, "Bill Gothard", obviously) and force a young child to eat disgusting things like liver and onions (cold and congealed) for two weeks straight or deliberately making colored oatmeal in order to break her own daughter of her "queaziness" factor, or playing mind games with the obedience training, uh, uh, the deal is off. That's the day that Ruth's mother became an equal co-conspirator to Ruth's brainwashing in my mind. They are both guilty to the abuses that they perpetuated on Ruth and the rest of the siblings - plain and simple.
ReplyDeleteTo another poster who seems to see the world in a half-empty glass sort of way, I have found (through experience) that whatever you expect to happen, actually happens. Expect the worst and the worst will happen.
I have no idea how a simple trip to Disneyland and meeting Harris's parents, is such a big deal. What the heck do some of you people talk about at first meeting? Generally, people keep it light. Disneyland is about fun, about seeing and doing things; it's about Mickey Mouse!! Where is all this time to question and interrogate even going to come from? You spend most of your time standing in line, riding the rides, getting something to eat and drink, going to the bathroom, getting swollen ankles and heatstroke, and then getting into a fight before you head on home because everyone is cranky and tired and hopped up on sugary drinks.
Geez, Louise, people, this is not the Royal Family interviewing Ruth for the position that Princess Diana left behind. What drama! A bunch of adieu about nothing,if you ask me. A bunch of time and energy wasted poring over the excruciating minutia of every single daily event, no matter how innocent it might be. Enjoy your youth while you still have it and relax. Some of you give me the heebie jeebies with your worry wart tendencies.
Oh, Disneyland! How fun -- and a good place to meet people. Plenty will be more interested in which attraction to see next than to question you for your life story. As far as clothing choices...Something that will keep you cool but not overly revealing. If you like skirts and dresses, go for it -- but wear shorts underneath! Or you can go with something like capris or long shorts (whatever's in style right now). I personally like gauchos, which you can get at Target for about $10. I would recommend finding something that dries quickly -- not denim -- because heat = sweat, and there's always the chance for water-based rides. Have fun :)
ReplyDeleteThe thing with freshmen is that many haven't spent much time away from home -- and some have been on their own for a while. It really depends on the person. Some will be up to get breakfast as soon as the cafeteria opens (and will be in bed by 10pm if they can manage it), others will have to force themselves out of bed for afternoon classes and will be on their way to bed when breakfast is starting. It's really exciting when those two extremes are roommates. :p Half of the first few weeks is helping people adapt to the environment. You'll probably have a lot of homesickness, roommate disputes, and a few freakouts because of the different environment. And, I think you'll do a wonderful job. Good luck with the first few weeks, Ruth.
Also, Pam mentioned the "done ten days in advance" homework plan -- I would modify that to the weekend prior, if possible. It's much easier to finish the revision process of a paper than write the bulk of it when it's the day before it's due and you're fielding "my roommate is such a JERK" complaints. It depends on your courseload, really -- if you have a lot of upper-level classes, the ten-day-prior plan might not work for your schedule. But the idea itself is right -- it's better to finish a few days early and only have to turn something in than to rush to finish right before class (or get it e-mailed/sent within five minutes of a deadline).
Again, good luck and have fun. :)
"I have no idea how a simple trip to Disneyland and meeting Harris's parents, is such a big deal. What the heck do some of you people talk about at first meeting? Generally, people keep it light. Disneyland is about fun, about seeing and doing things; it's about Mickey Mouse!! Where is all this time to question and interrogate even going to come from? You spend most of your time standing in line, riding the rides, getting something to eat and drink, going to the bathroom, getting swollen ankles and heatstroke, and then getting into a fight before you head on home because everyone is cranky and tired and hopped up on sugary drinks.
ReplyDeleteGeez, Louise, people, this is not the Royal Family interviewing Ruth for the position that Princess Diana left behind. What drama! A bunch of adieu about nothing,if you ask me. A bunch of time and energy wasted poring over the excruciating minutia of every single daily event, no matter how innocent it might be. Enjoy your youth while you still have it and relax. Some of you give me the heebie jeebies with your worry wart tendencies. "
LOLZ! My thoughts exaclty. Wtf?!?to Pam and Deb. With "friends" leaving comments like yours, Ruth will need MORE sunny optimism, not less!
HAVE A BLAST RUTH! Eat, play, love, laugh, and if bug bites, food poisoning or family fights are also involved in the day, laugh it off as par for the course of life.
I have no idea why these posters seem to think you a naive waif, a sort of Elsie Dinsmore, when I see you as more thoughtful than the average person when it comes to interpersonal relationships. I mean, you have dealt with some real bullcrap and you made it out alive! Kudos to you!
ShadowSpring,
ReplyDeleteThanks for expressing all that for me. I'll keep telling Ruth the best revenge is living well. And that means ups and downs and heartbreak and joy. I'm just happy that she's out there living.
As for the trolls...you are such pathetic and vindictive little creatures. Even at my darkest hour you give me inspiration because I could be trapped in Gothardism. It makes me wonder what your final judgment will be. If God sees everything, you might want to reconsider posting.
Ruth, I have been in similar situations and I pray for you and stand 100% behind you. I'll be here if you ever need support or a listening ear. Keep your chin up!
ReplyDeleteOmg!
ReplyDeleteRuth you will have soooooooooooo much fun @ Disneyland! It's so cool and fun I can't describe it in words!
Bring water and sunscreen, you might get sunburned.
Have fun,honey!