Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Willingly and completely

I guess the cat is out of the bag. :)
As some of you knew, my birthday was last week. I thought it was going to be a quiet day without much fuss (just as I like it). But- Harris had other plans. We started the day by driving up to his parents place for a family dinner. His mom managed to get enough pictures together to do a cute little scrapbook. This was my gift. As I was looking through it, I have to be honest, I was kind of thinking that she was a little premature because there would be a picture of me at 2 years old and then a picture of Harris (on the next page) at 2 years old. Then a picture of me at 13 and a picture of Harris at 13. And, so on and so on - until it became a record of things he and I had done together. A lot of blank pages were left in the scrapbook and I thought it was a sweet idea that she had left room for us to keep putting things in the book. After cake, Harris asked me to take a walk with him. Still pretty normal for when we visit his parents, although as I'm still in PT, I was a little worried about walking on uneven ground at night. I needn't have worried for when we went outside, his dad had hitched up this old hay wagon to one of the horses and he took us for a nighttime ride. I think I started to realize something was up when I saw that they'd lined the path with luminarias. We got to this small rise on the back of their property, that overlooks the river, and there's a bench where multiple generations of his family have come to pop the question. It was beautiful - little lanterns where everywhere and there was a bouquet of flowers on the bench (not that they were really needed because there were poppies and lupine everywhere, growing wild). I actually started to panic and I still don't understand why because I knew as soon as I saw this that I was going to say yes - but I had major butterflies in my stomach. Harris helped me out of the wagon and his dad pulled a ways-a-way to give us privacy. The conversation we had is private but the basics included that he promised to love me forever and asked if I would promise the same in return. I said "Yes!"

My ring is beautiful. It's his grandmother's engagement ring so it's very simple and I love it. Just one small diamond in a gold setting.

I can't tell you how different this feels from my first engagement. There's no way to compare the two. I wish my father and every other patriarchal, Gothard father could see how special and wonderful this was and how willing I was to say yes. I truly don't believe my father could've picked someone as right for me as Harris and I think it was the time we spent getting to know each other privately that makes this feel so right. It was the small arguments and how we learned to handle them and the shopping together and, yes, sleeping in the same bed on occasion that makes me so ready to promise myself to him. I can't wait to build a home and a life with this man.

Now to the questions I've received in e-mail and on facebook and other places-
Have you set a date?
Tentatively, yes. April or May of 2012. We haven't made any plans yet because the engagement just happened! :)

Have you told your parents?
Yes. I felt like I should and I needed to. I made the call home and my mom answered (THANK GOD!). She was really happy for me but that happiness was cut short by my father (as I expected). He wanted to make it clear to me that this wasn't a God sanctioned union and Harris hadn't asked his permission so blah, blah, blah. Harris won't be asking his permission. The funny thing was - I called using one of Harris' cousins' cell phones and they've been getting hang-up calls three times a day ever since. :/

Are you going to involve your family in the wedding?
I don't know, yet. If I thought that my dad could handle it, I might. I just don't think he can. I would love to have my siblings there but that gets complicated because for the younger ones it means having my dad there, too. I don't know right now. I would hope they could be there. We'll see.

Are you quitting school?
No! ?

Are you pregnant?
No! Again - ?

Thank you for the well wishes!

Monday, April 4, 2011


I wasn't planning to blog today -
Then, I received an e-mail that just had to be made public (he asked for it). I make it public if for no other reason than to show you just how the patriarchal mind thinks. The e-mail came to the e-mail address linked with this blog (easy to find) and I think you'll quickly decode who it was written by. This is a copy/paste. The only thing that has been changed are the names of my family and the person who wrote it (because that might lead to identifying me and cause harm for his wife and children).

Dear *Ruth,

I knew you would end up no good...washed up...blameing every body but your selve for your troubles in life...generaly being bitter about your life. I knew it then and I know it for sure now.
You lied about our courtship...only fair that you give me a voice to tell my story and if you do not I will sue you for slandering me.
Your daddy begged my father to present you to me. GODS honest truth. HE BEGGED... BEGGED becaused you are worthless and were worthless as a wife. It does not surprize me that you are unmarried still. You were ugly physically...refusing GODS promise for womanhood shows in your face now and then. I prayed and God told me that my father was right that I had to ask you for your hand because GOD promised it would show us who you really were. GOD IS ALWAYS IN CONTROL...HE ALWAYS WILL KNOW WHAT WILL HAPPEN. A rightous woman would honor her fathers choices for her...I confidantly knew you would reject me just cause your father wanted it for us so I had no worry in proposing marriage to you
TELL YOUR ADORRING READING PUBLIC THAT YOU MASTURBATED. You were unpure before GOD. Me and you kissing was nothing compared to what GOD had on your heart. You seemed to liked my kiss...saying blogging you didn't is like a WHORE saying she doesn't like sex. All for show...all for show.
Your daddy wanted you gone from that house for your influance on those kids in umbrella of rightous protection. Under the LORD OUR GOD you flaunted all the rewards of TRUE COURTLY deserved being kicked out. Pray... Tell your adorring readers that I offered you a home...a ring...a place in a faithful union called by GOD. I make $70,000 a are a poor single WHORE. Education isn't smartness. A boyfriend isn't a is against GOD. Harris can't give you salvation only GOD CAN DO THAT. You said that I physically abused you...liar. Liar. LIES. I never pushed you...your word againso mine...and who will people believe a liar or a happily married man with a good living and no need to blog about the stupid problems I have. The day your dad called me to say you were leaving his protection I just had a relief brought by GOD...I was so glad I could get on with finding his real partner for me...which I did after one more just like you who sinned against me.
I have four children...what do you GODLY BEAUTIFUL wife is expecting number five and we leave it to HIS WILL. You are a sorry excuse compared to my wife....she knows college meant nothing compared to TRUE WOMANHOOD. Being a TRUE WOMAN is accepting the roll GOD MADE YOU TO PERFORM. Don't you see that every peice of your life is falls apart on trial...I hope you do because I don't love you but I care for you in GODS way.
Be truthful Ruth.

I know I'm recovering from my childhood when I can read this and laugh. With Harris by my side, I can see the desperation inherant in this diatribe. Here we see a man who has re-written history to portray himself as the hero. Such a Gothard trait! Where would we women be without the steadying hand of a man? :)