Sunday, October 31, 2010

Happy Post

Harris and I dressed up as Jesse and Woody, from Toy Story, for a Halloween party tonight. It's the first time I've ever been to one. :) I danced to FloRida and, shocking!, had my first drink. I'm going straigh to hell, I'm sure.


(Tap...tap...tap...on the desk.)
The "blogshpere" is an interesting world. Don't misunderstand: I like it - that doesn't change the fact that it's an interesting place with strange, unwritten taboos and rules and whatnot.

I said I wasn't going to talk about my sex life. I meant it. Then, I read the comments on my last post and I started thinking - me not talking about sex is exactly one of my hang-ups that I need to just get over. I keep it "private" because I'm afraid of it. So let me address the question(s) and innuendos from a certain commenter.

Shoshannah said...
I am a conservative Christian who is old fashioned. My husband is very respectful and loving towards me. He is the leader in our home, but would never make a decision without my input. He very much cares about what I think and is a very loving father.

Hi, Shoshannah. I am "Ruth". I'm going to assume that everything you say about your husband is true and I want to congratulate you on finding such a wonderful husband. A lot of people are never as lucky as you. With all due respect, however, conserative Christianity is different than QF/ATI/fundamental patriarchy and the power structure created within. You probably do have a very loving, considerate husband and a blessed marriage. Regardless, none of that gives you any sort of authority over me, nor does it give you the right to assume certain things about me.

We are teaching our daughters about purity in relationships (and no, we do believe in arranging marriages or being too involved with themselves and their boyfriends).
I would love for you to comment some more about this. How do you do this? How can you teach your daughters about purity in relationships and then claim that you're staying out of it? I'm not doubting that it can be done - I'm just curious how this works.
We want our daughters to respect themselves and their bodies and not freely give their bodies and hearts to men who are not serious enough to be married first.
Here's where I have questions and a small problem with the wording of this. You say "we want our daughters to respect themselves" and that's fantastic. I grew up hearing this speech day-in-and-day-out. The thing is: I don't respect myself any less for having a serious relationship without thhe promise of a marriage at the end and I'm sure many women feel the same. You're, maybe without realizing it, teaching your child that her self-worth and self-respect lies, in at least some large part, between her legs. And, that by some logic, if she allows a boy to breach that barrier or even kiss her seriously (I'm assuming because you speak of purity in the relationship, not just saving herself for marriage), she's somewhat "less" or she's letting you, her community, and God "down". Why is that such a noble thing? Are you aware of the other messages your unintentionally, probably sending her? Are you aware that quite a number of girls in these situations end up terrified of sex or end up breaking their purity bonds anyway? Are you aware of the guilt that follows them for the rest of their lives if they can't live up to the expectation of perfect purity? I'm not advocating that you say nothing and let your daughters have pre-marital sex in the family room or anything, but just how seriously do you take this and how do you define sexual purity?
It makes me sad that you seem to be throwing out everything having to do with Christian faith.
This, to be quite frank, pisses me off! I never swear in this blog, so maybe this will show you the depth to which your statement angers me. You drop this bomb in comments and then you wonder why you received such a poor reaction from the readers of this blog. Do you really think this sort of accusation is even fair, let alone Christian? If you truly think this, then isn't it your duty to approach me privately and make inquiries? I have an e-mail that's very easily found on this blog.

You may not realize it, but your wording is very condescending. You say "It makes me sad...". Why? Why are you sad? You don't know which values I've kept and which I've rejected. What have I said, specifically, that makes you the authority on what I've thrown out?
"Your parents made some very serious mistakes, especially your abusive father, but not absolutely everything they taught you was wrong.
I've never, EVER said that everything I was taught was wrong. However, you don't konw what it is that I was taught. So for you to stand here and say that I should respect and uphold the broader message, without knowing first hand what that broader message was, is foolish. What if my parents had told me that any Christian mother who spends time on the internet is putting Satan's interests before her own daughters' interest? What if I told you that my parents taught me that no true Christian would send their child to a public school? My point is this: I've been very fair in saying that my parents did teach me some useful and valuable lessons. I appreciate those lessons and wouldn't say otherwise. You, though, unless you lay it all out there, can't say that you know me well enough to know that I'm throwing it all away.
Please don't let the world pull you completely from Christ and His offer of salvation to those who will follow His humble example.
Love in Christ

This "world" that you seem to feel would pull me away from Christ has done more to show me love than my parents did. This "world" is giving me an education and independence. This "world" is showing me that there's more than one path to happiness and God than could be found in the cookie-cutter, garden variety hatred that I learned at my father's knee.

To answer the unanswered question that I imagined was personal - I am, technically, a virgin. Like I've said, I have hang-ups. But, I see no spiritual degredation that comes from holding Harris' hand during a movie or kissing him. If I chose to go to his home unaccompanied, I don't think that makes me a slut. We're having responsible fun and we're getting to know each other in a way that will make "going all the way" even more pleasurable. If I chose to have sex with him before marriage, I don't believe that would make God love me even less or make my future husband value me less. If it does, then that's not the right husband for me. I think Harris will be my husband - I'm almost sure of it. Anything can happen, so I won't guarantee it, but the fact that he's kissed other girls doesn't make him any less attractive and wonderful to me. I don't feel like his heart is broken up into pieces or that he's giving me less of his heart. That's ridiculous, honestly. We're both adults.

Being chaste and having virtues is a fantastic choice for children, and for adults if that's what they choose to do, but physical intimacy isn't evil. I do realize that relationships take focus and time away from other, maybe, more important things (especially for a child). I don't think it's wise for children to focus more on the boy next door than their education, for example. But, if they daydream about kissing the boy next door during biology, I don't think they're going to hell. If they hold his hands in the bleachers and snuggle under a blanket during the football game, I don't think they're giving away pieces of anything that belongs to their future husband. I think a girl's heart is hers. As her parent, while she's a child, you have a right to keep her safe and teach her what you will. It's your choice. Just be careful.

Friday, October 29, 2010

Ask and you shall receive.

My friend Cynthia said - Hope school is going well. I'd love an RA and a Harris update. I'll put something in the tip jar shortly just to piss off readers like feltspirit. I proudly support smart women getting an education.

The RA job is going well. I am working out the kinks as I go along. My residents seem to be learning the difference between a personal emergency and an "OMG! Involve the RA emergency.", so that's fantastic. :) It was a good job for me to take for a few purely selfish reasons. #1: It has forced me to be very social -something I didn't do last year because I was so afraid of my own personality. Now I have to be visible. I've made friends I probably wouldn't have made without the RA position. #2: It's showing me that I can be nurturing without becoming a doormat. I'm learning to set limits ~ a skill set I didn't have.

Harris and I are enjoying each other and enjoying our relationship. We are having an issue with my purity hang-ups but we work through them as they arise and Harris is being very patient and understanding. I want to keep that stuff private and I hope you all understand. Other than that, we're moving along. I imagine I could spend the rest of my life with him and be very happy. He's a good man. We love doing things together but we also enjoy allowing the other time to be with friends and pursue the things we maybe don't enjoy doing together. One example: Harris loves the outdoors and he likes to hike, but he's not into exploring a new trail in the same way I am. So, I've gone back to hiking solo on occasion. While I'm hiking, he's out with friends on the lake (something I could take or leave). Fishing doesn't excite me.

I'm going to his family's house for Thanksgiving.

Many people asked - Will you continue to post your story at NLQ?
That's really Vyckie's decision. I would hope she would continue to post it. But, I don't have control over when the stories make it up over there. I don't think any of the contributors do. Usually, Vyckie receives the stories via e-mail or copies/pastes them from the writer's blog. I haven't spoken with Vyckie (my fault) in several days so I'm not sure if there's something I don't know about or if this is still fall out from the Angel/Vyckie problem. Why are so many people asking this question?

Jennifer L asked - Why don't you ever post pictures? I could believe your story better if there was some evidence to support what you're saying.

I understand your skepticism. Pictures, in my opinion, wouldn't prove anything. I won't put up pictures of my childhood because it would out me and my family. My siblings didn't ask me to write this blog and I won't sacrifice their privacy to gain someone's approval. Unfortunately, my parents never took individual pictures of us as a regular practice. When we had pictures taken, it was a group shot. Also, I didn't leave home with a photo album. Any pictures that do exist of me in the QF-way are in my parent's home. I'm not likely going to call and ask them to mail me a few. Current pictures are another story. I have considered spicing up the posts with pics of my current life - not necessarily my face. Then I realized how quickly that would lead to people figuring out where I am and then who I am and that could lead to the disclosure of facts I've been wanting to keep secure. You just never know. The final reason I don't post pictures is because, beyond my story, I still wonder why so many people care about my life. :) LOL I don't say that to be mean or imply that I don't appreciate the concerns...I'm just a boring person who struggles with self-esteem. Do you really want to see pictures of my breakfast or of my dorm room?

Ambivalent Ego said - Hey Ruth, I was wondering how your brother was doing? The one who has kinda posted here before, answered some questions?He has been on my mind lately. I hope all is well with him. :-)
Your question is freaking me out a little because he's not doing so well. Do you know us?

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

In HIS perfect LOVE. asked - As a daughter of patriarchy I feel that you are misrepresenting what patriarchy is supposed to be. Why can't you do a post about what the real goals of patriarchy are? That is my first questions and my second question is can you really say you are a good person with all the commandments you break daily? Third question is how can you say you are an adult when you live off solicitations gained from a computer and do not work for yourself? It seems like God's plan for your life would have been better for you after all. In His perfect Love. A Titus2 Woman.

What are the real goals of patriarchy? You tell me. From my upbringing, patriarchy meant the man is the absolute head of the house and females were inferior. The "real goal", as far as I could see, was for men to be controlling, superior, ultimate decision makers using God's authority as a convenient means to their first position end. You're probably saying, "Ruth, what about all of their duties as patriarchs?" What duties? To provide for their family? Does providing end at getting a job because from what I've seen of patriarchy, it ends with the paycheck. You don't have to be a Christian fundamentalist to get a job and 'provide'. Is it to "protect"? I know many men who don't need patriarchy to protect their spouses and children from abuses. I know many patriarchists who USE PATRIARCHY to perpetuate abuse. I know many patriarchal fathers who use the "protect" duty to shelter and over-protect their children to the point that it's no longer quaint or honorable. Is the "real duty" to keep the family holy and on-point spiritually? If that's the duty, then aren't women being undersold as mothers?

(Disclaimer: I'm sure there are patriarchal families who enter into the system wanting to do the right thing and I know there are fathers who truly do only want what is safest and best for their families. I allow for the possibility that maybe there are families out there who've found the balance. I can only speak for what I saw growing up.)

Your second question was about how many commandments I break. Let's first ask which decalogue we should use? Exodus or Deuteronomy? Let's use the one you use.
1. You shall have no other gods before me. - Not broken. Bill Gothard is not a God. Patriarchy is not a God. ATI/IBLP is not a God.
2. You shall not make for yourself an idol. - Not broken. Can you say the same? Have you honestly not made idols out of the Pearls and the Gothards of the patriarchal world? When you shell out hundreds of dollars a year to these men who can "show you the way", are you not questioning God's ability to show you the way? Are you putting your faith in God to make you whole or are you hedging your bets by paying your way to being a better Christian?
3. Do not take the name of the Lord in vain. - Not broken.
4. Remember the sabbath day and keep it holy. - Not broken. I spend a great deal of each day thinking of spiritual things and living honorably. Why limit it to Sunday.
5. Honor your father and mother. - This is the one you were waiting for, isn't it? I think this all depends on how you define "honor". I think this one is "not broken". I *have* spoke about my father and mother in less than perfect light. I have still honored their privacy. I still honor the fact that they are my parents. Honoring someone doesn't mean looking past their faults or never speaking the truth.
6. Thou shalt not murder. - Not broken.
7. Thou shalt not commit adultery. - Not broken.
8. Thou shalt not steal. - Not broken.
9. Thou shalt not bear false witness. - Not broken.
10. Thou shalt not covet that which belongs to your neighbor. - Maybe broken. What can I say? I'm honest. I see quite a few things I'd like around town.

Here's the question I have for you. So what? Who cares if I broke a commandment!? Shouldn't that be between me and my God? How are you doing with this list and what does it have to do with my leaving patriarchy behind? Are you doing so much better than me IN patriarchy?

How can I say I am an adult? How can you say you are? You're likely above the age of majority and still living at home, living off your parents income. You're admiittedly living under patriarchy which means you have to be 18 to be reading my blog and surfing the net on your own - daddy and mommy wouldn't have let you feel out "the world" without first knowing you would respond as you have. Do you have a job? Do you go to school? Are you providing for yourself? Will you ever? Or, will you live off of daddy until a suitable husband is found to provide for you? How is the "transfer of authority" going to magically make you an adult? I am working. I do get "tips" for my story. I go without because I choose to go without rather than accept a life of servitude, while "having my needs met", with a husband. When I do marry- I fully intend to keep working. How is your "plan" any more "adult" than my own?

Speaking of God's plan - I think I am living it. Are you suggesting that God couldn't keep me in line with His own plan?

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

49 Character Qualities of Ruth - The Decision

As we stood outside the courtroom, it was clear where the lines were drawn. The divide in the room was less physical, as the space was small, but it was a mental and emotional chasm as large as the Grand Canyon. My attorney had told me to be prepared for an emotional outburst from my mother. My attorney warned me that my father might become overly warm and try to entice me to "drop this whole charade". About my father, she was correct. As soon as we crossed the threshold from hallway to courtroom, my father turned on the charm and charisma. He held the door for me and as I passed, the jerk actually smiled. We took seats in the small gallery and by virtue of it's lack of chairs, my father stood behind me. When my attorney went to the counsellor's table behind the gate, my dad put his hand on my shoulder and patted it reassuringly. The judge, hearing another case, looked up just as my father did this and I thought, surely, my case was sunk. Here was this girl trying to run away from such a loving, concerned father, right? No judge would see through his gesture to the controlling message the gesture betrayed. No judge would see his smile for the manipulation it was, right? I had been trained by years of brainwashing to believe that the world would always see my father as a righteous man.

My attorney returned to the gallery area and softly confronted my father. Asking him to take his hands off me and step away. He acted hurt, but obeyed. My mother sat staring straight ahead this entire time. She didn't look at me. My heart ached for her and my resolve started to dip. I knew that by continuing this, I was putting her in harms way. I knew she couldn't look at me because of his orders.

The court officer called my case. For the huge change it was about to have on my life, for what was at stake, it was a short exchange. The judge said he'd read my plea and needed some clarification, but he was concerned about putting me on the stand. My father's attorney kept saying that there was no case because there was no abuse and that I was, simply, an "ungrateful runaway" and "a teenaged girl who dramatized a good situation". Ultimately, the judge asked if it was possible for me to speak with a court appointed mediator that day and we recessed while the attorneys and court officers worked to see if that was possible. It was. An hour later, after the Klein's and my brother's friends gave me pep talks and a snack outside, a frazzled woman arrived at court. We went back into the court room and the judge ordered me to go to chambers and speak with this lady alone- no council present.

She was very kind. Years later, I saw a kids television show called the Magic School Bus and Miss Frizzle reminded me of this mediator. She asked me why I had ran from home that night and made me replay the decision outloud. She asked about Adam and about my religion and the way I had been raised. She asked about my fear of my father and why I didn't want to go home. Then she asked what my plans were. I couldn't answer her. I didn't know what my plan was. Honestly, beyond getting out of that relationship with Adam and getting away from a forced marriage, I didn't have one. I told her I didn't know what I was doing. She told me that that wasn't good enough and I realized she was right. She said she was going to give me a moment and ask me again what my plan was. I didn't know what to say. My mind raced and I thought this was the end- I would be sent home. She asked me what my plan was - I blurted out "I want to go to real school and I want to find out what my plan is without being told what my plan is." She smiled and said, "good girl." With that, we went back to the courtroom. The judge asked her to meet with my parents next. A while later, we went into the room with her together. It was just her, my parents, and I. No lawyers. This was the first time I'd sat across a table from my parents, without the Kleins or a cop, since I left and it was scary. My father was still playing nice but I could tell he was angry under the surface smile. The mediator asked if we could work it out...if there was any way I would go home. I couldn't speak. I felt like my dad would reach across the table the moment I said anything. She asked again. I shook my head no. My mother started crying. I reached for her and my dad slapped my hand down against the table. "You have caused your mother enough harm, Ruth. Won't you be a good girl and come home. Spare her this hurt." I almost bought it. I can't say what it was that made me realize I needed to leave, but something happened that told me it was okay to leave. I had to leave. I told my mom I had to go and I knew she would understand why. The mediator was glaring at my father. In his effort to appear protective of my mother, he had just slapped my hands away from her in front of a court appointed mediator! He had just validated the things I had said- he was controlling and manipulative and, if even on a small level, abusive. She asked my father to keep his hands to himself and quickly asked him what he was willing to do to get me home. My father said, I'm sure thinking that it would make him look like some great authority figure, that I would have to do "what God requires of a child- to obey and respect her parents." The mediator asked him if any harm would come to me by returning home and he said, "Not at my hands.", smugly.

We returned to the courtroom. I was terrified. While, in hindsight now, I can see that my father wasn't winning at this point,- at the time- I didn't see it. I was sure he would send me home. The Klein's, unbeknownst to me at this point, had friends who were foster parents in the system and they know sat in the courtroom. The mediator was put on the stand and she gave her opinion. She stated that she believed I was mature enough to make the decision to leave and that I couldn't go home. She relayed the words my father had said - "not at my hands" and said she worried about the semantics of the answer. My dad's attorney was pouncing on her, left and right, with objections to statements and interjecting comments - to the point where the judge got annoyed. He shut the attorney down and said he needed to hear from the mediator without interuption.

To make a very long story short, the case was adjourned until the next day. The next day, only my father came to court with his attorney and my father shocked everyone by saying he would drop his argument. He would let me go. The judge said he couldn't let my father abdicate his parental rights so easily but that we could figure something out. The rest of the day was spent figuring it out. I was a minor, but only for a few more months. Emancipating me would take longer than it would for me to turn 18. Putting me in foster care would mean, if I understood it correctly, having my father and mother deemed unfit. My parents wouldn't have gone for that. In the end, guardianship of me was award to the Turners (friends of the Klein's) until my eighteenth birthday, with my parents still retaining legal rights to me as a child. It was a "mutual agreement", in the end.

I like to think that my father finally realized I needed to be set free. The reality is that I know that wasn't it. I don't know why he dropped the case and let me go. In the end, I don't think it matters. I was set free and I was terrified, but I had hope. The next step was "the plan". What was my plan? MY plan for MY life.

Sunday, October 17, 2010

October Questions

Mandy Sue asked...Do you still go to church? Do you wear pants now? I guess I want to know is how far from your upbringing are you now? Did you realize that your parents were wrong so you just stepped away or did you go crazy and do things you never thought you would do like drink alcohol?
I'm not sure how long Mandy Sue has been reading, so I'm going to answer this again. In the future, though, I need to figure out some way to catalogue posts into groups so people can go back and see what has already been answered in these Q&A type posts. :) Anyone who can suggest how to do that would be a welcome commenter (although, anyone is always welcome).

Do I still go to church? We never really *went* to church in the first place - church was almost always in our home or in the home of someone we considered to be part of our "home church". In the Bible, it says that wherever a likeminded group gathers to worship, then God is present and that is "church". Alot of the ATI crowd keeps to that belief. I guess you could say - then- that I worship in the same way I always have - in my home, privately. I tried going to different churches after leaving my old life behind and, whether it was because I wanted to see it or because it really was there, I saw old vestiges of patriarchy and arbitrary rules in every church I went to. Nothing fit and to this day nothing really fits with the thoughts about God that I have. As a result, I choose to stay on my own until I figure out what it is that I'm looking for. I have too many questions about organized religion, and even - at some moments- God himself, to assign myself a check-box of faith.

Do I wear pants? Yes. I love pants. :) I am learning to love shorts. I had a progression of comfort, which I'm sure would be true for anyone trying a new style. I still wear dresses when they're appropriate or comfortable, but I loves me some hiking capris and sweats. Where I still struggle is with my modesty issues. I have an unnatural, I'm told, fear of looking sexual. Showing skin is something I'm growing into. I still have to work on being comfortable in my own skin, but I'm getting better. Bathing suits are much easier to wear now.

I didn't really "go crazy" because I was still a minor when I left. Then, when I turned 18, I had too much on my plate to "go crazy". I also had no money, which leaves little for "going crazy" and binge partying. :) I have drank. I don't much like it.

ms0tee said...
How are you and Harris doing? What is he majoring in?

We are great. I prefer not to talk about his specifics here. I will only say that his major is something that will mean more school, if he chooses not to follow into the family business. He's getting very close to being finished with school if he decides not to go into a graduate program.

Sardonica said...
With the elections coming up, I'm curious how your family dealt with them growing up. Was it something like your family was told to vote for a specific person, or did they leave that to personal choice?

My parents treated elections very much like you see Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar treat elections. We campaigned hard for people who "shared ""our"" values". We were exposed to the process from birth and were expected to participate. The discconnect occured when, as young women, I realized that I was really supposed to let my husband be my "head" and that meant listening to his counsel on who to vote for and what to vote for. My mom would sit at the table with my dad and they'd go through each issue and they'd pretend to "debate". Really, it was a show for us children because, as I got older, I noticed that my mom's sample ballot would have already been checked and noted in my dad's handwriting, with his pen. Basically, there were always core issues that would determine who my family was to support - abortion, religion, and "family values".

@Sheena - I think I may have answered your question, above. :)

Lauren H asked...I'm curious about what was taught to you about history - particularly cultures and time periods dominated by non-Christian traditions and beliefs. Could you give us some insight?
We were taught a very Christian-centered, white-washed version of all history. We didn't have much instruction at all, beyond basic definitions of groups, into other cultures. I knew there were Muslims, but I don't think I was told much about them until 9/11/2001 and then it was a highly negative portrayal. I had been schooled in the major differences and similarities of Judaism - but it was a surface level discussion. I knew Hindu's existed but had never met one. That sort of thing.

@Z is for Ramble - I haven't "thrown out" my parents beliefs, I've just filed them appropriately. LOL

Maria - My question is - Do you have any contact with your extended family i.e. aunts, uncles, grandparents etc.? Are any of them ATI also? And if not, are any of them supportive of you at the moment?

My extended family, outside of brothers and sisters, is extremely small. I choose not to go into the specifics of my dad's family because it would be easy to identify us. I have very extended family but they're distant and the basics are that if they talk to me, my father won't talk to them.

Thank you to those who threw a little someting at the tip jar. I *did* use it for something frivolous, as instructed. I went to see a movie and bought a jumbo popcorn and coke. :) The leftovers I spent on some farmer's market fruit and a jar of Nutella. It always seemed a little pricey, but I loved it. *big hugs and thank yous!*

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Ambivalent Egoist

The Ambivalent Egoist asked, in a previous post, if I would continue to "support" NLQ. What she is referring to, for those who didn't know, is the latest FJ/NLQ forum wars and the family issues between Angel and Vyckie (moderator at NLQ). I wrote an entire post on FJ addressing the issue and my position on it. However, I would like to summarize something here, because there seems to be some confusion amongst people who have been e-mailing me privately. Misconception number one - I owe all of my blog traffic to Vyckie and therefore have some sort of obligation to her. This is not true. I owe *some* of my blog traffic to Vyckie. Mostly, however, my blog has traffic has increased by word of mouth and a few other means. I don't promote my blog, really. If anything, and this is no slight on Vyckie or NLQ, NLQ takes traffic from my blog because my stories are reposted there - no one has to come here to read them. I'm fine with this. I don't really care about the numbers. The thought that I "owe" Vyckie suggests that she's done something for me that wouldn't have happened without NLQ or Vyckie herself. This gets tricky. In some respects, NLQ has meant a lot to me because it's a gathering place for people who have lived in this system and decided not to continue. It's been great having Vyckie to turn to when I had questions about why my mom might have made the choices she did. However, and I have said this to Vyckie, given the accusation that she suggested Princess Jo start a "doubters thread" about me on QF - I have also had my feelings hurt. Because, whether she did or didn't do that, it makes me feel manipulated. Either a woman I trusted enough to disclose my identity to, after the fact, started the stressor that resulted in me giving up information I wasn't totally comfortable giving - OR- I am now being put in the position I was in most of my life ("Who can I trust?", "Am I trusting the RIGHT person?", "Is there anyone trustworthy out there?") by someone (Princess Jo) who has walked this road, too, and knows what an issue trust is. Neither of those is good.

I will never understand why grown women, with similar backgrounds and heartaches, put each other in such positions.

Misconception number 2: I have had a falling out with NLQ.
Not true. NLQ is an organization of women. Can you have a falling out with a support group? I haven't even had a "falling out" with Vyckie. Which brings me to the next misconception...

Misconception number 3: I have to chose a side in the Angel/Vyckie debate because chosing Vyckie means choosing to side with the Empire (darth daddy, star wars referrence intended).
I don't have to choose. None of us is perfect in family relationships. This problem that Vyckie and Angel are having is, really, none of our business. That either party put this stuff on the net and therefore opened themselves up to our opinions is up for debate. Vyckie claims Angel okayed every post made. Angel claims that's not true and she's hurt by her mom's lack of concern for her privacy (allegedly - I haven't spoken to Angel). The truth is likely somewhere in the middle. For that reason - I'll say - STOP E-MAILING ME ABOUT ANGEL AND/OR VYCKIE as it relates to this argument. I have nothing to do with it and, frankly, think it's ridiculous that people expect me to choose a side. I'm not choosing. It's none of my business beyond the point that it effects me. Unless you're Angel or Vyckie - it's not really your business. After this, I won't speak of it.

Other accusations are that I'm being played by Vyckie or have been played by Vyckie - to boost her site hits. I don't care about the site hits and the rest would be something between Vyckie and I. Thank you for the concern. "You're so f-ing niave, Ruth! You and the other quiverers chose your lifestyle and now you bitch about how pathetic your lives are. Grow up, whiners!" I didn't choose anything except leaving as soon as I could. As for the others on NLQ who "chose" QF for themselves and their families - I wonder if you'd be so harsh on mothers who chose the Catholic faith for their families and then learned that their chidlren were molested? Is it the mother's fault? Do you go to those communities and call them pathetic? I understand the anger towards the adults who choose this lifestyle - I struggle with it often. Still, the truth is that every situation is/was different and a person's motives are often complicated.

This site is my site. My story. Read if you want. Believe if you want. I'm not the end-all-be-all voice of QF/ATI/patriarchy. What is it they say on other websites and forums? YMMV? Have a nice day.

*Note - This post shouldn't be perceived as an attack on Ambiv. Egoist. I welcome all questions, criticisms, and support. I just want the e-mails about this situation to stop. Thank you.

Friday, October 8, 2010

Life is good

I'm sorry for the lack of updates or story installments. I'm really enjoying my RA position and I think I'm doing a good job. :) I like the interaction and responsibility.

I've been really pleased with school this quarter. It's been a lot of hard work, of course, but I'm enjoying my classes. Maybe it's because they're getting more specific and less survey-ish?

I promise to post more on Monday (I'll have a day off, sort of).

If anyone has questions, still, that I haven't answered, then you can post them here.