Sunday, September 5, 2010

More questions brought up a point that needs clarification. She ( was concerned and voiced her feelings about my posting about Harris' "proposal". She thought it was in bad taste for me to post because I said, in her words, "no". I can see where she was coming from, and had I said, "No" or "I'll think about it." I would agree that it would be in poor taste to share that with the world - it would be embarassing for the man who asked. So please allow me to clarify what happened and maybe that will make it better. Harris didn't present me with a ring, really, or get down on one knee or make some production out of it. He and I were driving back from the reunion and he asked how I felt about marriage, given my past. I said that I think I'll get married someday and he said, "Would you marry me if I asked you right now?" I asked if he was serious and he said, "I think I am." I said that I loved him and I could see myself with him forever, but not "right now". The rest of what was said is kind of private (as far as specifics and emotions we shared) but the gist was what I wrote about in my last post - that we do see ourselves together but an official "proposal/engagement" needs to wait a bit and a marriage shouldn't happen until school is finished. I hope that clarifies the situation.

Fran -Why did you post the financial question and not my question? My question was how are you planning to support yourself when your blog income dries up and no one cares about you story? Why aren't you spending your swagbucks? Why don't you give money to No Longer Quivering?
Fran, I didn't ignore your question. When I do posts like these, I do them in increments. I start a post, then click over to another page or start a conversation or do something else and then come back to finish it. The last question on my last post wasn't supposed to be the end of the post but I ran out of time and decided to go ahead and post what I had. Why did I post the answer to that question? I don't know. It's been asked a lot over the last several weeks and it was just the next question on my list. Yours was, logically, the next question and here's the answer.

This blog generates very little "income". In fact, I wouldn't even classify it as "income". With the exception of one or two larger "tips", this blog might make $40 on a good month. That includes tips and the $1 I may earn from Amazon associates. Some months, there's nothing at all. It ALL HELPS and I appreciate every single dollar that someone tips. It's still not the income generator some people imagine it is and that makes me chuckle a little. I wish it was enough to be my "income". If I could blog and make enough to live that would be fantastic but I understand that only happens for a few bloggers. The swagbucks are being saved until I can buy my own laptop because that's what I told people they would go for.

Why don't I give money to No Longer Quivering? That's a good question. I should and if I had "extra" income I would. But thank you for reminding me that I should make them a priority for charity. If anyone would like to donate to them, please do so. For those who still want to donate here, then from now on I can pledge a percentage to NLQ and have Vyckie verify my donation if it makes you feel better. Personally, I would rather you donate straight to her if you want to see money go to NLQ because why go through a middle man?

Lane asked - Do you want children? How many?
Right now I do not want children of my own but that may change as I get older. I don't see myself having more than two.

In the same area, Kevin asked - "Do you know if your siblings want as many children as your parents or the Duggars?"
I can't answer for all of them. I know one sibling is fully committed to QF and would have as many as they could. Another says they will let God decide but they've not been quick on the draw. It could be that they're having problems or that they've decided to wait or something. Two others want no children (as far as I know). The rest I have no idea. Except for the first one I mentioned, I don't see any of us having as many as my parents had. For one, my mom (and Mrs. Duggar and Mrs. Bates) seem to be extremely fertile. I don't think that sort of family size happens naturally in many cases. Also, I don't know that they'd say it publicly, but I suspect that many QF, second generation children grew up with the poverty and lack of resources that comes with being a QF kid and they may not be very excited about having their children grow up in the same environment.


  1. Ruth, I think we figured it was okay to post about the response to the proposal. You have more grace and sensitivity about your posts than if you completely crushed Harris.

    Fran? You're a b*tch. 'Nuff said.

  2. I love the way you handle the ruder commenters with such dignity and grace. Probably ticks them off MUCH more than a response in kind ever could.

    That said, L.J. called the spade a spade. ;-)

  3. We don't know who Harris is, or even whether Harris is his real name, so why would it matter that you wrote of it on your blog? Plus what L.J. said about not having crushed Harris.

  4. Well come on. Ruth has said Harris reads her blog from time to time. Had the proposal and subsequent "not right now" not go well, she's not gonna pour salt in the wound. Plus, if he asked her not to, she wouldn't have.
    Her Swagbucks are her business. If the blog made tons of money and she decided to blow it on People magazines and Coach purses, it's RUTH's business. Reminds me of my kids. DD spends her prize tickets on tons of little stuff, DS saves, waits, and gets bigger stuff, of which DD gets jealous :-p

    Plus, who are we to say when and how Ruth should donate to charity? How do you know she doesn't? Maybe she's one of those GOOD religious people who don't trumpet what a good religious person she is. Heck, I'm Pagan, but Matthew 6:3 is one of my favorite quotes and lessons.

    Sorry for the rant. Can't wait for the next installment, Ruth. Anxious to hear about the report and what happened after.

  5. Good grief, Fran. What the heck? Who are you and why is it any of your business if Ruth contributes to NLQ or not???? How do you know that she doesn't contribute? Just strange, very strange. Sometimes I think I just touched on the edge of the Twilight Zone or something. Just so odd and mean how this cult behaves.

  6. Ruth, you should cash out your swagbucks as amazon cards and attach them to your account right away. My mother had thousands of swagbucks and she had her account cancelled by them - she lost everything. They told her she had violated the terms of use over there (searching too much or too fast or something) but she doesn't really know what she did wrong or remember doing anything like that. They can cancel you at any time and you can't contest it. I would hate to see you lose all those swagbucks. If you get amazon cards and put them on your amazon account they can't take those away. And I think it is a better value to buy amazon gift cards and use those to buy things there than to buy directly from swagbucks.

  7. @ L.J. Utter Your comments about your faith and your ethics made me really really happy. I'm not sure why, maybe because I have been reading depressing news? But thank you for existing. =)

  8. i just want to say thanks for posting what you do. :) it's probably hard for you to have posters criticize your every emotion or decision. a friend in the theater business once told me that being "good" in theater means having the guts to pour yourself- all your emotions, all your regrets, all your faults- onstage, and accept that people are going to throw tomatoes. i suppose having such a personal blog open to the public is similar. but you are really doing a good thing getting the word out as to what happened to you, and i'm sure you've done some healing as well.

    at any rate, what you're doing takes a lot of guts, so you have my respect whatever criticism you get from others.

  9. If you don't feel that it is comfortably within your budget to donate to NLQ, I wouldn't feel pressured to do so just because a blog reader thinks you should. Right now, I would focus on getting through school and making sure that you have enough to support yourself during the school year, plus save some for next summer. After you get a more solid financial foundation built, that would be a good time to donate to charity.

    I would also agree with the comment about cashing out your swagbucks for Amazon cards. Amazon has some great deals if you watch their sales, especially around holidays. I've heard other stories similar to Amber's, so it is risky to keep them stockpiled in your account.

  10. I, personally, would like to see Fran's personal budget, including a list of charities she has donated to and her tax returns from the past seven years.


  11. I'm sorry that idiots post on your blog. I think that what you do is worth more than $40/month, and I wish it were a worthwhile source of income.

    So I sent you a bribe on Paypal, courtesy of unexpected money in my life. I'd like to say I'll send you another one if you put up posts more frequently, but that feels kind of pushy, and you've had enough of that. This is America and you can do whatever you want. But if you can find the time, I'll try to find some incentive here.

    Rock on, Ruth!

  12. Seriously, no need to placate anyone or try to "please" anyone especially an internet stranger who pressures you to donate to this or that. I've always hated that anyways. People can donate to whomever or whatever they so choose; it's no one's business.

    My suggestion is to get familiar with a song by Ricky Nelson called, "Garden Party." There's a lot of truth in that song.

    Good luck with school. :)

  13. Ruth, as an RA, do you have better access to a kitchen. or your own kitchen? Forgive me, I went to community college and lived with family, then spouse during college so I don't know all the perks of an RA lol Because even $40 per month can stretch greatly for groceries and whatnot. We could ask Emily LMAO

    As for the kid issue, I really don't blame you Ruth. But if and when you do have kids, they'll be given what you weren't: love, unrestrained affection, value as individuals, and the ability to stay kids as long as possible

  14. Hi Ruth, sorry I am a bit late to the game here to post on your experience as a nanny but I wanted to offer my support.

    Like you, I worked as a nanny to support myself as a student in university. It can be a very rewarding job but should also be a well-paying one if you are working for people who respect the responsibility you have over their children.

    I had a mixed experience with nannying; while one family I worked with treated me with the utmost respect and payed accordingly, I also had a very difficult experience with another family who did not respect boundaries or pay me according to our original agreement.

    Becoming so close to another family fastracks a professional relationship into something clouded by the emotion you inevitably feel towards the kids.

    I sense from your blog posts that you felt conflicted about complaining about your hours or lack of time off. As an employee, you should have been paid an hourly rate (or equivalent weekly salary) that meets state minimum wage requirements. I suspect, that like many childcare workers, you were being paid cash and that your employers weren't declaring your income to tax officials. This put you in a vulnerable position and I'm sure, probably contributed to your resistance to complaining. Expenses related to groceries or children's activities and gas money should be paid on top of your wage and should never have been used as a 'stick' when your injury cost them money at the ER.

    You were absolutely correct in your belief that you should be paid overtime for working outside hours and that the injury incurred during working hours (your leg) should have been treated as a workplace injury. Your employers broke your trust and in all likelihood, the law, in not covering your medical costs and firing you based on your immobility.

    You deserved better. While I am no expert, I can recommend a few things I learned, so that you can better safeguard yourself in the future:

    1. Get agreement about working hours and overtime in writing before starting on a job.

    2. Make it clear if your employers intend to declare you as a paid employee - if so, ensure that they set aside EI and tax contributions on your behalf. Remember that in some states, childcare is a tax deductible expense, so being above board is better for both parties.

    3. Ask parents if you can speak to one of their former childminders, perhaps a neighbour or friend. Even if you don't intend to follow through, their reaction will give you a good idea about what their previous nannies have experienced.

    4. Finding good employers is tough but my best experience came through a university-sponsored job board. I'm not sure if the school did any pre-screening but it did incur a small cost to post a job, probably resulting in better employers than you might find through Craigslist or another free hosting site.

    5.Know your rights! Research local labour laws to ensure you can't be taken advantage of next time.

    I hope this summer's job experience hasn't put you in too much of a hole financially for school this year. When times get tough again, just remember that there is a community here that will offer support to you and wish you continued success in your life in the real world!

    Good luck and stay strong! : )

  15. Hi Ruth, I just started reading your blog today and I'm enthralled. Being a nosy grandma, I searched swagbucks for laptops and there are none listed - so I'd like to suggest like a few others to cash in your swagbucks for Amazon gift cards. There were several laptops that came up on super sale prices weeks before Christmas. But here's the thing - you can only request 2 prizes a day /with total of 5 for month. So it's gonna take a while :) So you request them, they send u an confirmation email, and I think it's still Amazon GC posted on 16 and 30t of the month. So you get an email that it's posted - copy down the gc # - then go to Amazon and store that card #

  16. My mom had only three children, but it was still more than she personally had the capacity to provide for or care for. Sometimes people mistake my decision to have only one child for not loving babies. I do. I just think they all deserved to be loved, planned for, and provided for. Poverty sucks.


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