Friday, December 9, 2011

Duggar Miscarriage

Ruth! Did you hear about the Duggar miscarriage of #20? Do you think they'll try again or get the message? Do you think they will show the funeral?

Yes. I heard about the miscarriage.
I'm torn about giving my opinion or sharing my thoughts on this because, at the very least, a family who wanted another child is suffering a loss and that loss is tragic to them. Who am I to judge them at a time like this? I'm no one. However, I'm also feeling like I'm not really judging them as much as I am explaining their rationale for people who've never experienced a family like them before. Right or wrong - I have an insight and I've been asked to share that insight.

They WILL try again. Like I said in my last post, it didn't matter how this pregnancy ended; happy, sad, tragic, joyous- in their mind, whatever happens would be a blessing from God. I have no doubt that at this very moment, in the Duggar home, the family is consoling themselves with the thought that their 20th (21st, if you count Michelle's first miscarriage) child is with Jesus. Not only is he/she with Jesus, but HE/SHE WAS CHOSEN to go early - they would consider this AN HONOR! I've heard some ask if they would see a difference between this loss and their first loss and the answer is a resounding "YES!". The first loss was not God's will, but the consequence of their decision to use that Evil Birth Control (EBC). This loss can't be blamed on that. You might wonder if they're self-aware enough, as ridiculous as the premise is, of seeing their pride and hubris as a sin worthy of punishment from God? I have to say that I don't know where they fall on that spectrum. My heart tells me that they will ask themselves this question because of the perpetual guilt trip and fault finding spirit that Gothard instills in these families. My head tells me that, although the Duggars wear the Gothard/ATI/QF badges on their sleeves, they're also Reality Show stars with the narcissicism and egos that seem to go along with being on TLC. They've likely started to believe that they are a virtuous, moral family REWARDED by God with this show. As such, they will fall to seeing this loss as a blessing. The real question isn't how they will perceive this loss, I supppose, but what they do with that?

The potential exists for them to view this loss as a warning from God to quit the show. That's a slim potential, but it exists nonetheless. They may also see this as God's challenge to them to keep up their mission despite another set-back. After all, Josie came out "okay", right? They may use this as a "teachable moment"- "see how we didn't let this loss stand in the way of our belief that we should accept all children from God?!?!?" If they truly view their show as a mission, then we will see every step in the process of their grief and acceptance because they view themselves as a light!

Unless TLC tells them otherwise (and what are the chances of that happening), we will see the ultrasound. We will see the kids being told (at the very least, we'll see the reactions of the girls who went with Jim Bob and Michelle) and we will see the door to the Tinker Toy House be closed for a few days before they regroup and film the funeral. We'll be shown the funeral. I would call on TLC to have a conscience and not exploit this for ratings. However, I have a feeling Jim Bob will insist it all be shown for the same reasons that they gave us a birdseye view on his dad's death and his youngest daughter's excrutiating struggle in the NICU- because it shows the Duggar family as the heroic, Christian soldiers that they want to be. Remember, this is the same man who said, as his wife and premature infant were DYING- "This is fixing to change our lives...we thank God for the good things and we need to praise him for the bad things too" (or some such thing). In my opinion, he's disassociated from actually caring for his family long ago- now it's all about showing YOU just how MUCH HE'S LEAVING THIS UP TO GOD.

As such, his wife's physical and mental health are secondary. The health of the flower he's planted in her uterus is secondary. The physical and mental well-being of his children (who are also dealing with this loss) is secondary. What matters to this family, and generally to all QF/ATI/Gothard families, is the evidence of their devotion to the principle.

On a more personal note, I was actually angry when I read his request for privacy. Not because they don't deserve privacy. THEY ABSOLUTELY, POSITIVELY DO DESERVE to grieve this loss with the dignity and privacy that most families would grieve it. The anger within me comes from knowing that this will only be "private" until it's needed for ratings or for the family's mission purposes. I also suspect, and am angry, because it will only be private in the same way that they didn't give us daily updates on Josie's progress, but kept it "private" until they gave updates to the Today Show or People or 19 Kids and Counting producers.

This show needs to end.

This people article, quoting Michelle, is the answer to the first question - "will they try again?" Despite the fact that, as I understand it, the progesterone dip would follow the miscarriage, and not necessarily mean that that's what caused the miscarriage, this is the excuse and "out" Michelle is looking for to try again. She'll follow the Bates' example and use progesterone next time. If she does, I have a feeling this show will be done- you can't say that you're leaving it up to God's will if you're taking meds to prevent God's will.


  1. They never said ALL miscarriages are the result of birthcontrol. Any way, it sickens me to contemplate the Very Special Episode and the hours of right response training the kids will endure before the cameras roll. . Here's my response to Jim-Bob

  2. What drives me crazy about this is that it was the QF (Vision Forum, I think) folks that drove me out of my church at the time after I lost a baby at 22 weeks and nearly died-because, basically, if I were "right with God", he would have blessed me.

    I understand wanting to have a funeral for a stillborn baby. I'm very glad I was able to have one for my son (and that, at 22 weeks gestation, he was legally considered a baby, not "medical waste"-which, in my state at the time my son was born, would have been the case for any baby born before 20 weeks gestation). I understand wanting people to KNOW you had a child and that the child was real-I had my son's birthdate and name in my .sig file on e-mail for several years, and only recently stopped wearing his birthstone on a necklace, when he'd be 10 this year.

    But at the same time-I can't help really struggling with the fact that Michelle already has 19 wonderful kids who she obviously doesn't appreciate.

  3. This miscarriage was related to Michelle's age. After 45 the miscarriage rate is much, much, much higher, largely because there are so many more chromosomal problems. The bottom line is, with 20 total pregnancies, Michelle was bound to have some problems. Many, many moms whom I know that conceived at 45 had miscarriages, it's quite common. That being said, if she conceives again (and she might not) she could have a perfectly healthy baby, although the risk of premature birth is quite high after what happened with Josie, but that's a whole separate issue from a miscarriage.

  4. They need to stop throwing the die at older women. Michelle ha preclampsia at 22 or 23 with John David and Jana. Anna had a miscarriage at 23. Yes age is a factor with Michelle but only one factor. According to some articles, you may as well say all over 35 should be sterilized. I always told myself if I don't conceive by 45 not to take a chance. I don't care what age Michelle is. That many pregnancies and C-sections has to be rough on anyone. I a sorry for thier loss but highly doubt if they will prevent conceiving again. Josie did not convince them to stop so I doubt this will.

  5. why keep tempting fate? Look what happened to the last baby. at 50, if i thought i was pregnant I would just roll over and die. enjoy your grandchildren, michelle. women weren't meant to crank out a baby for every year of their life.

  6. But is there not a difference between taking something unnatural (such as birth control), and taking a hormone your body needs in order to be healthy? I mean, in one case, you are changing the way your body was designed to function, and in the other, you are helping it to function the way it should.

    The whole God's Will thing is quite confusing to me though. XD I mean, I have a friend who believes calling 911 is in accordance with God's Will, but using certain alternative therapies is against His Will.

    Maybe, in many cases, God's Will means Following My Own Dogma.


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