I've never had a blog before.
Who is Ruth? I hope when I'm done with the blog someday I'll be able to answer that question. I'm blogging for therapy's sake. (If my dad new I was in therapy he'd disown me all over again!) I'm new to the internet.
I was homeschooled for ten years giving me my primary education. I am in school now doing what I always wanted to do. It was the school therapist that told me I should write this journal. I am rambling. Like almost all QF families, my family homeschooled their kids. I have many feelings about this. I got a better education that some I know in that lifestyle. My mom taught junior high school math before father and she became Gothardites. My father was in Campus Teams, which is now the IBLP, that Gothard founded. In 1980 my older brother (A) was born. His Irish twin came ten months later (this is brother B). Father and Mom waited a grand 13 months before welcoming the next blessing (brother C). I was born in 1984. I was the first girl obviously. I was followed by brothers D to F and they were followed by sisters A, B, and C. If you're counting, that made me one of ten for most of my life. When sister C was nine, my parents had one last child that was born prematurely and passed away.
My mom's family wasn't fundamentalist or literalist. They went to a nondenominational church for holidays. Mom said she never read the Bible until she met my father. My father's family were methodists. My father's history would identify him and my family and I'm not ready for that.
I am the oldest sister which meant I helped raise my siblings. My first memory is my mom lecturing me to always put others first. I think I wanted to be playing with my brothers outside and she had needed help with my little brothers. I was only four years old but I remember it in detail. She called me in from outside and told me I was getting "too big to play with the boys". She handed me a dirty diaper to throw away and I gagged. That made me cry. Crying was unacceptable in that house. Crying meant a lecture from mother or a spanking from father. My mother never did the spankings. You didn't cry because it wasn't appropriate worship of your Creator to frown upon your life by crying. I was taught that life was a precious gift and work was how you repaid our Father for blessing you with your life. Jesus first. Others second. Yourself last. JOY. I hate that word now. I know you're saying I'm ungrateful but I don't think I am. That word has been tainted and I hate it. JOY meant never having any for your self. That could be an entry of its own.