Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Again with the drama.

I have written and re-written this post. At the end of all the re-writing, I've decided to go back to my original draft because -well - I guess there are things that need to be said and need to be aired.
This e-mail came in two days ago.
"Ruth" I don't know if you know but Vyckie has outed you and not in a good way. Your name is "XXXX XXXXXX". You grew up in XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX,XX. Your father is XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX. You need to know she is not a friendly. Vyckie is two-faced.
My first instinct was to e-mail Vyckie. After all, that's what I've done before when someone tried to stir up drama. I support the goal of NLQ and since Vyckie is the founder, I supported her. What stopped me this time was the fact that the name the e-mail contained is the name Vyckie, and only Vyckie, had been told and knew. The town mentioned was the town I grew up in.
So, as I see it now, there are two options. Either Vyckie has betrayed my confidence or someone from my family has found another ally to continue picking at the scab. Both options make me feel ill. Before I could make a decision about what to do and who to confront, I received another e-mail.
"Ruth, did you know Vyckie is telling people you received money at Christmas from the Tina Anderson Foundation? I donated to them specifically for you. Why didn't you make a post thanking them? You owe them publicity for their generosity."
This puzzled me further. FOR THE RECORD: I RECEIVED NOTHING FROM THIS FOUNDATION. Here is what I know. Before Christmas, during the time of my accident, an e-mail came in from Vyckie. I didn't see it right away because of the accident and other circumstances. The e-mail said:
Ruth, I hope you are feeling much better and recovering well from the accident. I received the following note from Jocelyn Zichterman:

"You seem to know Razin Ruth personally and it seems that on her blog she is trying to stay anonymous. So we are in a little predicament. We want to surprise her (Tina Anderson Foundation) with a money gift for Christmas. But in order to do that, since we are a non-profit, we have to document to the government who we gave the money to and why. I also need her address, to send this gift on to her.

Do you think you could have some preliminary conversation with her asap, and let her know that we would keep her identity 100% confidential---never to reveal it---but that we just need it for our private records. We'd LOVE to send her a little something and get it to her before Christmas. I plan to run out Monday morning to get the gift cards. If she has any specific needs too...just let me know. Hopefully you can fish for details without giving too much away:):)"

So now I'm wondering if you could be this person for us? Or do you know of anyone else who knows her?

Thanks so much! Just hoping to relieve some of her pressure over Christmas. Joc.:):)

You can respond to Jocelyn directly at: jocelyn*******@gmail.com

I didn't respond until AFTER Christmas. I wrote to Jocelyn and Vyckie and I never heard back from either of them. Also, to be clear, I said I was wary of giving away my identifying information, regardless. I found it odd that neither Jocelyn, nor Vyckie, responded to my response.

Now I get this e-mail saying people donated through this foundation because they thought they were helping me and I feel strangely. The foundation looks legit but I never received a return e-mail or a penny. If you donated, please contact me because I feel horrible that my name is being used in this manner. Hopefully, this is all one big misunderstanding and there's a logical explanation.

What I do know is that my family wouldn't have known about the e-mail from Vyckie regarding the Tina Anderson Foundation. I welcome someone who can give me a logical explanation of what is going on.

This feels like crap.
What is going on?
I don't know that either or both or neither of these people is doing anything wrong but something doesn't feel right. This is my plea to everyone involved to discuss this publicly so that there's no more "using" going on. If the emailer is using Vyckie or TAF to try to instigate drama, then they're awful and I'll feel awful for putting all of this out here but I don't see a way around it right now. Part of me starting this blog was to put the use or abuse of others in the light of day - either way, I'm being used and I hate it. Why continue the blog or the story if it's to be used?
I'm sorry to ramble and rant but I'm sick of it.


  1. Do you think your dad has set someone up to do this to you? Can you get someone to trace the ISPs on the emails and see where they came from? Is this foundation legit? It all sounds really hinky to me.

    Please don't let this stop you. You are bigger than all of them combined and you have your life ahead of you now. If it turns out to be your family, then kiddo, I'd get a lawyer and sue their pants off for defamation.

  2. Hey Ruth! just a thought: if this Jocelyn is working for a foundation her email WON'T end up in @gmail.com.

    I think all of this is totally made up and who did it is really not clear.

    I hope everything turns out all right for you.


  3. Oh my gosh, how creepy! I'm sorry you have to deal with all this crap, Ruth. Yuck.

  4. Regardless of the outcome, it sounds like it might be time for you to break away from NLQ. You've had a lifetime of drama already, and NLQ remain surrounded by it. It sounds like they've really helped you in the past...but that doesn't mean that keeping a connection there is 'right'. It just stinks that you keep having to go through these dramas with this crowd.

  5. Please don't end your blog. I'm cheering for you!

  6. Regarding the foundation- I had never heard of the Tina Anderson Foundation until this. I checked out their website and see no contact info other than a paypal link and a PO box address. There is no registered domain email address anywhere on the website for contacting them. They seem sort of -small, so it would't surprise me if volunteers there use their personal email address.

  7. Ruth I am so sorry all this is happening to you. I really have no advice...(((HUGS))).

  8. I don't know you but I'm thinking about you...Hope this drama ends soon. Just...be careful to only burn the right bridges...for what it's worth.

  9. Ugh. Its so shady, Ruth. Im sorry this is happening to you!

  10. Do you know you are listed as a friend on their website? Something is rotten in the state of denmark.....

  11. Ugh, this is a mess. I'm sorry you have to deal with more drama, Ruth.

    I just want to say that the "people from your past" might be behind this. Vyckie may have been fooled or she might not be part of this at all. Or she might be desperate herself. I don't know, I've never met Vyckie. I hope that she's not involved, but only she can say.

    Whatever happens, take care of yourself and continue working through your story. Even if you choose to stop using this blog, this is the stuff that memoirs are made of.

    Other than this mess, how is the semester starting up? :)

  12. I think the "friends" list is just blogs they follow?

    But the website looks sketchy, and the only references to it in the google are on QF websites - which maybe means nothing, but I would expect to see the foundation mentioned somewhere else, like the articles they link about tina. The language is also weird - abuse survivors groups don't usually refer to people as "the victim," right? Especially not repeatedly. That's just sketch. And IF it's a legit foundation, could someone in your family be exploiting that, pretending to be from the foundation?

    I'm sorry you're dealing with this :/ I can't believe how hard your family tries to get you back even though they demonize you.

  13. Ruth,
    I noticed Jocelyn's email listed on one of her sites is a yahoo address. Her mailing address is PO Box in Florida.

    Go back to the first email, from Vyckie, and check the header information.

    Also contact Jocelyn at her correct email address (listed on her website: http://jocelynandersen.com/ ) and ask her if this email was truly from her.

    Did the "I know who you are" email and the "I donated money for you" come from the same individuals, or different people?

    Why would the "I donated" person say that Vyckie is telling people you received money AND that she donated for you? How did she find out that donations were being accepted (before Christmas)?

    The "Your father is XXXX" part is what seems fishiest. Did you tell Vyckie your father's name? Is it something anyone could find out by Googling your info?

    First, I'd validate that the original email came from Vyckie (header info). Then, I'd contact Jocelyn and confirm that the email passed along came from her. If it did NOT, then I'd guess Vyckie was taken in by someone fishing for your information.

    However, I'd be surprised if it was your family fishing for that. They'd probably recognize your story well enough to only want your current contact info.

    Hang in there. I've never posted here before but you have a lot of silent readers like me who are rooting for you.

  14. Hi Ruth,

    Someone just sent this to me in a panic. I'm so sorry I haven't been able to get back with you. I dropped the ball here. The Tina Anderson Foundation was able to meet the needs of 8 families/victims this Christmas. You were a designated recipient of funds, but we didn't hear back in time. And by the time you contacted me, the funds had been re-designated to a single mom with twelve kids, from the Quiverfull side of things.

    Again, so sorry. I can't find your email at the moment (and I'm in class)--but would love to dialogue further with you. But just be assured that this was sincere and not some sort of set up. Although, I understand the suspicion---trust me, I definitely understand!!:)

    Jocelyn Zichterman

  15. Also, another thought for you: The only time we mentioned that you were a "potential recipient" was on Facebook. So maybe you can ask the person who said they gave *specifically* to you what their name is and then we can track down exactly what they gave. That seems fishy to me--especially since they'd have had to have been following me on Facebook--and I would think anyone doing that would *know* without a doubt that we were legitimate.

    This would also validate if they are just trying to stir something up too. Something does not sound right about that to me either.

  16. Thank you for contacting me. I appreciate your comment.
    I am glad that you were able to help so many other people. Please don't misunderstand my intent here. As I said in my e-mail to you after Christmas, I would have a difficult time giving up the privacy I've worked really hard to maintain without some sort of further information from you. So - it's not about "why didn't you help me?" This is more about how someone knew you intended to and, if they donated in my name, how can we rectify this with them? I can e-mail you the name of the person who claims to have donated (well- their e-mail at least). You can contact me through my blog name at gmail.
    You should also have the e-mail I wrote you post Christmas which you could reply to (to get the email).
    I have discussed this with Harris and others and we looked at the e-mailer's information. They are not Vyckie and they are not TAF (as far as we can tell). The question still remains then: how did they know both of these things? It is probably- I'm praying- a very innocent and logical explanation that someone can explain. It does concern me however.

  17. Sure. I understand completely. And I have no doubt that anyone from our side of things was very protective of any private information of yours. I, personally, gave no private information out...I would NEVER do such a thing. I have a restraining order out against my own abuser (a Baptist Pastor) and understand confidentiality very much.

    It seems strange to me that someone would have donated specifically with you in mind though, since we never said that would be the case. We simply said that "you were one of the families we'd love to help out." If they designated it specifically for you, I'd think our accountant would have caught that. But I can check into it--most definitely.

    I would definitely need their name though...as it would have come through Paypal only and they'd have used their credit card (we only took money in that format). I don't think an email would tell us much...but I may be wrong.

    Again, I'm so sorry. I understand the confusion with this. I went out on Monday before Christmas and purchased all the Target gift cards and sent them over-night the next day to the designated recipients. I was *VERY* disappointed that we didn't hear back from you in time---as we really wanted to help you, particularly after your accident.

    You have a been a tremendous blessing with your blog. Just know that you have MANY supporters that are cheering you on---who read your blog nearly every day.

    And no worries, we understand your heart here and the lack of communication. That was really my fault---all the way.

  18. You know, I'm sitting in class (ironically, it's a "grant writing" class in which I'm learning how to write grants for the Tina Anderson Foudnation;/. But I'm this through even more. I can't imagine anyone legitimate saying something like this:

    "Ruth, did you know Vyckie is telling people you received money at Christmas from the Tina Anderson Foundation? I donated to them specifically for you. Why didn't you make a post thanking them? You owe them publicity for their generosity."

    After we sent out the gift cards we made it VERY clear that victims/families could say "thank you" publicly if they so choose to--but we in NO WAY expected that. We did not do it for a "thank you" or a "praise us." We all were guilt-ed into that kind of stuff all our life in the IFB. So we don't need any more of that.

    Just my thoughts--to chew on. But it just seems "off" and "wrong" to me. And we've had a lot of people pretend to be legitimate to us to try to stir up conflict---and this just seems like another one of those.

  19. Oops. I'm obviously doing two things at once. Excuse the spelling/word mishaps please:):).

  20. Ok--so we had a break and I cannot find the email *anywhere*. If I had an idea of a "search name" I could find it. But right now I have over 20,000 emails from the past in my box, and since I'm assuming your email is not identifiable with "Razing Ruth" (which I tried), I cannot find it. Can you tell me the day you emailed me? That may help---I can search from there and then contact you via email from here.

  21. I don't normally comment Ruth, but I just wanted to let you know that your story let me see the darker side of the QF lifestyle. It's helpful to know that what we see on TV about this lifestyle is not necessarily what everyone experiences and that it doesn't show everything. I can imagine that it would be easy to be lulled into that lifestyle (like your mother was) without realizing everything it entailed until it was too late to get out. So keep writing you're doing a good thing.

  22. All goo thoughts being sent your way. You do what you think is the best for you Ruth and no one else. Do what you think is right. On FJ someone brought up the subject of shit-to-sunshine ratio and I think that is a very good point. So do what you feel is right and in YOUR best interest, there is a lot to think about.

  23. Hi Ruth,

    Please take care of yourself! I don't trust these people at all. Maybe it's time to turn to a legal professional and discuss what is going on? Hugs to you...you are doing so much for those who find themselves stuck in the quiverfull lifestyle.

  24. I'm sorry you have to deal with all this drama! I don't have any advice, but I would certainly miss your blog if you stopped writing.

  25. I do have one suggestion, since I'm not sure exactly how, um, "tech-savvy" you and Harris and your friends might be.

    Your local police department almost certainly includes a cyber-crimes division. They could probably provide independent confirmation about whether or not the Tina Anderson Foundation is legitimate, and might be able to shed some light on the origins of the "you owe them publicity" e-mail.

    My guess, based on Jocelyn's response, is that the foundation is legitimate (but tiny). The two follow-up e-mails ("Vyckie betrayed you" and "you owe them publicity") are probably someone associated with your old life, trying to make trouble for you.

    (Presumably they see this as part of their Christian duties; I'm pretty sure it's the Sermon on the Mount where Jesus says, "Blessed are those who stir up drama, for they bring justice on God's behalf.")

    I think those e-mails came from someone close enough to your family to know your name and hometown. After sending the first one, they did a search for "Razing Ruth," found the Foundation's FB post, and decided to send a second e-mail about that. (Possibly assuming that because you hadn't mentioned it, you were ashamed about receiving assistance? It has a kind of "I know something you don't want me to know, and I know you want to keep it secret" tone to it.)

  26. And, incidentally, just in case the person who wrote those e-mails happens to be reading this: you do know that accusing someone of something they haven't done[1] is precisely the definition of "bearing false witness", don't you?

    [1] As, for example, by saying "Vyckie has outed you" if Vyckie has not.

  27. Back this morning. But I'm calling Vyckie today. She is a good, good person and totally on the team of helping victims. I think Michael is exactly right.

    And yes, we are a "tiny" Foundation---but everything I'm saying can be validated in the media. Just look up "Tina Anderson and rape in New Hampshire" and you'll see all the news articles about her story and the reason behind our foundation and the "Independent Fundamental Baptist (IFB) Cult Survivors" on Facebook who brought her hidden situation to light.

    I, personally, think Michael hit the nail on the head. I think someone used the info. that I was sharing publicly to try to stir up trouble for you. I'm so sorry.

    For anyone else interested, I'm an open book---a very open book. After years of living in hiding, I finally decided I would no longer live afraid and step out and speak. I have been doing that since 2008. I keep a running dialogue of what's going on in this cult on my Facebook wall. I always like getting to know new friends who've left this cult.

    My website is: www.freedomfromabuse.net

    We also had a "cult survivors" group on Facebook that the cult successfully got Facebook to shut down the week of Christmas (that's where we raised the Christmas funds).

    Everyone revolted and now started like 15-20 new groups on Facebook. So if you look up "Independent Fundamental Baptist Cult Survivors" on Facebook--you'll find a bunch.

    I also have a "flow chart" I created about how I see how all these groups intertwine.

    In my opinin (which is a humble one) there are four "mother ships" to the IFB: Bob Jones University, Bill Gothard (the Institutes), Pensacola Christian College and Hyles Anderson.

    And that's all the groups we discussed on our cult survivors site on Facebook---before it was shut down.

    I'll post my flow chart next.:):)

  28. Here is the flow chart I came up with:


    There are so many different apples that fall from this tree.

    If the link doesn't show up, you can go to www.freedomfromabuse.net and where it asks, "How do I know if it's an Independent Fundamental Baptist (IFB) Ministry?"---that link will take you to the flow chart.

  29. Ruth, I am so sorry you are having to go through this.

    I hate to get all amateur-psychology-y on you, but that's how I roll (sorry).

    I think I detect a lot of fear in your post. Do you have anything to REALLY be afraid of? Like, would your life be in danger? Could you get kicked out of school? Things like that.

    The reason I ask is this: often people who have been abused as powerless children carry a strong, generalized fear into adulthood... when they are no longer powerless. They work hard to keep things at an even equilibrium, especially with their former abusers or people similar to them, and go into fearful panic mode when something tips. Because that's how they tried to avoid the abuse.

    Often, though, that fear and panic is irrational. Let's say something negative happens and Papa gets p*ssed. So what? What will he do... yell? Call you a sinner? Bring up Bible verses? "Guilt" you?

    We can't take that kind of constant attack when we're living there, but once we aren't... it doesn't matter anymore. We know who we are. We don't have to buy in to anything he says. And best of all, we don't even have to listen! We can delete emails and not answer phones and, if we really get into a spot where we have to converse, we can make it clear the conversation will be halted at the first sign of disrespect.

    As children, abusers control so much of our lives and our self-talk that we have to work hard to appease them. As adults, they have NO power over us. They can't hurt us because we can refuse to let them near enough to. Those who believe our abusers will figure it out eventually, or weren't good people for us anyway and we're damned lucky we found out before we were abused by them, too.

    Obviously I only know a tiny bit of your life and situation based on what I've read here, and am aware you may indeed have some very legitimate fear of harm. But if not... you have nothing to worry about. Honestly. You've done nothing wrong with this blog. You haven't named names and have done way more than required to keep your identity from being the big part of the story. You asked people to respect your and your family's privacy.

    If someone else figures it all out, oh well. So what. Not your problem. You can't control what other people do. You don't even have to acknowledge it. You have every right to share your feelings, and if someone feels wronged they have every right to start a blog and (respectfully) share theirs, too. (Actually I guess they also have a right to share them disrespectfully, which would illustrate their true nature and class to the rest of us, wouldn't it?).

    I think the blog has been helpful and therapeutic for you. I know it has been therapeutic for others. If it causes too much stress and heartache in your life, obviously it's not worth keeping up, but decide that and do it on your own terms... don't stop because of this. This is someone else trying to take your power away, and you're stronger than that. Don't let them win.

    Ruth, you are a strong, bright, incredibly capable ADULT woman. You're in charge of your own life now. You don't have to let them hurt you ever again.

  30. One of my other favorites went private with her blog last month. Maybe it is a coincidence and maybe it is time for you to do the same. You can get the same level of support. Again, I don't think you will be as therapeutic to others as you could be but right now I think the important thing to do is take care of yourself first. You are an inspiration to me and my heart goes out to you. You are a resilient woman.

  31. Ruth,

    After all you've been through - even just in the past couple of months, I'm so sorry that there's this to work through too. Happy thoughts that it all gets resolved, your questions get answered and your unease is settled.

    Take care,

  32. Ruth, ramble on. It helps to get these thoughts of odd and conflicting situations out of your brain, on paper as it were, and will help you parse through them.

    I would say, sit on everything for a few days. Don't make any hasty decisions, moves, etc.

    You don't owe anything to anyone who reads this blog, because those of us who follow it have known from day one that your intent is not to out anyone, not to make money, not to champion a story of hardship or difference in the way you were reared.

    Those of us who have read this journal since day one know it for WHAT IT IS -- your therapeutic tool to work through the issues of your upbringing so that you are able to, at some point, assimilate them with your past and move on.

    The folks who send you stuff to try do draw you out aren't doing that with an honest intent, so I'd just ignore it.

    If someone is crass and rude and awful enough to PUBLICLY post who your family is, given your *repeated and specific* posts about guarding your family in order to prevent any ill will towards them is either heartless to your family and to you, or is someone in your family who is trying to force YOU into going ahead and outing YOURSELF so they don't have to do it.

    Ruth, put the blog on private for a few days and give yourself some time to think. Set the blog to private, and don't even read or check it for a few days.

    You are a heroic woman, and you don't need to fall prey to anyone on the internet -- or anyones on the internet -- trying to force your hand.

    That's what they are doing, because they don't understand the germane point of your online journal. And they don't understand you.

    So don't give them the satisfaction Ruth. And please don't take these things to heart to such an extent that it causes you distress.

    You have *always* been above board about adamantly guarding your family's privacy. Adamantly.

    So someone's trying to game you, chica. Don't let them.

    Take care, Ruth.

    If you sought no funding from anyone, don't respond to them.

    If you have no beef with Vyckie, don't respond to any e-mail saying someone outed you.

  33. Ruth, Jocelyn Zichterman and the Tina Anderson foundation are legit. Sorry you guys missed connections. I saw the facebook post mentioning you, but since I donated through the tip jar I didn't contribute.

    Don't be weirded out about it all. It is probably likely the person who said they contributed didn't actually contribute. Kind of a tip off that they wanted a public thank you for it. That's completely out-of-line.

    I'm facebook friends with Vyckie and check her blog regularly. I really don't believe you were "outed."

    So sorry you are dealing with these sickos. I can promise you it's not the foundation or Jocelyn though.

  34. Ruth, keep this in mind, too:

    "For every evil under the sun
    There is a remedy or there is none.
    If there is one, seek until you find it.
    If there is none, then never mind it."

    This may be a "never mind" situation.

  35. I think the bottom line here is what was said earlier: what DO you have to fear by being outed? I realize you want to maintain your family's privacy for the sake of your mother and siblings, but if indeed it's your father's minions who are behind this, well... I say let them. It definitely canNOT hurt YOU. You can't get in trouble, be arrested, sent to an institution, NOTHING. It would have no bearing on your scholastic situation, financial situation, or job prospects. YOU can't be hurt, so it's mighty ironic that the people trying to make your identity public think they're acting on behalf of the individual who WOULD be hurt.

    That said, it's obviously your decision how you want to handle this. I have enjoyed reading about your journey and I've been inspired by your strength, and I would hate to see your writing go away. But you need to do what feels best and most right for YOU.

    No matter what, this reader supports your decision. :-)

  36. I'm back on reiterating what has been said up above--what do you have to fear by being outed?

    I just watched Oprah's website about the show where she introduces her sister. In the article Oprah has an epiphany. Her mother's pregnancy was a secret and it was a shame to her for her entire life. Oprah's pregnancy when she was 14 years old was splashed all over the media. She was "outed" by her own sister. Her epiphany about what a blessing that was that she could talk openly about her situation and help others opposed to her own mother who could never talk about it.

    I've said it badly, I'm sure. Here--just go read this article yourself. http://www.oprah.com/oprahshow/Oprahs-Family-Secret

  37. @ jennl777 (and others) - if I'm reading those e-mails correctly, the goal is not to 'out' Ruth or to get her to out herself. The first one seems aimed at setting up a conflict between Ruth and Vyckie, and the second one seems to be aimed at forcing Ruth to admit something that (the author thought) Ruth didn't want to admit.

    There's a very sly, manipulative I'm-not-stirring-up-trouble-I'm-just-offering-information/asking-a-question vibe to those e-mails. Reading them again has stirred up some rather unpleasant memories of someone I used to know, who did the same sort of things in casual conversation (which was actually much harder to trace back to her, since you couldn't re-read spoken words).

  38. Ruth,

    Sorry to be so quiet lately, but I've been in a court a lot. I would say that Michael above has a good point. I have a coworker who spends a good amount of time telling people what others are saying, with the intent of making sure that he's at the center of things and that people don't talk to other people. This could be something to divide and conquer.

    I'm not sure if you'll get to the bottom of it. If you feel that Vyckie has been a friend, give her some time to respond. Also, realize that your family and those surrounding your family might be up to something.

    I'm not sure that your local Electronic Crime branch would have much time to help, in that you aren't out any money and no one threatened you. I say that based on what I see every day.

    If you want to forward me the emails, I'll try to trace the headers and get you an originating ip. It can be tricky if you don't read them all day, lol. Just forward them to me with full headers.

    Hang in there. Focus on the important things in life like school and Harris and your friends. Things like this will eat you alive if you let it. You are in control now and you can decide to not worry. Some day, your info may come out. But don't live in fear of it. You aren't putting it out there...


  39. @jennl777

    While saying there's nothing Ruth's family can do to her is an excellent sentiment, there's three problems I see with it.

    1) It may not be true. I don't know to what lengths Ruth's family might resort in order to bring her home. Ruth might not even know what lengths they might go to. Of course, it's possible they've written her off entirely and pose no threat. Or, as you say, they may be capable of using nothing more than words. But even words can wound, and no one knows if more than words are possible.

    2) It may have less to do with "what they can do to her" and more with "what it would do to them" and/or "what some third-party readers may do to Ruth or them, depending who they think is in the right." From what Ruth has posted in the past, it seems her anonymity is more for her family's sake than her own. We might hold varying opinions on whether that protection is necessary or deserved, but we're not the ones making that decision.

    3) It's Ruth's choice. We're not affected by having Ruth's personal information exposed, or her family's information. Whatever the possible outcome, we would only be observers. Whether it's a concern for her own safety, or her family's, or nothing more than an eye to the risks of identity theft, it's Ruth's choice not to reveal her personal information. If maintaining her privacy is what she feels is necessary, then it's what she should do.

  40. I absolutely agree it's Ruth's choice (I think I stated that pretty clearly). Michael, you've got some good points.

  41. Hey Ruth, how are you doing tonight? This is kind of a side note, but one of the things above made me think of this.

    OK, not too sure how to broache this (as no one like advice, especially from complete strangers), but I think it could be good if possibly you could look into talking with a therapist about having Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. It would make total sense for anyone in your position to be suffering from it.

    Just a thought. Hope I'm not being too personal.


  42. Ruth, I never post here, but I read every word you write. I'm former Independent Fundamental Baptist - a cult without as many kids. :-)

    I just wanted to say this: I wish I could give you the biggest hug and help you breathe easier.

    God bless you, sweet girl...

  43. Ruth, I have never heard of The Tina Anderson Foundation and they may be a valid non-profit. However, I do work for a non-profit community foundation and know for a fact that it is illegal for donors to contribute to a non-profit and specify who the recipient of those funds can be. This legislation, HR4, was passed several years ago in order to prevent donor fraud. It IS legal for donors to express a recipient preference, but not an absolute recipient. One example of the fraud the law is intnded to prevent is cases of families who finance their own child's education tax-free through "scholarships" that are funnelled through a non-profit. Donors may contribute to specific to one non-profit through another specific non-profit (such as a community foundation), but not to an individual. You are right to see red flags here.

  44. Argh, it's early... my last sentence should have read, "Donors may contribute to one non-profit through another (such as a community foundation), but not for the benefit of a specific individual. For instance, you could contribute to a community foundation and specify that your funds be used for the benefit of causes related to helping victims of natural disasters, which the non-profit must adhere to. Per the law, once a donor gives money to a non-profit, the donor is able to take a tax deduction, but relinquishes control over the ability to have those funds donated to a specific individual.

  45. Also, it would be unusual to receive a grant or scholarship for which you did not apply yourself or with the assistance of a social services representative.


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