Friday, January 25, 2013

Life March

Today, while I was waitressing, a customer came in and asked me to get him a table for four. No big deal...that's the job, right? As soon as his "party" joined him, I realized that his party was a group of Right to Life marchers, taking a lunch break from their stint outside the local Planned Parenthood. Let me start by saying that I believe we all have a right to our opinons and, as Americans, we have a right to protest those things which we find objectionable. This man and his party absolutely had a right to stand in the cold and rain objecting to something they can't tolerate within their own lives. Where I went a little numb with recollection and anger, was where their rights infringed on my own and left me in an all too familiar position of powerlessness. I sat them at their table. As it happened, they were in my section and therefore mine to wait on. I greeted them and even offered to put their signs in an out of the way location (mostly because of the grotesque and obviously photoshopped images on the sign, but also because the signs were in the walkway and OSHA would have a cow). The conversastion went something like this:
Me: Welcome to *************. Are you having a pleasant day? It sure is wet outside, would you like to start with coffee?
Guy 1: That sounds good.
Me; Also, I noticed that your signs are hanging into our walk way. Would you allow me to put them in our employee breakroom while you eat? I just don't want anyone tripping over them.
Guy 1: No...I think we'll keep them handy. Are they offensive to you?
Me: I just wanted to make everyone in the resteraunt comfortable. If you want to keep them, can you slide them under the table a bit and make sure they're not in the walk way?
Guy 2: (who hasn't said a "hello" or "goodmorning" or "F/U") We HAVE A RIGHT TO HAVE THESE SIGNS! You can't take away our first ammendment right! Guy 1: If they make you uncomfortable, then maybe you need to get right with God?
Ok. For starters, I think I'm as right with God as I am going to be until thought and prayer rectifies what was done to me in God's name for so many years. But, aside from that, what the heck? I'm just a waitress. I greet you and seat you. Not to be rude, but to me, you're a customer whether you're pro-choice or pro-life...I hate to even say that I don't care what you believe...as long as I'm doing my job and you're satisfied with the service and the food- we're all happy. The signs did, in fact, make me uncomfortable. ---- Because, the signs were laden with half-truths and scare tactics and had pictures of mangled fetuses in varying (and horribly mislabled) stages of growth. It just wasn't appropriate and it was unsafe.
Me: Sir, your signs are your signs, of course. As long as you move them out of the serving lanes and customer walk ways, you can do with them what you like. Guy 1: I think I need to speak to your manager.
Now, I'm lucky. My manager backed me up 100% and reitterated the issue.
Guy 2: We understand you're just trying to keep everyone safe. We'll put them in our car.
WTF!?! Um. Seriously? Was it because he was male? This whole day really took me back to an unhappy place. I remember being very, very young and bundled up in the sleety, cold morning to go stand on some corner holding signs I didn't understand. I remember shouting "No more!" even thought I didn't know what I was objecting to. I was a small child, after all. As a Gothard child, I didn't know what a uterus was unless it related to someone elses' right to decide who got to inhabit it. I don't even think I knew I had a uterus until much later. But, the point of having me stand outside in the cold, waving signs wasn't to make anyone think about the real problems with population control or birth control or womens' rights. The point was to put forth an adorable child to make those unsure of their beliefs feel guilt over choices they may have made. The point was to show other parents that our parents were holier and more devoted to God than yours because our parents placed their fear of God over our comfort. Our parents wanted to protect the potential child in your uterus more than they wanted to protect us from a car sliding just a foot to the right on an icy road. Our parents wanted YOU to feel bad that we had to stand in the cold for your sin. I even remember my dad telling a younger sibling to take off a scarve and mittens because we were supposed "to be making a point". We stood on milk crates with signs detailing mangled fetuses because our parents figured out that they couldn't control someone elses' sex life. How pathetic? And now, these guys were going to put real, living, breathing, walking, talking humans in danger because their precious signs meant more than the safety of their servers. Again, if as an adult you want to protest, then protest. But, don't use your kids and don't put other people in danger for your protest. These marches on Washington don't stop abortions- they're simply self-congratulatory, "look at me, I'm so righteous", group arrogrance. If you want to stop women from choosing abortion, then go volunteer to help battered women. Go give a struggling single mom a hand. Work towards better schools and better care for the children that are already here. Work toward legislation that would make adoption more feasible for people. DO SOMETHING besides standing there waving a sign! At the end of the meal, I did my obligatory sweep back to the table to check on my guests. One of them asked me if I was pro-life or pro-choice. I was honestly taken aback because it seemed inappropriate. I asked if they really wanted to know what I thought? They said yes. I told them I support women and children period. I told them that taking a black-and-white side was the wrong way to help women and children. They didn't leave me a tip. Instead, I got a pro-life trading card.

48 comments:

  1. That's awful, Ruth! I'm so sorry. :(

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  2. Omg that is TERRIBLE! And not leaving a tip is just rude AND ignorant. Totally helps their cause... NOT! So sorry Ruth.

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  3. As a conservative, pro-life christian, I'm completely embarrassed on their behalf. There's a two fold issue here: Their rudeness and them not leaving a tip. I'll start with the latter, as that's easier to address. Christians who don't tip or leave a low tip and/or leave a tract (of any nature) make my blood boil. All they do is make christians look bad. I hardly ever go out to eat (that's just not an area I choose to spend a lot of $), but when I do I tip 20% (unless the waitress has been really marginal..than it's 15%). Most of the people I know in real life don't just leave a tract, but I've had online discussions with people who do that, and I always say, If you want to leave an EXTRA BIG TIP and leave a tract, fine, but DO NOT LEAVE A TRACT INSTEAD OF A TIP..that is a poor witness. Sometimes their defense is, "But I can't really afford to," I'm like, "Then don't go to a tipping restaurant..go to Subway or something." As far as the other stuff, that's more complicated, and I have to get going, so I'll try to post again later on today.

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  4. What I don't understand is how they think that not tipping you and leaving you a playing card will win you over to their side.... ugh.

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  5. They were rude, felt entitled from the moment the walked in, self-righteous, but lacking in love and totally idiotic.

    And here you are, serving them well, speaking respectfully, doing your job, being diplomatic.

    They really lost out knowing a great gal even for a few minutes.

    Tears.


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  6. There is a certain energy that comes from protesting and "standing up" for what you believe. While I have no real doubt these people believed in their cause, the main reason most people do these things is to feel better about themselves. This good feeling is increased when there is opposition. So to cultivate opposition, by actions or words, results in a sort of spiritual blessing. Of course, seeking opposition is less risky in the safety of the pack.

    All that to say that these people were looking for a fight. It is the same phenomenon no matter what the issue is and no matter what side someone is on. Obviously this reflects very badly on their cause, but they don't feel that because this isn't really about the cause. It's about them feeling good about doing something important.

    I am sorry that you had to go through this, Ruth. Yet, you are not the innocent girl you used to be. You know reality and you know these people. The fact that they were jerks when they presented themselves as something holy shouldn't surprise you. You have probably seen more of that than most of your readers.

    This is a classic story, written in your usual captivating style and many people will comment with disgust. I am glad to see you back. But remember that the heart needs to be flushed from time to time. "Stuff" happens. Flush it and let it go. These weren't the first jerks you have dealt with and they won't be the last. You have many people who care about you.

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  7. Ruth,
    total sympathy from a former waitress people you meet waitressing can be some of the neatest people (I met amongst other notables the guy who invented angioplasty once) and the biggest jerks DO NOT get me started on parents and toddlers and ranch dressing lol. What a great way to be a witness for Christ, you tip your waitress they pay taxes on your order!!! Hold your head high and remember that alot of terrible things are done by more than one religion in Gods name I do not want to be those people on judgement day. Asking you your personal beliefs on abortion issues was assinine, your answer was the very best one possible. We need to address the reasons abortion happens in order to prevent it, not just protest and make ourselves look righteous. Blessings

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  8. I think that pro-life people of this stripe have pretty much destroyed the movement. Arrogant, militant, supercilious, boorish twits who shove grotesque pictures in your face, scream at people on the roadside and generally make jackasses of themselves have become the face of the pro-life cause, even if they don't represent the movement as a whole. These guys brought those pictures into the restaurant deliberately to get a reaction. I knew even before getting to the end of the post that they either under-tipped you or didn't tip at all. What a surprise.

    The thing is, these bozos don't represent every pro-life Christian. I could be slightly snarky and say that they don't truly represent any pro-life Christian but that would be mean (and I say so with a slight smirk). It's an empty religiousity - the worst of human nature cloaked in a garment of pseudo-godliness that totally misrepresents Christ, hoping to bully anyone who disagrees with them to adopt their position. Being married to a woman who was adopted, born the year before Roe v Wade, I have some pretty strong feelings on abortion but I absolutely will not condone the tactics employed by these clowns. Of course, every time someone picks on them or they get tossed in the slammer, they'll claim that they're being "persecuted for righteousness' sake". There's a difference between being persecuted for righteousness and reaping the rewards of being a classless jerk.

    Jim K.

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  9. Sigh.

    If only we all studied the ministry of Mother Teresa more closely.

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    1. Mother Teresa was Opus Dei and believed in self flagellation. Should we really be more like her?

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    2. She put her words into actions by taking care of the unwanted and the sick and the poor. She took care of the people who no one else cared about and cared for the helpless. She kept nothing for herself and devoted her life to helping the needy.

      I'm not quite sure how to process your unnecessary and demeaning comment. I don't understand why anyone would feel a need to say such a thing.

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    3. And what I mean is that if the people who spent so much time, carrying signs and being rude to those they peg as "non-believers" spent the same amount of time actually CARING for babies, like rocking the crack addicted baby in the hospital as it withdraws, or taking in a pregnant woman who has no where to go for as long as she and her baby/child might need, if they/we spent more time investing ourselves into the lives of the lost, and make it cost us more than carrying a sign a few hours a week, then maybe things would be better.

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    4. And maybe we'd get off our high horses and learn something else in the process.

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  10. Where is the unlike button?
    Mary-Ruth,
    Let me quote you, ok? "(they) have a right to their opinion". They have a right to eat where you work. Maybe your boss should hang a sign that tells people his employee is too sensitive to handle life so that the next time any Godly man or woman might upset you with reality they have a warning. How old are you my dear?

    Think of your niece Ella and how she could have been aborted if your sister wasn't a follower of God. Her miracle is your miracle. God can overlook the fornication and see the miracle of life which he gave Rachel to pass to Ella. Do you think Ella should have been a pile of goo mixed with the dregs of other aborted babies in a bag at your precious Planned Parenthood? You disgust me.

    I prayed for you and Rachel. Rachel got saved and returned to her Creator. Where are you? Have you ever asked yourself why Rachel has a loving home now and you're broke and homeless. Give God his due, he is worthy of praise, and you will be rewarded. It's not too late for you to reject the life you live and this hate full blog to redeem a life.

    Now I address the readers here.
    Anna, prolife people have the same rights you do. I am bombarted with secular nonsense when I dine out. I have to see women dressed scantally while they take my order. One waitress wore a skirt so short my boys were too shocked to eat but that's okay and asking about life isn't. No wonder our country is in the dogs dish.

    Dave, man to man, stop patting this woman on the back. Ruth is not a child. If you only knew about her true life story you would be ashamed. She had everything she needed and wouldn't need to beg for support if she had let God continue his plan for her life. In your words she is a big girl who should get over it. Her writing isn't special but keep telling her that so she can beg here and shame the Lord. You will be weighed measured and found lacking come the Judgement Day.

    Molly, Charity, and Remnant I have no words for you. Tips are not required by law. Giving the Lords word to stragglers is His Law.



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    1. Oh My, Eric, your attitude is actually one of the best arguments I've seen to support the 'other' side...Boy, do I know people like you.....

      Cindy@Baptist Taliban and Beyond

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    2. Eric, really?!

      I'm not going to take your post point by point. It would take too much of my time. But I am both Christian and pro-life, and I have volunteered for many pro-life activities. What these people did was INEXCUSABLE, and it gives the movement as a whole a bad name. It also taints the world's impression of all pro-lifers, even conscientious, compassionate ones, with a very nasty ugliness.

      If you are going to a restaurant where it is customary to tip, you leave a tip. If the service sucked, you leave the bare minimum of 15%. If you got good service, you leave 20% or more. I've been known to tip the entire price of my meal to an exceptional server. And I guarantee you that I am remembered and that any words of religious encouragement I spoke are far more likely to take root than those spoken by someone who leaves just a tract on the table.

      I used to date a guy who would talk up the server and, if he found they were not a Christian, would gently encourage them to look into it, and would then leave a $100 bill sticking out of a "Four Spiritual Laws" as the tip for our meal. THAT is the way you witness to an overworked server who is paid a base of less than minimum wage BECAUSE it's assumed that s/he will earn tips. Stiff your server and all they will think is that you are a jerk. And what kind of witness it THAT?!

      FURTHERMORE, these people were violating fire code. It is against the law to block or in any way impede the walkways in a restaurant. Not only would OSHA have a fit (and impose a fine), so would the local fire marshal. So Ruth was only doing her job by asking the people to let her stow their signs someplace safe. And her manager was absolutely right to back her up. The people are very lucky I wasn't her supervisor that day, because I would have exercised MY right to refuse them service for causing a disruption and endangering my staff and customers.

      In closing, I will remind you of the most important words our Lord ever spoke: "Judge not, lest you be judged. For with what judgment you judge, you shall be judged; and with what measure you meted, it shall be measured to you again." You've spoken an awful lot of judging words here, brother ... beware lest God judge you by the same standards and yardsticks with which you have judged Ruth and the commenters on her blog.

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    3. Eric, I have no idea how you could possibly read what she wrote and think that she's "too sensitive to handle life." She handled the situation quite well, much better than the cretins who she had to wait on, and clearly better than you're handling this one.

      Maybe you need that sign instead. After all, you can't seem to handle the majority of humankind if they're not in a burqa, and your sons are so delicate and frail that they have a hard time eating. The poor darlings, it must be hard.

      While she's living her life, engaging in the world, treating people with respect and dignity, you can go back to hiding in your cave, cursing at the sun.

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    4. If a business is a private establishment, you do not have your first amendment (or any other) rights in that location. First amendment rights ONLY apply to public space.

      They do not have the right to bring material any owner, manager, or person in charge finds offensive.

      If the owners or managers in charge are okay with the waitress wearing her skirt as a necklace, then its your problem if you don't like it. Go find another place to eat.

      If those morons were dumb enough to bring in hyperbolic signs into a private establishment, they are lucky they didn't get accidentally doused with a pot o'coffee.

      I am increasingly intolerant of people who have a very poor understanding of their basic rights in America and think they can do whatever they want where ever they want. As long as they obey all local ordinances, they can wave those signs in public space until they sprout wings and fly. However, in private space, it is the sole discretion of the owner/manager to determine if they have are permitted to do so.

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    5. Eric, if the waitress is so scantily clad why did you continue to stay at the restaurant, order your food, and ogle her? If all of the women are not dressed to your liking then maybe you need to move. Wearing clothes that do not meet your aesthetic sensibilities while out in public is not equal to someone accosting you to declare your religious/political beliefs. And if you're so sensitive then you need to find a place that is more attune to your sensibilities. You could move to MOntana or North Dakota to a sparsely populated place with few women and weather that would not permit them to dress in a way offensive to you. Furthermore, Nothing Mary/Ruth wrote indicated that she made any politically based comments to the customers. They came in and blocked the walkway. THey had to be strong armed into unblocking it. I'm sure if they had come in with some big FedEx boxes or their presentation from a trade show and blocked the aisle then they would have also had to move their obstacles out of the way.

      And finally, tipping might be at your discretion but the waitress doesn't get paid minimum wage. Therefore there is a tacit agreement between you and the waitress and restaurant that when you order food and it is served to you that you compensate the waitress with a minimum 15% tip. If these guys didn't want to pay a tip I'm sure there was a McDs for them to go to or they could have brought sandwiches from home. Instead they went to a full service restaurant, acted like rubes, ordered and ate food and decided that they were above everyone else and would give themselves a discount by not paying the tip.

      I find their behavior appalling. But, I'm not surprised by their behavior or yours. I have long believed that the anti-choice protesters only care about their own egos and trying to make others feel small. THey don't give a darn about babies or mothers. These are the same people who would let a mother and her baby die if she needed an abortion to save her life. Why? I can only fathom that you people believe that a woman who can't bring a pregnancy to term should be taken out back and shot b/c she no longer has any worth.... then again I'm sure you could still utilize her to cook and clean for you...

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    6. Eric, tipping may not be required by law but what kind of an a$$hole refuses to tip because their waitress has different views on a political issue than they?

      Ever find it interesting that out of the 7 billion people on this planet, out of the tens of billions people who've existed, your little fundamentalist corner of Christianity has the monopoly on All Truth?

      I don't even live in the USA but even I know that your first amendment rights don't aply on private property.You didn't know that and I can only assume it's because you were put through a Christian homeschooling "education". Or maybe because you can't imagine anything more important and worthy of protection than a fundamentalist Christian man's opinions.

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    7. For the love of God, don't suggest Eric come to Montana!!! He can stay where he is and let THAT state deal with him!

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  11. Eric, you lost me after the first paragraph -- and I am a pro-life Christian. The people Ruth encountered were not acting in a godly manner. The only reality they shared with her is the fact that they are arrogant men looking to pick a fight with any innocent bystander they can find (i.e. the waitress). How dare you turn this into an attack on Ruth? Really...

    Ruth, I agree with the previous poster who said those guys are an embarrassment to the prolife movement. You are to be commended for maintaining your composure throughout the ordeal.

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  12. Eric, you may not have words for me, but I have words for you: Giving the Lords LOVE to strangers (and family) is His Law.

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  13. No tip?? What ignorant arrogance.

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  14. Not leaving a tip is cruel. Unfortunately, in my many years of waitressing it was only people trying to "witness" to me who never left a tip.

    Eric - you are a terrible person. Get off this blog. Ruth has been hurt enough by people like you.

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  15. Eric, there are times when freedom from a "loving" home is well worth the troubles it brings. The kind of "love" that you are referring to is pure bondage. Real love gives people choice. Real love is what Christ demonstrated. The only people he publicly rebuked were the spiritual leaders of his day. The "Bill Gothards" if you will. Those are the ones he publicly condemned and rebuked.

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  16. Wow, Eric, way to be the worst "witness" to your faith I've seen in a long time. You make me want to run as far away from your God and the church as I can get. And I'm a Christian! Though obviously we follow a very different God, you and I.......

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  17. **Shakes head**

    Wow.

    I think we were commanded to share the GOOD news of the gospel. The good news of redemption, peace, restoration, forgiveness, of Jesus Christ and God's LOVE for us.

    To receive and ask with the spirit of a child.

    No where have I read we are to beat each other over the head with our
    self-righteousness.

    Seriously Eric, I am appalled.

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  18. I will say right out I am a pro-life Christian, oh but those terms mean different things depending on your own experiences. I agree with Ruth on this one. There is so much lack of love and real Christ-likeness among Christians. All I have to say is LOVE DOES! I appreciate your blog post Ruth, and it's honesty.

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  19. I agree that those guys were obnoxious, and though tips aren't required by law, I do believe that it's morally wrong to not compensate one's waitress as everyone knows that's their whole income. I'm pro-life myself, but do not march or protest and believe that the graphic signs are disrespectful to the baby that's portrayed in such a graphic and horrific way. I must disagree that pro-life protestors are all only interested in looking Godly. As a Catholic, myself and others get very upset and feel strongly about abortion and they are trying to get the law changed. I know that others disagree, but that is the Catholic teaching and I believe in it. I respect other's right to disagree.

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    1. Except not really, because you're trying to make things you don't like impossible. Unless "disagree" means only that people can not like it, but they have to accept your personal status quo anyway, because...well, I don't really know why. If you're going to try to dictate the terms of other people's lives, then this mealy-mouthed, dishonest shit won't fly.

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  20. Hey Eric, I gotta tell ya man to man, you SUCK AT LIFE bro. I'm a pro-life Christian. While, I understand and support what those guys are marching for, your behavior has to back up your words or it's freaking pointless. God bless this girl! I've been in the service industry before and tips are how these people put food on the table. If I were there besides the fact those guys would have gotten an earful from me she would have got a tip that would have paid a bill. And if you have a problem with girls serving you that are not dressed to your standards then you have the right to dine somewhere else. Or maybe it's that it's easier to mask a lack of self-control when it comes to women to pan it off as offensive. It you were really offended by it you wouldn't have stayed. And as far as you thinking that every one on here needs to stop "babying" this lady I believe that all of us have times when we need some compassion, ESPECIALLY over the small stuff in life! God Bless You, Ruth!

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  21. We had people come through town with those type of signs a few moths back.. I am very pro-life, but dealing with 2 weeks of nightmares from my 3 year old? Yah, my blood was boiling.

    That type of rally doesn't actually help anything though. It puts women who are hurting so far off that there is no way they will ask a Christian for help, support or advice. :(

    What about the women who have already had abortions? Those women are here! Their babies are not anymore, but where is the huge ministry to those women? Especially those who are broken and hurting inside about what they did. That kind of grief and condemnation is huge, and the pro-life rallies totally miss these real, hurting humans who need love and grace.

    By all means, try your hardest to end abortion and save those babies.. But to make a real difference you have to be willing to support a single mom as she raises a child. Suddenly being pro life doesn't sound as good with the possibility of a single mom who is at high risk for PPD calling you at 3 am because the baby won't sleep, huh?

    That's my calling.. And I am passionately pro life-which is the same as being pro-mother.

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  22. ... and when people ask me how I can believe in the divine but not believe in Christianity, I point to people like Eric. 'Nuff said.

    You handled the situation very well, Ruth, and don't let this arrogant, self-important twit tell you otherwise.

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  23. Ruth, I am sorry those customers were so rude to you. As human being I am appalled that parents would let their children stand out in the COLD without proper clothing. I have no problem with individuals peacefully exercising their freedom of speech even if their views are opposite from mine (as someone who is staunchly pro-choice), however forcing minor children to stand outside like that, endangering their health and safety to prove a point doesn't seem very pro-child or pro-life to me. I am sorry you had to go through that growing up (in addition to everything else).

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  24. Ruth, sometimes it's good to have a reminder that no matter how hard it is to be on your own your life is better then if you had stayed.

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  25. When I'm asked that question, I always respond that I'm pro-life, both before and after birth. The people at your table weren't pro-life, they were anti-choice. I just covered their tip for you and while I was at it I made a $20 donation to Planned Parenthood in Eric's name. Which I will do every time he comments here.

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  26. Eric, I will pray for your reading comprehension skills. And for the record, Christianity doesn't have a monopoly on Pro-Life. Go back and read Ruth's post again, only this time, take off those glasses that allow you to read only what you want to read in Ruth's post. I'm Christian and stand by what she said.

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  27. I disagree with leaving a minimum tip even if the service is bad. I was a waitress many years ago and I firmly believe that a tip is something that should be given when the waitperson has done his/her job. If the waitperson gets my order wrong, forgets to bring something I've asked for, fails to check back to see if I need anything, or if he/she is rude or annoyed by my presence, then there is no tip. If they do their job in a satisfactory manor they get 15%. If they do a fabulous job they get 20% or more. And I have had a few that were so far above and beyond that I left 75%-100%.

    I feel if the service is bad, then obviously the waitperson wasn't too interested in whether they got a tip or not so I don't leave one. And I NEVER blame the waitperson for errors that happened in the kitchen by the cook.

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    1. Wow, Ivy, good point, I hadn't thought about it that way (although the ethics of tipping is a whole nother tangent. Like I said I don't go out to eat much at all....but when I do, I've usually gotten good service. But one night a few years a ago, my friend and I had not so great service at all. I still tipped 15%. I guess I didn't have to. I try not to have harsh standards about what is good service, though.

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    2. Not a good point at all. If you live in the USA and haven't tipped then not only have you deprived that waitperson of a minumum wage, they've also been taxed on what you bought and actively lost money on serving you. So you think you're just reacting to the standard of service but actually you're screwing some poor minimum wage sucker out of money - and for why? Because they made a mistake with your order? Do you realise that that can happen for lots of reasons and you won't necessarily know why? Do you think the waiting staff get your order wrong because they WANT to? Mistakes happen. How selfish not to tip for that reason.

      Maybe they were having a bad day? Maybe they work two jobs like Ruth and their feet are killing them and they can't keep that plastic smile glued to their face when you make all kinds of requests, and they can't whore out their personality 14 hours a day while they do it?

      Put it this way. Imagine someone comes to your work and says 'OK, you did your job today but between 2-3pm you made a mistake. So I'm going to cut your wage for that hour down to $3 and take tax off of that'. In your mind, is that fair? It's not your fault that you live in a country where it's OK for some reason to avoid paying wait staff the minimum wage. But if you're a decent person you'll take that into account when you choose to eat out. And by the way, if you don't tip then you can expect shitty service the next time you go to a place, because you're practically taking money from some poor sucker's pocket.

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    3. I see a tip as a way to reward a server for doing their job well. I don't reward people for rudeness or poor service. And I didn't spell out my entire process for determining a tip because I didn't find it necessary to write out a lengthy comment. If a server makes an error or fails in some other area I don't automatically decide on no tip. It depends on how the server tries to rectify the problem. If I point out an error in my order and they work to make it right then they still get a tip. If I am treated rudely or they don't make any effort to fix the problem then that's different. Same with other errors. I realize servers are often busy, overworked, tired, etc. and most of all human and will make mistakes. But it is THEIR JOB to try to serve the customer and make things right. I have had servers who were so rude and so disinterested in trying to actually provide good service that they shouldn't even be in the service line of work in the first place and they certainly don't deserve a tip regardless of how low their hourly wage is. Some are just incapable of providing good service and should go flip burgers at a fast food joint and get out of the job of being a server.

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  28. What makes me embarrassed about this, more than anything, is the fact that these patrons tried to blame Ruth for their bad behavior.

    I wonder if they would have treated the owner the same way had he come and told them to move their signs since they were causing a hazzard?

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  30. Although it was the lesser of sins committed by these oafs, I didn't want to neglect commenting on their sexism. I too am sometimes dismissed by customers because I'm a woman. Although I consider myself to be fairly confident in myself at this stage of my life, it always hurts when a customer asks to speak to the person in charge (AKA the man) or someone who knows about the industry (they assume I must be the receptionist since I'm a woman). I'm sure it hurts all the more after being raised to feel that you had no worth because of your gender. Anyway, just want to let you know you're not alone. Unfortunately, gender discrimination still happens to all women in the workplace. Hang in there, Ruth.

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