I have a night off. YAY!
I don't really have a post in mind of this, but there are some back questions to be asked. Sometimes, I feel like, between this blog or Freejinger, or just having discussions with people via email, that I've already answered a question. Then, a reader will point out that I haven't and I feel like I need to respond.
I guess, some of this will be like an extended cut of "what happened" after my last series entry in "how I left".
Basically, the day I walked out of that courtroom, I walked out with what woud become my adopted temporary family. As always, protecting the privacy of everyone involved is important because, as I've said before, I want other people in ATI (and there were a few families and growing, in the area, at last check) community to be able to run where I did without fear. I want to keep that door open for my sisters or for others who had heard about my leaving.
I basically lived with another family until I got my bearings under me. And, since I was such a newb to life "on the outside", it took me a long time to learn things most people take for granted. Being out alone was truly a scary prospect for me. From birth to that point, I hadn't been allowed alone in my room, let alone out in a store or in a mall or elsewhere. Add, to that base fear, the fear that my parents would go rogue and sweep me away to a retraining camp or park me with another ATI family for re-indoctrination and I couldn't go to the supermarket without panic. Taking off the style of clothes I'd worn for so long took a long, and slow, adjustment period. Luckily, my temporary family let me lead the way and they never forced me to make a stand. I wore dresses for a while because they were comfortable and I still had a belief that God wanted women to wear dresses. The one thing I did, immediately, was stop playing music and I started listening to outside music. Nothing really exciting to most, but...well, for example, one of the first movies I saw had the song "The Way You Look Tonight" played at a fox trot and I thought, "wow! How innovative!" Then, I listened to some country music and that was my gateway to pop music.
Have I ever considered moving to Nebraska? Well, maybe. I mean, the obstacle now is that I barely make enough to function. Being able to up and move to ANYWHERE seems impossible. My degree is useless, probably more useless in Wyoming or whereever the oil boom is. If I can't make it here, where prices are lower than most places, how can I move?
I think, in order to move forward, I really need to deal with my emotional problems and get that depression under control. Then, just get a stable base- small apartment or another trailer to operate from. I'm working on it. :)