I want to say thanks to the people who offered me prayers and peace in my last entry. I know that the way my father lives his QF, ATI, Gothard missionary life isn't what most people would see as "Christian". I know Jesus' love is different than that for so many Christians that I've met.
Mrs S said...
I sincerely hope you do not think all conservative, dress wearing large families are like that, Ruth. We have 6 children, wear skirts, don't cut our hair, etc. But we would *never* betroth our daughters to someone without telling her, nor would we ever allow someone to shove our daughters or call them property. I do believe in submission, and raise my children much like the Duggars, but what you're describing here does not seem like what our family does or believes, nor is it what the Duggars do or believe (and yes, I know them)Mrs S
I know, Mrs. S. I think it's possible to have large families and do it right. I think it's hard but it can be done and I'm sure you're one of those people who knows how to do it. However from what I have lived and witnessed, patriarchy can lead to situations like mine and my sisters and it's more common than I ever wanted to believe. Another thing I learned is how every family is different so what I say shouldn't be equated with how you practice or the Duggars practice their version of Christianity. I'm sorry if you feel I'm giving that feeling.
I'm tatortotcassie from the TWOP boards and I had a question about courtship I know the Duggars would never answer. I know you endured a terrible farce of a courtship but I didn't know who else to ask:If "you give pieces of your heart away" when you date, doesn't that imply love is finite and in limited supply? And if love is finite, then won't you eventually run out of love if you keep having more and more children? It just seems like a such a contradictory theory.
It's pretty complicated. I had the same question after I started pulling away because it seems like a contradiction doesn't it. My mother always explained it, as her belief, that there were two different kinds of love. Love you have for a child which can be infinite and love you have to give a sexual partner, your spouse. People in the movement will argue (and maybe they are right to a degree) that it's unquestionable that you don't love your children the same way you love your spouse so that line is easy to draw and seperate the types of love being finite or infinite. That gets rid of the quandry for them. I see it that way a bit but I also see where you're coming from as love being love and just because you love one potential lover doesn't always mean you're going to love the one you end up marrying any less. My questions were about that particular example. My "betrothed" went on to have numerous engagements and no one ever suggested to him that he loved the next betrothed less because he was supposed to have loved the others with the same amount of love. There is a double standard that I see clearly now. I was very much seen as damaged goods when I refused my intended. My father and brothers were vocal about it. Girls can (not always as Mrs. S points out) be labeled as "that girl who DIDN'T MARRY" or "that girl who's still not married and WANTS TO GO TO SCHOOL", where a boy is "taking his time", "preparing for a family", "that boy who courted that girl and then SHE backed out". I may have too much anger in me to be objective for now.