Thursday, October 15, 2009

Out of the closet

I "came out" to my roommate. She and I haven't gone into details about our families until today. Finally, she was looking at the pictures I have on my wall and she said, "Wow! Was that a family reunion or something?" Ha, no. That was dinner.

In other news I heard that one of my brothers wants to go to school and my father is furious. He blamed me for being a bad influence which brings me to this comment in my last post.

Brenna G said...
I couldn't read and not comment. I can't help you let the guilt go, but know that you cannot control the actions of other adults. You can only control how you deal with them. I can only imagine how hard it must be to be dealing with this. I'll keep you in my prayers



Thanks, Brenna, I appreciate that. I don't feel responsible for my mom's choices. Rather I know that my father blames me for anything that goes wrong in our family and it bothers me. If my mom has her baby early, it's not that I think I caused it or it's my fault. I just know that my father will use any excuse possible other than the real problem which is my mom shouldn't be having children at her age.

16 comments:

  1. First, I want to say good luck this quarter with your classes. I hope you're enjoying them.

    I would comment about your family situation, but Brenna G has said all that I can say, and she's right. You can't control the actions of others. All you can do is to continue to live your life in the way that is best for you.

    I will keep you and your family in my prayers.

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  2. In Spiritual CommunionOctober 19, 2009 at 10:32 AM

    Jesus still loves you, Ruth Mary. It's sad that you want to drag our family business into the internet for the world to see. I'm hoping Jesus fills your heart with a servant's spirit so that you can come back Him and your family. Your mother's condition is cause to celebrate. Praise Jesus for the life only He can give. You can educate yourself but you will never be wise. In HIS name.

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  3. Stay strong, Ruth. We all have family or friends who can't accept our path when it differs from theirs. I have been there, and still am. No one agrees 100% of the time with another person. The people who care about you will support you regardless. I know a lot of folks out here in the ether are rooting for you, and would be happy to message (or email or whatever) should you ever want a friendly ear. Best to you!

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  4. Ruth, your walk is shared by so many who have "come out" of performance spirituality. Your story is one I have heard over and over from young people, particularly those raised in ATI. The problem with this type of spirituality is that it is based on formulas taught by teachers who assure us, without real support, that they work. When we try them and they fail, we have to have something to blame. Your dad sounds like one of the many fathers who have found that the "principles" didn't produce the superior children/family/life that they were supposed to. So, you are the easiest one to blame. It is very difficult for these folks to accept that the formulas and the ones who teach them are really to blame.

    If you ever need someone to bounce thoughts off or if you have questions about the ideas that lie behind your family's problems, or whatever, please feel free to contact me at dave@gracefortheheart.org. I have been writing and counseling in this area of concern for several years and would be happy to send you some articles or just have a conversation.

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  5. I, too, pray for you in your classes this time. There is an article today in the New York Times on "toxic parents" that might help you, too.

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  6. In Spiritual Communion said...
    Jesus still loves you, Ruth Mary. It's sad that you want to drag our family business into the internet for the world to see.

    I didn't drag it out for the world to see anymore than you do by putting us all out there as examples.
    I'm hoping Jesus fills your heart with a servant's spirit so that you can come back Him and your family.
    I never left my family. They decided to turn their back on me for a different opinion.
    Your mother's condition is cause to celebrate. Praise Jesus for the life only He can give. You can educate yourself but you will never be wise. In HIS name.


    I'm happy for mom if that's what she wants but I don't think she wanted it. She accepted it and that's different from wanting.
    Why are you against education?

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  7. Hi Ruth! I've posted on your blog before. I do want to encourage you as a christian myself, that you can still be a christian, even while leaving Gothard. In fact, if you want to know the truth, I don't even consider Gothard christian..to me he is part cult leader, and part a teacher of works righeousness...he wants to put us back in the restrictions of the Old Testament that Christ freed us from when he died on the cross. My family was never in Gothard, but I knew a couple families that were, and I got a taste of how weird it can be. The christians in MY circles actually believe in education...they believe God would have use our minds, lol. :-) They also recognize that for a lot of jobs these days, education is necessary.

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  8. In Spiritual CommunionOctober 24, 2009 at 7:19 PM

    You left your family, Ruth Mary, as sure as you left your Lord and Savior by not following His WORD. You cut your hair and dress immodestly. You disobey your parents in direct opposition to the WORD.

    Why have not you shared about your relationship with these adoring fans of yours? You are impure in thought and I can imagine in your actions.

    Your mother slaved for your happiness to give you a godly upbringing in keeping with the WORD of the Lord, Ruth. How do you repay her? You cause her worry because she knows you will not be reunited with her and you are losing your salvation. You didn't just walk out on a courtship Ruth you walked out on a path of righteousness.

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  9. Forgive me for this Ruth, but I can't read certain comments and not respond.

    You can't lose your salvation once you have been saved. Being saved does not come from works; it comes from the gift of God's grace (Ephesians 2:8-9). The books talking about how a woman should dress and behave were simply letters written by Paul, not laws (1 Corinthians, 1 Timothy). God does not judge people if they have short hair and wear clothing that shows collarbone and calf; salvation comes through belief. That's all. Should you try to be a good person? Yes, of course. But it's believing that Christ died for the sins of man that gets you salvation, nothing more.

    Ruth, I commend you for your courage. I too, have gone against my parents' teachings about certain things regarding religion and the Bible, and yet I know that God still loves me. He will love me no matter what. He will love you too, no matter what. Stay strong. You are still in my prayers.

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  10. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  11. It seems to me, "Spiritual Communion" that if you really had the courage of your convictions you wouldn't be cowardly hididng behind internet anonymity. You'd announce your identity to the poor girl you're so bent on harassing in such an un-Christianly way.

    Also recall, if you please, the words of 1 Corinithians 13:1-13. Where is your love, sir? Better yet, for whom is your love? It is not for Ruth . . . nor, from what I'm hearing from you, for any incarnation of God.

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  12. ***You cause her worry because she knows you will not be reunited with her and you are losing your salvation. ***

    That is so weird. I personally don't like Gothard or his teachings (went to a BLS a few years back just to see for myself what the deal was) and I have never heard of Gothard teaching that you lose your salvation!!!

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  13. If one could lose one's salvation, then Christ's sacrifice wasn't worth much, was it? Who are we to opine that God is wrong -- that sending His only Son so that whosoever believes shall not perish but have everlasting life?

    Ruth, I am appalled at the guilt this family member is placing at your feet. Please don't pick it up. You are a strong and courageous woman and I appreciate you writing this blog.

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  14. I have to agree with Neon. Reading what "Spiritual Communion" says, they are only trying to get a rise out of you. Don't pick up that burden of guilt. If there is a God, then he/she/they are more loving and understanding than what SC is taking them for. When you are used by your parents as a form of a free babysitter, placed on a scale of how righteous you are by the deeds you do, and contiually(am I spelling it right?) being taught in black and white terms...it is abuse plain and simple. And what SC is doing is just pushing more abuse on you. And I can't abide by that.
    As a side note, a rant:
    I don't get why more Christians don't speak up against this. It's dangerous stuff.

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  15. "Your mother's condition is cause to celebrate. Praise Jesus for the life only He can give. You can educate yourself but you will never be wise. In HIS name."

    First, SC, Are you signing this like, "HE" gave you the words to type? I'm curious what "HE" would say to you for so flippantly(sp?) using "HIS" name.
    Second, How can you be so hypocritical? You first say that her mother's condition is cause to celebrate and praise jesus for the life, but yet in the next sentence you slam one of those "celebrated causes" and then use God as your backbone for doing it.

    Ruth, I'm praying that your mother is doing well and will make it thru this with no health complications and also your new sibling.

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  16. I just want to add, that Christ died so that we may be FREE from fear and guilt. The God I know is a God of LOVE and PEACE, not one of fear and shame. How sad He must be when His word is twisted this way and His cherished children abused in this way. How dare another human being judge whether someone is losing their salvation? That is a call only God can make. I think you parents are going to get a huge shock at their own judgement, Ruth and I grieve for their souls. You continue on your journey. Grow those wings of yours and soar like an eagle. Much love to you.

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