Tuesday, December 22, 2009


I've had a rough day. On days like today, my depression gets the best of me. I just wanted to say Merry Christmas to all of you.


  1. Ruth,
    Merry Christmas and a wish for an awesome 2010. The way to happiness takes 1 step at a time, more than 1 day at a time, and knowledge that you can beat your doubts and insecurities.

    Bless you and take some time to enjoy YOU!

  2. I'm a new-ish reader to you blog, so I thought I'd stop in and say "hi."

    Merry Christmas to you, too :-)

  3. Ruth:

    Hang in there.....there are definitely dark times coming out of this, but you'll make it. One survivor to another - you are never alone. He is always with you. Always.
    Merry Christmas!

    Love and Prayers,

  4. I'm sorry you're having a bad day. It's HARD to adjust, but I know you will get there. Hang in there! It will get better, I promise. I've had those days, too. Heck, I still have them occasionally. But they are getting fewer and farther between!

    Merry Christmas to you, too.

  5. Merry Christmas Ruth. Hang in there- time heals all wounds.

  6. Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to you in your new life. I enjoy your writing very much!

  7. There are a LOT of people out here rooting for you and sending you best wishes. You're so smart, insightful, and courageous -- stay strong!

  8. Yesterday was the Winter Solstice, the shortest day of the year (specifically 9 hours and 35 minutes of sunlight), so as my friends and I like to say, it only gets brighter from here. :)

  9. I'm rooting for you too, Ruth. It takes a lot of courage to do what you're doing.

  10. Ruth,

    I've been following your blog via TWoP. I just wanted to let you know how brave I think you are for striking out on your own after a lifetime of sheltering and oppression. I know it probably doesn't mean a whole lot, but please know that there are a lot of us in Internetland cheering you on. Stay strong.

    Merry Christmas, and best wishes for a happy 2010. :)

  11. Merry Christmas to you, also! Hope you find a way to make yours special! :)

  12. Merry, merry Christmas to you!

    I don't know what your holiday plans are but I hope they involve spending some time with friends if not with family. (hugs)

    -- tatortotcassie

  13. I hope and pray your Christmas day and following is much happier for you than when you posted this. I've struggled with depression in my twenties, and it's no picnic. You aren't alone. If Christmas can't be "merry" for you, then I pray that it be calm, peaceful, and a very good day for you in its own way.

  14. You are a heroine to so many people. You are valued and loved by God (imo) and by your blog readers. We cherish your thoughts and are cheering you on in all your challenges and celebrating with you in all your successes. I hope that you can "feel the love". =) Sending warm thoughts and well wishes your way.

  15. Ruth,

    Hang in there! You may not know us in real life, but lots of your readers are rooting for you. Things will get better eventually. That doesn't mean there won't be hard times in between now and then, but someday (soon, I hope), you'll see light at the end of the tunnel.

  16. I know how you feel and am so sorry you are going through all of this. Sending you warm hugs.

  17. "When things go wrong as they sometimes will,
    When the road you're trudging seems all up hill,
    When the funds are low and the debts are high
    And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,
    When care is pressing you down a bit,
    Rest if you must, but don't you quit.
    Life is queer with its twists and turns,
    As every one of us sometimes learns,
    And many a failure turns about
    When he might have won had he stuck it out;
    Don't give up though the pace seems slow--
    You may succeed with another blow,
    Success is failure turned inside out--
    The silver tint of the clouds of doubt,
    And you never can tell how close you are,
    It may be near when it seems so far;
    So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit-
    It's when things seem worst that you must not quit."

    ~ Unknown

    From one young woman to another - just keep going Ruth! I wish I could give you a great big Christmas hug! Keeping you in my prayers...


  18. Chiming in on the love and good wishes. Just want to reassure you that you will find peace and happiness on the path that you've chosen.

  19. Merry Christmas. Try to be around people if you can. Volunteer somewhere - it'll help.

  20. Miss Ruth,

    You carry great burdens from your past, but this has also made you into a woman with an important mission - your blog. I have enormous respect for the fact that you have depression yet still have the strength to spread your message.

    Your readers and those around you care. You are important, you are intelligent, and you are a good, strong woman. :-) I hope this rough patch passes quickly.

  21. Merry Christmas, Ruth, and best wishes for a truly joyous, enlightening and healing new year!


  22. Ruth - I am rooting for you to find peace within yourself. The holidays are tough, for sure... hang in there, you deserve a full, rich, and happy life!

  23. Ruth, did you ever consider that your depression could be a result of following the wrong path? When we veer from the glorious path of God and onto selve serving paths, we can find ourselfs without God's spirit. This is the depression you suffer from. Come back to the Word to find the Peace you lack. You've made your choices, Ruth. We will pray for you. We want you back, please know that, but you need to be right with Our Heavenly Father and His Plan. Proverbs 31:30-31
    30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.
    31 Give her the reward she has earned, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.

  24. Anonymous, learn how to spell.

  25. Hang in there Ruth. No matter what the detractor says, depression is a chemical imablance that cannot be prayed away. Thankfully, you know that now that you're out of the influence of the people who kept you in the dark and whose ignorance shines everytime they post here. Case in point:

    I've never heard of "ourselfs" before. School of the dining room table much?

    Yikes. Take comfort that your college education will get you much farther in life than the life you were previously being groomed for and the best news is, you can do it and still be a Christian or whatever faith you choose to embrace (or reject) of your own free will.

    Merry Christmas and best wishes for a happy, healthy 2010.


  26. Merry Christmas to you as well, Ruth.
    I pray that you are able to break free from all that is holding you back and that you have a fresh and beautiful new start in 2010!

    p.s. I always get really depressed this time of year so I kinda get what you are feeling---hang in there sweetie!

  27. Merry Christmas. Take a few minutes to pamper yourself with something you enjoy.

    Thank you for your blog. You are serving a good purpose. Take care of yourself.

  28. I wanted to let you know how brave you are and that what you are doing is very important. I'm sure with all the changes in your life, the holidays can be a hard time.

    15 years ago I was challenged by a college professor to go and write my thesis on the FLDS. I had only read about them and had never been to that area of the country. 15 years later I am still helping younf FLDS women and men, I never went home.

    Your blog helps people see past the sugar coated version of the Duggars we see on tv. After reading your blog and others, I actually think what you and others have gone through is worse then what I have witnessed in the FLDS and attention needs to be brought to it.

    Keep positive during the holidays and thanks for your blog and honest answers.

  29. Dear Ruth,
    I found your blog through TWoP. I think you are a gifted writer and you have something important to convey to the world. This time of the year is hard on many people. The lack of natural light, the stress of college/university, and the many things you are working through-- it's enough to make anyone depressed. Please take some time and do something for you! I know you are a college student, so money is not abundant. I know you love libraries, maybe you can find a great book to curl up with, or rent some movies at the library and enjoy some popcorn and a good movie-- if that is what you like. Personally, I love to have a mini-spa day-- bubble bath, candles, music, good smelling lotion, and give myself a manicure and pedicure complete with fun nail polish. Also, it might be a good idea to invest in a light that mimics natural sunlight. I found one last year at CVS (drugstore chain here in the midwest) of all places for $30. The light therapy helps a lot! I don't get as bummed out as easily when I use it on a regular basis. Keep your chin up and know you have a whole group of supporters out here in Internet land rooting for you!!
    Grace and peace to you, Heather

  30. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to you Ruth! I check your blog often and know you struggle with some things. But you are a strong and very smart woman and I really feel you will succeed in life. Give yourself a big hug from me!

  31. I am also a new reader and just wanted to offer support. Merry Christmas to you and may you have a truly wonderful new year. You deserve it.

  32. Merry Christmas Ruth and a very Happy New Year!

    Keep slogging through. I was also having a nasty time with my depression the past couple of days. I would ignore your troll here. Depression is a chemical imbalance not a "pray the bad away" kind of thing. Prayer/meditation can help, but it will not "cure it." Hang in there!

  33. Hey Ruth,
    It's a bit late for me to say this(it's after Christmas) but I was just introduced to your blog today through freejinger. Now that I've said that,some things I want to say.
    1) To the anon person who wants to put her down, you are a coward and a fink. You are like the detractors in the Allegory of the Cave, who when faced with the truth rather turn on the person who brings the truth than face it headon. It's depraved, disgusting and if anything points out that you feel threatened. To quote a former commentor, the more you act like this..the more you prove her to be right!
    2) Depression is not an affliction sent to you from God and neither is it because of sin. They are trying to liken you to the OT's King Saul who was said to have been tormented by a spirit after he stop doing what God wanted. Honestly he probally just had a psychotic break but that's just me. But I don't say this to make you feel better, I say this as veriable fact. I have Bi-polar disorder and it is rarely fun let me tell you, but it was much worse when I actually believed the folks who told me I was just making my symptoms up, that it was a curse from God, that I couldn't feel these various emotions because it was a sin...and if I am depressed then I need to pray it away because depression is sin. It sickens me just at the thought of it.

  34. I love how people like "Anonymous" can put on their Jesus masks and spew all kinds of hate. This is one thing that turns people off to "Christians".

    The Bible is a group of stories written by men. Especially the Old Testement. Some of it conradicts itself, some of it is downright cruel and beautiful in parts.

    I prefer to live my life WWJD not what would St. Paul do, who I am sure did great things, but he didn't like women and he was a real grouch too. Jesus accepted women and went out of his way to eat and stay with so-called sinners. He touched the untouchables and healed the leapers.

    It's sad that people who hole themselves up in seclusion find themselves able to judge others. Just laugh at them and think WWJD. Jesus would give you a hug.


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