Friday, January 22, 2010

Help offers

I appreciate the many offers of help. I don't respond to them because I'm not fluent enough about internet ettiquette to know if it's in poor taste to accept help from my online friends. I've also seen the ladies on Sybermom or FreeJinger suggest that help is usually the sign of a bad blog so I don't want to join those ranks.

The problem is, although I would love help and appreciate it, your offers mean so much to me that that's help enough for my soul. Second problem - I wouldn't know how to accept the help through a computer.

Please don't think I've been ignoring the e-mails and comments about gift cards. They touched my heart. I am blessed just to know you.


  1. AWWW- Ruth, you are truly a wonderful individual. I am sure your blog is helping so many who have been/were in your situation as well as educating the masses as to the "non white-washed version" of the Duggar-esque life style. Thank you for being so open and answering our questions. I hope writing this blog has been therapeutic to you.

    I have not seen you on TwoP lately....(I really shouldn't spend so much time on there myself- I have homework!)- where you planning on watching the TLC special "19kids and counting"?

  2. ^^ Just in case this is the first you heard of the new episode - it's on Jan 31 at 8 pm (TLC) and obviously, it's all about #19, little Josie.

    I've been thinking about you lately Ruth, and was wondering if you have had the opportunity to speak with your mother any time recently? How are she and baby Blessing faring these days?

    I truly enjoy your blog Ruth, and hopefully it's been having its intended effect for you.

  3. I think I'm safe in speaking for many of your readers when they say that our desire to help in some way is a reflection of the high esteem in which we hold you. You're a tremendous person who is heroic in her efforts to live on her own and we admire your openness, your tenacity and your grace. I would be happy to send you a care package. Not as pitiful charity but as a contribution to a good cause - a wonderful life for you. You can reach me at

  4. Do you have a paypal account? You can set up a Donate button through them.

  5. Ruth, if you have a bank account, it is easy to set up a paypal account. There are many who have gone before you and grew up in ways similar to the way you did (I am one). We remember what it was like in those first horrible years "out," and helping you financially would be an honor. Further, you're not asking, we're offering. Please set up a paypal account.

  6. Yes, the PayPal account! If you set up your PayPal account and add a button, you can get donations without having to ask for them. Internet etiquette dictates that PayPal buttons are okay, and not in bad taste. :D

  7. What Laura said. Consider it like the tip jar at a coffee bar. People can put something in it if they want, but there's no obligation for them to do so. Not pushy or bad taste AT ALL.

  8. Ruth,
    A lady once set up a blog and asked people to help her pay off her credit card debit. You aren't asking for people to pay off your debt, you aren't asking people for anything. We want to help you. Setting up a PayPal account is a great idea!! Seriously, give it some thought!!

  9. I definitely recommend -- people can donate online and you can transfer the money into your bank account. We're all pulling for you!

  10. I think a PayPal account is a great idea! Please don't feel as if you're getting handouts. So many people here are pulling for you and want to help however we can. =) It is not at all in bad taste.

  11. hi
    people can also email you amazon gift card codes. private and you can pick what you need. i often have card codes i struggle to spend so i could pass them along now and then.

  12. Ruth,

    There's thought called "pay it forward" that says that a good deed can be repaid by giving a good deed to another person.

    Many of us have been fortunate for most of our lives. I was given an amazing set of parents and basically shoe horned into a good life. I like to pay it forward by making sure that others can get a good life.

    You have so many people that want you to succeed. It would be kind of you to let us share it with you. I don't think anyone lurking is Bill Gates, but I know what a few extra dollars here and there can do for a person who doesn't have extra.

    Paypal is a safe way to exchange money on the web. My friends and I use it to send bday gifts (instead of checks and gift cards). It has other neat functions, like online purchases, too.

    I don't think it's rude to link a paypal button on your blog. If people want to give, they will. If they don't, they won't. I'm sure it will give your family something nasty to say about you, but I say Rock on! People need to be needed. We are all needy at points in our life. The sin is not passing it on when you aren't needy. It makes people feel connected when they can share with a community of friends.

    Also, have you looked into work study at your school? I worked on a college campus for ten years and I would think you qualify.
    Many schools also have apartments or family living areas. I had international student friends who got a studio apartment (re: single large dorm room with a kitchen and bath) and they lived there year round. That might help give you a sense of home.

    Good luck! Please contact me if you have any technical questions.

  13. In addition to a PayPal button, how about a link to a charity for people leaving the Quiverfull life? (The Take Heart Project on NLQ comes to mind, although I'm not sure if it's fully established yet). That way people could contribute to you and/or to those in a similar situation, and it might shut up anyone daft enough to think you're asking for handouts.

    Good luck! You've shown an amazing degree of sanity, and I've learnt a lot from reading your posts.

  14. what Gizmola said....=)

  15. I think you should definitely think about PayPal and look at it as a tip jar. People are interested in reading your blog in large part because you write well enough to interest them in what you have to say. That's a talent. Why not give people the opportunity to show their appreciation?

  16. Ruth, I would also like to encourage you to let us help out. Cynthia said, "Pay It Forward." And I wholeheartedly agree.
    I would also encourage you to add 'Ad Sense' to your blog as well as other advertising. It is NOT a sell out; it is a way of supporting yourself. Supporting youself is a great way to feel more independent and in control of your life.
    Be of good cheer.

  17. Thank you for the feedback. I really value it and I'll think about what you've all said. I may need help with all the code stuff if I make this an option at some point. I never knew there were amazon points. Adsense is a good idea too. The one thing I worry about is what someone pointed out- my family. If I added a paypal option then would my family be able to find my address by donating?

  18. Ruth,

    I've used paypal since 2000 and I've never worried about people finding my address. I went into my own account and looked at my last transaction (a bday donation from my best friend). There was no indication of her address or location.

    I think when I use paypal for auctions I have to send them my shipping addy so I can get my stuff. I don't think it shows that kind of information unless you type it in. To make a donation or a payment, you enter the person receiving the donation's email address and the amount you want to send. You indicate it's a gift or a donation, so it's a free transaction and it goes through. The person making the donation gets an email saying the donation has been made and deducted from their account.

    A person making a donation can't get info out of paypal. They'd need a subpoena from a law enforcement agency in order to get your personal info from Paypal. If you'd like to see a screen shot of the details of a transaction, I can send one to you.

    Just between us (and all your readers) I work for law enforcement in electronic crime. I've worked online stalking cases and never seen anything involving paypal. Feel free to email me if you want more info. Hathorlive(AT)aol com

    I'll do some more checking though I'm confident that it would be hard to track someone via paypal.

    If you are really concerned about protecting your identity, you can use a program like TOR that will mask your posting IP address, so you can't be traced that way.

  19. I think this is a great idea! What a gift to be able to help a real person, and see the results. Different than a large and vague "charity," anyway.

    I'm pretty sure no one can find your address through Paypal. Just set up a free online email account just for that purpose, if you don't have one already. It might be helpful.

  20. I agree with the others, set up a PayPal account and add the button to your blog. It's not unusual for bloggers to have them and the readers choose if they want to donate money or not. No big deal! I would be happy to help out. A few years ago I had a *very* rough time in life, on every level, and the financial stress on top of everything else made the situation horrible.
    If I can help someone else so that they won't have to go through what I went through I'm more than willing to do it.

    I made your soup the other day and it was delicious btw, loved it!

  21. Ok. I'm going to try it. I really hope people understand that I do not expect anything and I'm not asking for charity. Consider it a tip jar for telling the story.

    You all are wonderful people.

  22. Ruth,
    Thank you for sharing your story with us. I'm glad that you have decided to allow your readers to contribute, I'm sure you put a lot of time and thought into what you post. Remember, you don't owe us anything in return (but if you buy something like a computer or textbooks, we'd love to hear how we are making a difference). I wish you the best.

  23. Yes, set it up! We know that you are not asking for charity. Keeping you in my prayers.

  24. Awesome! And just in time for payday at the end of the week! You are very good with computer code.

    Have you investigated the adsense thing? I'm not up on that (even though I coded and mod a fairly large fan site). I just think any stream of revenue can help you build a nest egg and might be worth considering.

    Good job!

  25. The code was easy- paypal does it for you and you copy and paste it. I wish I could take credit for being a computer genius but no such luck, Cynthia.

    I've looked at the adsense idea but it seems to be aimed at bigger bloggers. It's a good idea.

    This still feels strange (having a tip jar).

  26. Ruth - the only reason people will donate is because we truly do care for you and about you. It may seem strange to form such relationships over an internet blog, but the world has changed in the past 10 years and online friends can truly make a difference to someone's life :)

  27. Tip jar is a wonderful idea and I am glad you've decided to go with it. Oh, here's another extra earning thought to add to the ones above. Google "earnontheside" blog--I know they give a good rundown of legit pay-to-take survey sites and other such things that can add a bit of spare change here and there. That site is where I first learned about Swagbucks.

  28. Your blog keeps getting better and better! Your older articles are not as good as newer ones you have a lot more creativity and originality now keep it up!


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