Wednesday, January 27, 2010

The List

No good, very bad day list. I sometimes borrow a friends car to make errands that will take more pedaling than my legs can manage. When I was out driving my friends car, something broke (something that was expected with upcoming maintenance). It cemented how much of a prisonish environment I live in. While trying to beocme indendependent, I'm reminded of all the ways we have to BE DEPENDENT TO live.

I also found out that I'll be in the hospital for minor surgery next Friday. Could be a day, could be two. Then as if that weren't enough to cause me to panic, my dad called and lectured me about accepting money form the tip jar.


  1. Think of it as interdependent rather than dependent -- it's not such a bad thing to be. The people who care about us WANT to help us, just as we want to help them.

    As for your dad -- wow, he's still trying to control you. Ignore him. The fact that you're in charge of your own life now is driving him crazy. Too bad for him.

    I hope everything turns out well with your surgery. Stay strong. You are an inspiration to many people.


  2. The thing about very bad, horrible, no good days is that they give us something to measure the wonderful, lovely, perfect days against. It's all cyclical and it always gets better. I hope tomorrow is a much better day for you, Ruth! It must be, because it's unlikely that so much ick will happen two days in a row.

    Regardless of how strong you are, I'm sure it's still tough when your dad calls to lecture you. He is so incredibly threatened by this blog, because it exposes him and emphasizes his failure. Namely, control of you. You can't control him, but you can control your reactions to him. Up to, and including, simply not listening by not answering the phone when he calls or hanging up when he does.

    I'll keep you in my prayers, that all is well with you and your surgery. This too shall pass. Take care! You're an amazing inspiration and deserve all the happiness in the world!


  3. Seriously, Ruth's Dad? Get a life. Your daughter is grown. If I was you, I'd be ashamed of myself that my daughter was getting help from Internet strangers instead of HER FAMILY. Don't like the tip jar? How about being supportive of your kid? If not, don't complain that the rest of us would like to help her out.

  4. The tip jar rocks. You are doing great. You are an adult and able make your own decisions. Daddy needs to back off and accept it. Good luck with your surgery. Hope all goes well.

  5. Ruth,
    With cars it's always something...don't be hard on yourself.

    Hydrate yourself well the day before surgery up until you aren't allowed to eat or drink. You will do better. Wish you well.

    Ruth's Dad,
    I Tim. 5:8

  6. The tip jar is a brilliant idea, and is a perfectly acceptable way of earning money from your site. And if your father has a problem with it, then he certainly has the freedom to stop reading the blog. Got that, Ruth's Father? "Freedom." You know, the thing you don't want your daughter to have.

    Wishing you a speedy recovery from your surgery.


  7. I'm only half way through the archives in your blog, but I had to stop and say how very impressed I am with your strength, intelligence, and sanity (to name only a few) after enduring what you have since birth. May you continue to heal and find peace. Please know there are many "strangers" like me rooting you on. A speedy recovery to you also.

  8. Interdependent, Anonymous is so right. We can't get through this life alone; we need others to support us when we are down just as we support them when they are down.

    Ruth's father: Proverbs 22:6

  9. Geez, your dad is a piece of work. He just can't stand that you're moving farther away from his control every day, can he? I love the bible verse posted by anonymous above! So fitting!

    No matter what he said/says, the reason he doesn't want you to have a "tip jar" is because it means you're doing fine on your own, and you'll likely never return to be under his control again (at least I hope not!).

    I wish you well for your surgery. When I had my tonsils out (I was 11), it hurt about the same as when they were at their worst when they were still in. I've always said if they ever grew back, I'd rip them out myself. Good riddance!

  10. I wish you a speedy recovery Ruth!

  11. Ruth,

    I think you realize that your father is attempting to exert control that he no longer has over you. You have a very good head on your shoulders. Go with your instincts and you'll land on your feet.

    Ruth's Dad,

    There's a line in a movie you've never seen that declares "you people don't celebrate your faith, you mourn it". And that's what we see every time you post. There is no joy in your life or you'd be celebrating what you have instead of being a control freak.

    Maybe you should read your bible a bit (per the quotes listed above) rather than beat it so much. Even the Amish let their young go out into the world and test the waters. But your group realizes that once the females see there is a place in the world where they are more than chattel, they'll run.

    You should worry about the litter of kids you have at home. Ruth will be just fine.

  12. Tell your dad that just because he was griping about it, I donated some money to your tip jar. Do whatever makes you happy- he's done with being able to stop you.

  13. Agreed with Ozma. I put a bit into your tip jar because you deserve it. You deserve it because you are a writer, and you are telling a story and sharing it with the public. I am a writer too; we deserve to be paid for our work. I think that you are going to have a happy, successful life, Ruth. Of course there are difficulties and challenges, as there are for everyone. But you have the intelligence and spirit to succeed. Keep writing!

    --kiki (whitesox [at]

  14. First off, love the bible verse reference. Absolutely hilarious! And the Tip Jar? I'm a fan. =)

    Ruth's Dad,
    Get over yourself, and fast. Just because you won't lift a finger to help your child doesn't mean the rest of us don't want to help. In fact, it wouldn't surprise me if your complaining has spurred more people to put money in the tip jar who might not have before.

    Ruth, this is yet another example of the complete lack of trust your father has in you, and it completely illustrates his control issues. I hate to say it, but I don't think he'll ever accept the fact that you, and not him, are master of your fate. Keep on rocking the tip jar. =)

  15. Ruth, I remember so well two incidents with my father that make me feel so much for you in those confrontations. One was shortly after I was distancing myself from my family after going to (Christian) college as they got into Gothard. He came to see me and in the discussion lost his temper and I actually asked him to leave!! Then I sat there shaking like a leaf and in complete shock that I had actually done it.

    And then 6 years later as an independent, working adult gingerly reuniting with my family, something triggered another lecture about my "status here" and in a moment I was reduced to a trembling child once again.

    I know what it feels like when your father might as well be the voice of God Himself. I hope you can keep your strength in the position you are in, the early stages of making your own life. And that's why I am moved to help you too. I have been there and I have come so very far and been very blessed and it would make me very happy to pay it forward.

    p.s. My relationship with my father was the last to heal, but it did, tremendously, as he learned and mellowed over the next 10 years of reunion, and as the rest of the children grew up and had their own stories.

  16. Anonymous 2's comment reminded me of one of my favorite childhood books: Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day by Judith Viorst. You should read it at the library or a bookstore sometime if you want a smile.

    And I think the tip jar is a great idea. :-)

  17. Ruth, please don't take your father's words to heart. I think the Tip Jar is a terrific idea and I was honored to be able to contribute to the wellbeing and success of such a strong and kind individual such as yourself. I couldn't send much right now but I hope you keep the tip jar so I can contribute whenever I can. I don't actually know you but I am really pulling for you and I want to help, even when that help is small. Don't let his words affect you - though I know from experience from an overbearing father that it may be difficult to do. Just know that all of us are on your side. Stay strong, be proud of yourself and never submit to someone else's idea of who you should be or what you should do. You're doing great!

  18. Ruth,I have a question and I apologize if you've answered this in the past, but have you tried to apply for food stamp assistance? The reason I ask is because my daughter has a friend who is in college full time on a grant and has no family support at all. He qualifies for a monthly food stipend through social services. It's not alot, but it helps. I know some may eschew being "on the dole", but when you don't have much, every little bit counts. Plus food assistance programs are designed to help and I know when my husband and I had our daughter we needed help for some months and were happy to qualify for it. Anyway, just a suggestion, now I'm off to leave a tip:)

  19. Ruth, dear...hugss......I know what it is like to have a seriously controlling parent. It is perfectly okay to either not accept phone calls from said parent or state your boundaries and end the call when controlling parent refuses to respect your boundaries.

    and Ruth's dad: It must be eating your alive that your daughter now has some power and leverage in her relationship with you. You must never forget that she has kindly refused to identify you enough so we can figure out where you are in the ATI organization....I've read some of the stuff over on the ATI websites. She could let the world know exactly who you are and you should never forget that. Further more, I hope you weren't the moronic male who compared find a suitable mate for his daughters to purchasing an automatic law sprinkler system...I mean really???

  20. That should be finding a suitable mate for his daughter to purchasing an automatick lawn sprinkler system...I mean really?????

  21. Your father is spiteful.

    A true loving parent is concerned first and foremost with their child's wellbeing. "Are you safe?", "Are you well?"

    He should be ashamed that strangers (and friends) are picking up where he's dropped the ball.


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