The Ambivalent Egoist asked, in a previous post, if I would continue to "support" NLQ. What she is referring to, for those who didn't know, is the latest FJ/NLQ forum wars and the family issues between Angel and Vyckie (moderator at NLQ). I wrote an entire post on FJ addressing the issue and my position on it. However, I would like to summarize something here, because there seems to be some confusion amongst people who have been e-mailing me privately. Misconception number one - I owe all of my blog traffic to Vyckie and therefore have some sort of obligation to her. This is not true. I owe *some* of my blog traffic to Vyckie. Mostly, however, my blog has traffic has increased by word of mouth and a few other means. I don't promote my blog, really. If anything, and this is no slight on Vyckie or NLQ, NLQ takes traffic from my blog because my stories are reposted there - no one has to come here to read them. I'm fine with this. I don't really care about the numbers. The thought that I "owe" Vyckie suggests that she's done something for me that wouldn't have happened without NLQ or Vyckie herself. This gets tricky. In some respects, NLQ has meant a lot to me because it's a gathering place for people who have lived in this system and decided not to continue. It's been great having Vyckie to turn to when I had questions about why my mom might have made the choices she did. However, and I have said this to Vyckie, given the accusation that she suggested Princess Jo start a "doubters thread" about me on QF - I have also had my feelings hurt. Because, whether she did or didn't do that, it makes me feel manipulated. Either a woman I trusted enough to disclose my identity to, after the fact, started the stressor that resulted in me giving up information I wasn't totally comfortable giving - OR- I am now being put in the position I was in most of my life ("Who can I trust?", "Am I trusting the RIGHT person?", "Is there anyone trustworthy out there?") by someone (Princess Jo) who has walked this road, too, and knows what an issue trust is. Neither of those is good.
I will never understand why grown women, with similar backgrounds and heartaches, put each other in such positions.
Misconception number 2: I have had a falling out with NLQ.
Not true. NLQ is an organization of women. Can you have a falling out with a support group? I haven't even had a "falling out" with Vyckie. Which brings me to the next misconception...
Misconception number 3: I have to chose a side in the Angel/Vyckie debate because chosing Vyckie means choosing to side with the Empire (darth daddy, star wars referrence intended).
I don't have to choose. None of us is perfect in family relationships. This problem that Vyckie and Angel are having is, really, none of our business. That either party put this stuff on the net and therefore opened themselves up to our opinions is up for debate. Vyckie claims Angel okayed every post made. Angel claims that's not true and she's hurt by her mom's lack of concern for her privacy (allegedly - I haven't spoken to Angel). The truth is likely somewhere in the middle. For that reason - I'll say - STOP E-MAILING ME ABOUT ANGEL AND/OR VYCKIE as it relates to this argument. I have nothing to do with it and, frankly, think it's ridiculous that people expect me to choose a side. I'm not choosing. It's none of my business beyond the point that it effects me. Unless you're Angel or Vyckie - it's not really your business. After this, I won't speak of it.
Other accusations are that I'm being played by Vyckie or have been played by Vyckie - to boost her site hits. I don't care about the site hits and the rest would be something between Vyckie and I. Thank you for the concern. "You're so f-ing niave, Ruth! You and the other quiverers chose your lifestyle and now you bitch about how pathetic your lives are. Grow up, whiners!" I didn't choose anything except leaving as soon as I could. As for the others on NLQ who "chose" QF for themselves and their families - I wonder if you'd be so harsh on mothers who chose the Catholic faith for their families and then learned that their chidlren were molested? Is it the mother's fault? Do you go to those communities and call them pathetic? I understand the anger towards the adults who choose this lifestyle - I struggle with it often. Still, the truth is that every situation is/was different and a person's motives are often complicated.
This site is my site. My story. Read if you want. Believe if you want. I'm not the end-all-be-all voice of QF/ATI/patriarchy. What is it they say on other websites and forums? YMMV? Have a nice day.
*Note - This post shouldn't be perceived as an attack on Ambiv. Egoist. I welcome all questions, criticisms, and support. I just want the e-mails about this situation to stop. Thank you.