I have a night off. YAY!
I don't really have a post in mind of this, but there are some back questions to be asked. Sometimes, I feel like, between this blog or Freejinger, or just having discussions with people via email, that I've already answered a question. Then, a reader will point out that I haven't and I feel like I need to respond.
I guess, some of this will be like an extended cut of "what happened" after my last series entry in "how I left".
Basically, the day I walked out of that courtroom, I walked out with what woud become my adopted temporary family. As always, protecting the privacy of everyone involved is important because, as I've said before, I want other people in ATI (and there were a few families and growing, in the area, at last check) community to be able to run where I did without fear. I want to keep that door open for my sisters or for others who had heard about my leaving.
I basically lived with another family until I got my bearings under me. And, since I was such a newb to life "on the outside", it took me a long time to learn things most people take for granted. Being out alone was truly a scary prospect for me. From birth to that point, I hadn't been allowed alone in my room, let alone out in a store or in a mall or elsewhere. Add, to that base fear, the fear that my parents would go rogue and sweep me away to a retraining camp or park me with another ATI family for re-indoctrination and I couldn't go to the supermarket without panic. Taking off the style of clothes I'd worn for so long took a long, and slow, adjustment period. Luckily, my temporary family let me lead the way and they never forced me to make a stand. I wore dresses for a while because they were comfortable and I still had a belief that God wanted women to wear dresses. The one thing I did, immediately, was stop playing music and I started listening to outside music. Nothing really exciting to most, but...well, for example, one of the first movies I saw had the song "The Way You Look Tonight" played at a fox trot and I thought, "wow! How innovative!" Then, I listened to some country music and that was my gateway to pop music.
Have I ever considered moving to Nebraska? Well, maybe. I mean, the obstacle now is that I barely make enough to function. Being able to up and move to ANYWHERE seems impossible. My degree is useless, probably more useless in Wyoming or whereever the oil boom is. If I can't make it here, where prices are lower than most places, how can I move?
I think, in order to move forward, I really need to deal with my emotional problems and get that depression under control. Then, just get a stable base- small apartment or another trailer to operate from. I'm working on it. :)
Sunday, February 17, 2013
Mary, I've been addicted to your story since someone pointed me to it ten days ago. I think I'm caught up. I have a question or two if you don't mind. I was a Gothard kid, too. Homeschooled and ATIed. Were you the xxxxxxxxxxx family that used to live in NW Arkansas? We may have stayed with you once. Were you gone by 1995 because I remember you if you are that family? You were maybe 11 or 12? What happened to your rabbit?" Brandywine Yes. That was us. I remember your first name. Glad to see you got out of that too. You should go over to freejinger and tell your story. If YOU are who I think you are, your story is better. You're living a great life from what I hear. :) The rabbit was eaten. How are you living now? I have an extra five dollars I can donate this month. Need it?- Jack> I'm still hanging by a thread. I've been hiking in my free time because it's cheap and it gets me some exercise which seems to help cure the demons. Been contemplating a walk on the Pacific Trail this year. That takes some capitol and I would have to quit work for a few months, though. It would solve my residency issues though. :) I live in my car most nights, other nights I stay with a friend and she lets me do laundry and use the shower. If it's cold, then she'll insist I stay with her. I really just want to get my own apartment. Trying to make that happen by saving up money. It would take a little to do the down payment and then stock the apartment with necessities. Some day, I'll figure it out. Until then, I'm just thankful I don't have children to deal with. Thank you, to the person(s) who suggested calling the maker of my medication- they are going to pay for six months worth of my antidepressant. Yay! Heard from the family and Rachel is pregnant. Interestingly, I see Ellie almost once a week and none of us can believe Rachel got pregnant so fast. I wonder how she'll do with this baby? Ellie is growing so fast. She's just the best. Rachel did the right thing. My dad is very sick, from what I hear. There was a prayer chain for him last week and, from the grapevine, it seems like he may not be long for this world. I worry for my mom and my little sisters. How will they keep going? How will they find a place in the world?