Monday, June 21, 2010

June 8th Comment

One thing I'm not very good at is keeping up with the comments on this blog. There are times when I wonder if I should get someone to help me moderate comments and close the comments to registered users. I don't want to go this route because I think that it can generate other problems. When bloggers close the comments to approved comments only, it seems to slow down the flow of discussion between other people. This blog is here for a few reasons, one of which is to allow people an open discussion of ATI, QF, Patriarchy and sub-subjects relating to these, without having a net-nanny supervising. Another problem with moderating comments is what seems to be the backlash where people accuse the moderator(s) of picking and choosing. I don't want that to happen here. Last of all - I'm horrible at keeping up with the comments that roll in on this page. I'll be honest - there are times when I don't check my e-mail for days or weeks. Especially with the nanny job I have now and school - I don't think I should be online when I'm on the clock and when I'm not on the clock, I'm prepping for school by pre-reading some of my texts.

It happens, then, that occasionally I miss things that happen in comments.

On June 8th, someone left these comments on this post.

Anonymous has left a new comment on your post "19 Kids and Counting...":

Well I know that I'm not the only person who loves this family very much. I think it is their decision and their right to have as many kids as they want to. In fact,if they do decide to have more children then so be it. What right does anyone have to say that they should stop having children if that's what they want to do? Besides,the other children are always VERY happy when Michelle says "I'm pregnant"!! SO MAYBE YOU ALL SHOULD JUST MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS AND STOP SAYING NEGATIVE THINGS ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE!!!!!!None of you would appreciate being talked about either so please just stop it. I mean come on people.

A few minutes later,
I posted the "everyone mind your own business",and I forgot to say that Ruth is begging for money and doesn't have a TV show or 19 kids so why in the world would I give her any money? Are you going to give me some Ruth?!!
No I didn't think so.....get a job and stop begging bitch!!!!

I would have greater respect for people who signed in to leave these comments. I know there are people who dislike my candor with this blog or people who doubt my story. With the recent rash of sick people who start fake blogs to capitalize on bad situations, I understand doubting sorts who question every new blog. I'm not talking to those people. I'm talking to the person who left these comments on my blog - if you really want me to take you seriously, why are you remaining anonymous? What harm could I cause you and if you are so sure I'm wrong or scamming people, why won't you make your identity known? I've been very clear about my reasons for using caution with my identity. What is your reason? If you're right, you'll be a hero for standing up to me.

@Anonymous- if you love the Duggars, that is your choice. I don't have a problem with that. You must not have read my blog very carefully, if you read it at all (beyond that post) becuase you would see that I haven't been harsh about the Duggars. When I question something they do, I explain myself and try to remain as objective as I can. It may come as a surprise to you when I say that I don't hate them. I think they do some things "right". Just like you don't like everything I say or condone my way of life, I take issue with aspects of their life. You don't have to like it. I don't promote my blog on "anti-Duggar" sites and I don't go out of my way to "talk about them". If there's something that they do that relates to my life and experience, I refer to them the same way a pro-QF family would use their exploits to highlight their similarities. I read a blog where a woman wrote a blog post about the Duggars because they use the same Maxwell program (Masters of their Chores). Are you saying it's okay to talk about the Duggars as long as you agree with their choices? The Duggars have made themselves representatives of this lifestyle. Like it or not, bloggers will relate to them positively AND negatively. That doesn't give you the right to police the internet and defend them blindly.

I think it is their decision and their right to have as many kids as they want to. In fact,if they do decide to have more children then so be it.
It is their decision, obviously. You are right. If they decide to have more children, there is nothing I can do to stop them. I wouldn't try to stop them. I am allowed to express my opinion, like you have here, that what Michelle is doing has consequences and while it is their decision to make, we can discuss those consequences and express our displeasure with their choice. You should recognize the gesture since you decided to express your displeasure with my choice to blog about them.

What right does anyone have to say that they should stop having children if that's what they want to do?

We have every right to say that they shouldn't have more children. What we don't have a right to do is to stop them, through physical or legal means, from having more children. You're confusing the right to disagree with the right to prevent.
Besides,the other children are always VERY happy when Michelle says "I'm pregnant"!!
I have a few things to say about this.
Number one, unless you know these children personally and have probed their emotions and brains for evidence beyond what is televised, you are operating as an armchair quarterback, much as we are. If you don't know them, then you are just as unqualified to speak to their happiness as we are to speak to their unhappiness.
Number two, I have never said they are unhappy with their family's growth. Doing so would mean speaking for them and I won't do that (as you're doing). As a child, I too was excited about my mom having more children. I also know that I didn't have the opportunity to express displeasure with every announcement and I think that may be the case with the Duggar children. What other option would they have? Let's say that Jinger was unhappy with the news. What would she be able to do and would the production company really show the footage of her bad reaction? They, the production company, are selling a brand - a happy, mega family brand.
Are you blind to the irony of your statement? You're doing just that.
Maybe you should not read this blog or the blogs of others who find reason to questio the Duggars choices if it offends you so deeply. Maybe you should take your own advice.
None of you would appreciate being talked about either so please just stop it. I mean come on people.
I assume you're saying that none of us would like being talked about in a negative sense. You don't seem to have a problem talking about the Duggars or reading pro-Duggar sites. Isn't that "talking about" the Duggars? What I think you're saying is that none of us would appreciate being criticized and that's true to a certain extent. If the Duggars didn't want to be talked about, they shouldn't have okayed a tv show. What I know is that the Duggars relish discussion about them because they've been very upfront about their purpose - to encourage people to look at their lifestyle and ask if it's a lifestyle for them to adopt. The Duggars are using the show to promote QF (they admit this). Most reasonable people know that promoting something on television will promote discussion and that that discussion might include debate or criticism.
I know that my blog will also encourage discussion about ATI. I also realize that it may make some people question my veracity or question my experiences. That's the chance I take. Clearly, I've allowed you to voice your criticism of this blog.
You're talking about me and go on to say nasty things about me while simultaneously tellin other people to stop doing exactly what you're doing.

I posted the "everyone mind your own business",and I forgot to say that Ruth is begging for money and doesn't have a TV show or 19 kids so why in the world would I give her any money?
I am not begging for money. Put your "money where your mouth is" and point out where I have begged for money! If you're going to make such accusations, back them up. I have never asked you or anyone to contribute to my finances. You are lying. You are correct - I don't have a show. That would contradict my desire for privacy in certain aspects of my life. The Duggars don't have paypal links on their website, true. But can you honestly say that they're not financially benefitting from selling their family for their story? Why is it more respectable, in your opinoin, to gain financially (especially when you claim to not need the money as you're financially free)from telling a life story on television than it is to give readers an OPTION TO DONATE MONEY from a written life story?

Are you going to give me some Ruth?!!
No I didn't think so.....get a job and stop begging bitch!!!!

If you have a need, it would be my duty (given my personal morals and ethics) to help you. Just send me your e-mail address and I will paypal you whatever I can to help you.
I have a job. I'm not begging. Please, I say in all sincerity, post your address or e-mail me so I can help you if you need it.


  1. Good for you, Ruth. :)

  2. Interesting that such a self-righteous person sings the praises of the Duggars, yet has to resort to profanity because, as Ruth has proven, the person in question doesn't have a real argument. She (or he, could be a DarthDaddy special, written from a different POV to confuse) appears to crave attention as much as the Duggars, who VOLUNTARILY put their lives on TV, and in doing so are open to praise or criticize.

    That I find them to be hypocritical morons doesn't mean I disrespect the "May God bless them" posts. And can someone tell me what's up with the "May" and "I pray" bits? Does it make them think they're more pious? Because I laugh when I read that stilted language being spoken by people who are generally not very well educated. And if you're educated and use this verbiage, can you tell me why it's used? Maybe our little hypocrite can respond and call me a bitch as well. Bring it on!

  3. Wow... How did I miss these comments? Ruth, I admire you NOT censoring the comments. People like this poster just prove the point that there are some people incapable of accepting dissent and discussion. These are probably the same people who raise children to be obedient to the point of having no personality. My best friend once comment that I'm confident because my family always encouraged me to be outspoken and that I've never feared rejection based on having an opinion. So, I say let them post away.

    Anyone cloaking themselves in religiosity and calling you a bitch just proves what a horrible person they are. And that kind of underscores the point of your blog. These people have an agenda and are out to silence and discredit you. Let the sun shine on their ugliness.

    Second, if you have to pick between being a bitch or the opposite of a bitch, which in my opinion is a doormat or some one who is easily run over, always pick being a bitch. There's nothing wrong with a strong woman with an opinion, especially one who tolerates all other opinions. The poster is obviously someone who fears independent women.

    I don't know who is encouraging these posters, but it really does their cause a disservice. The horribly worded, uneducated posts....the nastiness....the name calling all bespeak of desperation.

    Live your life and be happy. It's the best revenge. And if someone is considering this lifestyle and reads their posts, then so be it. Living free and well is the best revenge.

  4. Right on, Ruth!

  5. Ruth,

    I hope that you don't let posters like this anon bother you. There are always going out there who are going to criticize you, especially when you're taking the less-than-easy path. I agree with Cynthia, too. Here in America, strong independent women are often labeled "bitch" for having an opinion and sticking to their guns. Trust yourself, and don't let someone dissuade you from your ideas. Better a bitch than a doormat.

    Good for you for the thoughtful rebuttal, and I think you've made the right call in not censoring comments.

  6. Wholeheartedly agree with the above commenters. "Bitch" is what people call a woman when they are trying to shut her up and failing. People think it's the ultimate loaded weapon, especially to pull out against someone raised in a home where profanity was never used. But it says more about the speaker than the intended recipient and it was certainly revealing in this case!

  7. Hi Ruth:

    You can’t let one person or several people get to you. It IS the internet where people can be jerks in the privacy and anonymity of their own home. Don’t let it get to you - seriously. I have no clue where this “19 and Counting” Board is, but who cares. We still have freedom of speech in this country.

    As far as the Duggars are concerned, they can go fly a kite. I’m a mom of 7, with kids age 26 to age 8. I know how much work it takes for us to run our household here, it is almost three times as much with the Duggars. It’s too bad that we didn’t have girls on the front-end, girls that we could have had as indentured servants as the Duggars do. I wouldn’t have done that anyways, but still. I never heard of this “buddy system” B.S. until the Duggars. I actually spent a few hours early Sunday morning watching YT videos on the Duggars in order to make sure that I wasn’t wrong about them. No, I wasn’t. Michelle Duggar said loud and clear that she is the new baby’s “buddy” until the baby is weaned and then it becomes the older children’s buddy. What the heck! She is NOT the new baby’s “buddy”, she is their MOTHER!!! And yeah, I'm sure the kids are just thrilled to take care of yet another buddy. Were you thrilled to take care of another buddy and watch your mother go through another yet difficult pregnancy? These kids no nothing else other than what they've been exposed to their whole life and even if they had "thoughts", they would never dare express them because they always have to live "J.O.Y." We all know this is true; any person with common sense knows this. We all know that everything associated with ATI is a load of B.S. - that it is all one big smokescreen/cover-up, it's some sort of Bizarro World.

    Are these Duggar supporteres insane? Do they even have children themselves or are they living vicariously through the Duggars? Or maybe they are ATI devotees who figure that they have to stick together like birds of a feather so that the world doesn’t see their craziness. Some of these Duggar supporters are very venemous pieces of work.

    Don’t you love the word “b*tch” used on one of the replies? Yeah, this comes from good ole’ “Christian folk” don’t ya know. The rest of the world is evil and bad, but these bastions of Christianity who hold themselves up as paragons of virtue have filthy mouths and filthy tongues. So, again, to you Duggar nuts: go fly a kite. I’d actually like to tell you what you can do, but I will keep my post clean.

    Thirdly, about the money again - seriously. Ruth, like I said, you cannot pay attention to people who want to bring you down. Ignore them. I also don’t know why anyone needs to e-mail you personally. I wouldn’t take personal e-mails; I would check my blog once in a while and that’s it. You are under NO obligation or contract that you need to fulfill. You don’t get paid to be “Dear Abby” to a bunch of strangers. Maybe your ATI upbringing is calling you to be a “good girl.” My recommendation is to keep your internet presence on a professional, laissez-faire level and never let your guard down. There are too many weirdos - from your father, to the other “good Christians” in the ATI camp, to just plain trolls. Actually, the comments from “Anonymous” are hilarious. What a loser(s). Don’t even give it a second thought.

  8. Sorry about my spelling; I am typing on a laptop that has a curser that is jumping all over the place.

  9. Wow, Ruth, you are one classy lady! :)

  10. Absolute agreement with MammaHenErin! Hang in there, Ruth, you are doing just fine.


  11. Good for you Ruth! Keep your head up sweetheart! Others are only jealous they dont have your happiness!

  12. Your response to that Troll was brilliant. When I think about the hardships and repression you've endured, I'm amazed that you can stand up for yourself with such eloquence and poise. This entry makes it clear that you're emerging from your past as a very strong and confident woman.

  13. Ruth,

    I am a Christian from the UK and have been reading your remarkable and courageous blog for some time now.

    Your public reply to one of your cowardly anonymous trolls is awesome. :) I admire your poise and maturity.

    However, I feel compelled to say this: do NOT get into private email correspondence with anyone who abuses you by calling you a "bitch" on your own blog. Do not engage with a person like this. Do not offer to help them financially. You owe them NOTHING.

    I admire your courage in not moderating your comments. This policy does, of course, expose the anonymous internet trolls for what they are: cowardly trolls.

    But please take care. There may come the time when you want to moderate your blog and exercise greater control over who can comment here. This will prevent commentators from derailing threads and going off on rabbit trails, as well as screening out the anonymous cowards.

    Up to you, of course. But I feel that you are still very vulnerable. I also think you are very strong (these two qualities are not mutually exclusive!)

    I think you are a very brave young woman and I wish you all the best as you move forward in love and healing. I hope that you will be able to realise how great God's love and grace is. Loveless fundamentalists do not speak for Him. I hope you will be able to find a supportive Christian community/fellowship who will understand the wounds of your past and help you on the journey you're on.

    With my prayers,


  14. You've definitely got a way with words, m'dear. That was a beautifully presented response to someone who didn't even deserve that level of consideration. I do agree with Philippa that it's probably not wise to get into an email conversation with this individual, but I leave that to your discretion. For someone who was raised in such a sheltered environment, you're succeeding extremely well in dealing with "the world." And I, for one, am enjoying the heck out of watching you continue to grow.

    As for you, Anonymous? You stay klassy.

  15. Anonymous thinks that it's right to give money to people BECAUSE they have a TV show and 19 kids. Sounds very similar to the business model of the circus sideshow.

    Ruth, I hope you weren't too bothered by the comments of someone who's way of thinking is obviously cracked.

    Take care!

  16. Ruth, I just want to add that I agree 100% with the posters who recommend NOT conversing with Anonymous poster or troll(s) in personal e-mails. As much as you think you can talk common sense to them, I can guarantee that that is an exercise in futility. Trust me, I know. I've tried; it doesn't work. All you will end up doing is being miserable. The only person you have any control over is yourself.

    One of these days, some of these people will grow up, wake up, or whatever it takes - and they will see the light. If they don't, there is nothing you can do about it. You can only save yourself.

    The Anonymous comments are beyond ridiculous. They are obviously from someone who is entrenched in the same model that the Duggars are entrenched in or they are looking to get involved in it because it looks good. A lot of things look good on the outside until one gets involved in the smack dab middle of things and then it might be too late to realize that it is all a pile of poo.

    The best thing to do (IMO) is stay away from these people and don't even give them the satisfaction of your response. I don't see any good coming out of it whatsoever. The only person who will come out on the losing end is you, and that is not fair. I know that you are a trusting soul, but I am here to tell you that you must temper that, especially as it pertains to the internet as it could be ANYONE behind the computer typing anything. Just take care of yourself and enjoy the summer. :)

  17. To the person that was upset (rude and mean) about you having a paypal link, I would like to respond as someone who has sent you money via the paypal link. The reason I sent you money was because I like reading your blog and learning more about your life. I spend way too much on books (I read three a week) and between my partner and me we have over 20 magazine subscriptions and read three papers a day. I pay for those things because I respect the fact that the authors are sharing a talent and part of themselves. I understand that writing is work, and as such, I want to honor the person that using their talents to either entertain or inform & educate me. The money I have sent to Ruth was not because I feel bad for her, or that she needs it--those thoughts never entered my mind. I sent money because she is taking time to inform and educate me and I find it no different then reading something in the NYT or my hometown papers or Vanity Fair. Thank you Ruth. NDC

  18. Ruth, I have to agree with the other posters about not corresponding privately with Anonymous or other trolls. I think it would be a drain on you and a waste of your time. By all means, it is your call but such conversations remind me of a sign that used to hang in our shop: "When you're up to your [rear} in alligators, it's difficult to remember that your objective was to drain the swamp".


    Jim K.

  19. Another former ATI daughter here. My entire family left ATI over a decade ago and we still get asked about the Duggars. The anonymous poster who seems to want to make Ruth feel guilt about talking about them needs to be aware that we don't go around LOOKING for opportunities to gossip, we simply try to answer honestly without being mean or condescending.

    Ruth is relating what she knows from personal experience and how she determined it wasn't what she wanted for her life because a lot of people ASKED her to. The Duggars are free to do what they like AS IS Ruth to do what she likes with her life.

    Ruth, kudos to you for your kindness and good sense. You owe no one anything; sometimes when you're running for freedom you can't stop and help everyone who's still stuck. You just gotta keep going.

    You've got my support and prayers. Keep going forward!


  20. Don't correspond with the troll! Otherwise ROWR! Take that "bitch" label and own it, girl! Don't let anyone get you down.

  21. Umm, it's a bit hypocritical to complain about Ruth taking donations, when the Duggars used to accept donations through their website in addition to getting the nice TLC money. They might still even accept donations but I won't go to their website to look.

    And I remember a few episodes where the older kids didn't seem thrilled about a new pregnancy. They said they were happy about it, but the looks on their faces disagreed. And it's not like they're ever allowed to have different thoughts than their parents anyway.

  22. Ruth,
    You have many more supportive readersthan you do rude ones. I wouldn't be surprised if your Anonymous friend never responds to this; so often, bullies are truly cowards at the core.

    You, on the other hand, are courageous, strong, and confident. It isn't always easy living your truth, but I guarantee it's a lot easier than living a lie.

    With respect,

  23. I enjoy reading about your life experiences and growth. I particularly enjoy when you are so eloquent with your words to put someone in there place. It truly shows the type of person you are when you politely and maturely discredit a troll.

    You inspire me, Ruth. I have not lead the life of a QF or ATI, but I have nonetheless decided that my life needs to be shared, too. I, like you, wish for people to read and know that they are not alone and you can climb out of darkness. Keep your chin up and enjoy the new life you are making for yourself.

    If you have any extra time, I would love for you to pop by my blog. I extend the same invitation to everyone else, as well. The more the merrier, as they say, lol!

    God Bless you, Ruth!

  24. That was an amazing response to a very negative situation, Ruth! It was infinitely more mature and collected then the Anon. poster and demonstrated the way civilized people should handle themselves when faced with a differing opinion.

    I'm so happy things are going well for you and that you like your new position. The family sounds very nice and I hope they're treating you well.

    Take care & enjoy yourself this Summer!


  25. Sounds like some of the same folks who left me such comments as "I weep for your children" when I last wrote about the Duggars!

  26. Well said, Ruth. I very much enjoy reading your blog!

  27. Okay Ruth, I know everyone else has said this, but my "Momma Bear" is coming here is my 2 cents.
    Please, darling, don't correspond w/ people like that poster. Don't give him/her any info. or email them at all. If they need money or support there are all kinds of support services in every community. I work in one. Say a prayer for this person (as I and many others will too) and then move on.
    Okay honey, that's it :)! Enjoy your summer and the new job.

  28. Your a hipocrite to. You said ' if you really want me to take you seriously, why are you staying anonymous? '
    want people to take you seriously and you wont even give people a name to put to you. I googled things you say especially about your mom's helper (Kay Hill) back in the day and ii know who your family is. I bet you are a Boring, Rogers, or Cabbot kid. I'll even prove I am onto you because I know your parents might have moved since you were living with them in Arkansas. You are a Duggar opportunist Bitch who lies. What if I did know the Duggars bitch what are you going to do if I say I know the Duggars
    Is it hot in Califonra!

  29. Hey anon troll 2:47: grow a pair and learn to spell. Way to represent Gothard and your cult, yet you're so obsessed that you have to "google things?" What is wrong with you?

    Don't answer that. Instead, hie thee to a pshychiatrist's office so he or she can adjust your meds.

  30. i am so very confused by this poor demented anon who seems to be sad someone is attacking duggars/ati etc all the while saying 'bitch' a whole heap! um. what???

    on the other hand those crazies from the westboro have the most disgusting and offensive language i've ever heard, so it could be that.

    ruth, ignore. take heart. keep going onward and upward.


  31. Hopefully the anon that wrote that is having a better day today. I also hope that they learn more appropriate methods of taking out frustration.

    Very well put response, I liked how civil it was :)

  32. Please, Anonymous, you are "scaring me straight" if you are the future of America as it pertains to "the school of the dining room table." I won't even comment on your facts, but what I can comment on is your spelling. PLEASE, even if English was your second language, you should be spelling better than you do. I don't want to attack you, but come on!

    And how is Ruth a "Duggar opportunist"? Wouldn't she have to be making money off of the Duggars in order to be that? If anyone is a "Duggar opportunist", it's TLC and then the Duggars themselves who routinely pimp out their entire family to the public and then do sales and marketing for Bill Gothard and ATI. Talk about "opportunists." I came to this conclusion alone; I don't need Ruth to tell me this, so don't blame Ruth. If Ruth has said anything remotely close to this, it's because she states the obvious. Anyone in their right mind who has not been brainwashed can see that the Duggars are a brand and they are the sales people for Gothard and ATI.

  33. Anon 2:47 -

    I'm assuming from your poorly-written post that both your reading and writing skills are lacking. Sad.

    You seem to have missed where people denounced vulgarities. You've missed where it's been said that name calling is the resort of the desperate. Obviously, as you have nothing intelligent to say, you are desperate to hurl something at Ruth that you think will hurt her. Unfortunately you've missed the fact that many women don't flinch at being called "bitch" anymore. You say "bitch", we say strong, independent woman. Shame you don't like that.

    If you are in the same circle as the Duggars, how sad your family must be. You dishonor them with your insults, your words, your lack of education. If I were your mother, I would be ashamed of you. You do nothing but prove to the world that the school of the dining room table doesn't work, and that that brand of "Christianity" has nothing to do with the actual teachings in the Bible.

    Ruth, you're intelligent. You no doubt know that Anon here is flailing, grasping at straws, trying to say something that will hurt you. Don't let the cretin.

  34. @Anonymous from this afternoon -
    If you knew who I was, you'd have posted my name from the beginning. As someone else pointed out - you're grasping at straws. It doesn't take much to find out who Kay Hill was and what she meant in the IBLP family. That doesn't mean I'm admitting she was the person who "helped" my mother. It doesn't even matter if she was or she wasn't - the point, of MY story, is that there are people within the organization whose purpose was to take completely overwhelmed women and shepherd them through trying times to promote the cause (growing the organization), as opposed to doing it to promote love or coping skills.

    I hope you find a more reasonable way to deal with the anger you seem to have.

  35. Spiritual/emotional/psychological/physical abuse takes its toll on a personality. I think this anonymous poster has had a boat-load of abuse dumped on her life, and is cracking under the strain of cognitive dissonance.

    Here's the picture: a child needs her parents, needs to be loved. Parents are abusive, yet continually saying that they love the child, they do these things because they love the child, they do these things because God requires it, God loves the child, and the name of love all this abuse/neglect is occurring. It's crazy-making!

    When the reality that this is indeed harming you/has hurt you/is abuse is staring you in the face, now you have a problem: how to reconcile reality with what you have believed to be true about reality.

    For the strong, it is the first step in a journey of healing. For the more devastated and powerless, though, the need to deny reality is a true psychological NEED. If they can't get away (either a real entrapment or perceived entrapment) then they must shut down/shut up/silence/stop the things that are pointing out reality for what it is.

    This posters true anger is at the abuse he/she has/is suffered/suffering. The poster is not really angry at Ruth, she is displacing her anger onto Ruth because dealing with the reality of abuse is too much for he/she to face right now.

    Thank you, Ruth, for being tactful and kind. I hope it proves helpful to Anonymous in his/her eventual recovery.

    ps Don't blame home schooling for the atrocious education some home schooled kids get, unless you are also willing to blame all public schooling for the atrocious education some publicly schooled kids get.

    My daughter is a National Merit Commended Scholar who is at military training right now on her way to becoming an officer in the military upon her graduation from university.

    My son will dual-enroll at community college as a junior in high school this year. He has yet to take his PSAT/SATs but I expect good things. He plans to pursue a career in science/medicine.

    He has lots of friends of all kinds: Jewish, atheist, Catholic, Lutheran, white, black, gay, straight, goth, punk, preppie. The only thing all of his friends have in common is they are straight edge. Most of them are also home schooled, but not all.

    It is religious fanaticism that is destroying the hearts of children, not home schooling per se.

  36. Um, Anon? I'm confused as to whether you're trying to embarrass Ruth or her family... or possibly both. Because her family has been pretty clear about their wish for her to NOT publicize her identity and, subsequently, their own. So if you're posting in defense of Ruth's family and their ATI lifestyle, you're... kinda doing everything Ruth's father hopes Ruth herself won't.

    Oh, and you're doing it REALLY badly, too. It's called an education. Get one.

  37. Yikes Anon. Troll!

    It's hard to take a person seriously who cannot spell or put together a simple sentence

    I guess that home schooling didn't work out for you so well????


  38. Hello m'dears!

    Just sticking my head in for a moment to make a little observation. I know that you want to keep a policy of open discussion, and that you don't want to accidently cross over into censorship, but I think you should seriously reconsider your policy of letting every anonymous comment stand. The problem is this: No moding + the ability to get a strong, passionate response = troll catnip. Seriously, God forbid Anon gets wind of this; with the lack of moding I'm only surprised the trolling hasn't been worse.

    I'm not saying that you should delete comments that don't agree with you, but when things are blatantly insulting and out for a response, don't indulge! Don't engage! I completely understand that desire to vindicate yourself, but understand that engaging with someone who wants drama isn't going to do anything...but create more drama. And you really don't need that in your life. You don't need it sucking up your time, making you feel bad, and all the rest of it. So please do seriously consider giving ye ol delete button a workout, for your own sanity. And remember, if you do decide to mod, nobody is going to expect you to approve comments right away or even regularly. And it's not your job to host an open forum at the expense of having to deal with hurtful people. Let someone else deal with that. We can talk over at freejinger, etc, you don't need to do this by yourself, you don't owe anyone a forum, and you do NOT have to suffer trolls!

    *hugs* Just some friendly advice,

  39. I enjoyed this entry, Ruth.

    Well done. :D


  40. @shadowspring

    thankyou for that timely reminder.

  41. Well, as a QF person and someone who likes a lot about the Duggars...

    I think that commenter is an idiot/spammer/troublemaker.

    It's comments like that that make me hesitate to introduce even moderately controversial topics on my blog, because I have a hard time remembering that some people have too much time on their hands and use it to cause trouble for others or seek to injure others.

    You don't owe a response to such people. Normal folks, with normal IQ's will recognize this as trolling and not take it seriously. Nobody's going to question you or start hating you because you don't give a point-by-point rebuttal to a troll.

    Also, while this person may indeed be a whacked out "defender" of ATI, he/she could be a bored 14 year old or a sloppy old drunk who's neither ATI, nor Christian, nor homeschooled. Who can fathom the reasons behind these kinds of postings? But I wouldn't take any of it seriously, including their implied claim to know the Duggars.

  42. Ruth, Just wanted to tell you how much I enjoy your blog! I found it this week (an article of yours linked from a Facebook group). I've read it all now and BACKWARDS at that =) I'm sorry that there's not more to read and soak up.

    I have come out of the IFB movement, but I was not home schooled (conservative Christian school). However, I was sheltered and wore only skirts and dresses etc. There's no way you can write what you did and not have experienced it. Thank you for sharing with me your life so far.

    I'm cheering for you! It's been hard to leave even in my mid-30's. Much love to you.

    Kim Bowen
    Hot Springs, AR

  43. i just found this link, and i thought it applies very well to what you have experienced through your father and BG...

  44. Ruth, congratulations on your excellent handling of one of a group I call internet FANatics. They are fans of a show or family and defend it without saying why it is so good or so great (most of the time) but by trying to shut up anyone who dares find anything wrong with the show or family. They have very little self-awareness to see that they are usually guilty of exactly what they claim the original posters are doing.

    Good for you and let me say I've enjoyed all of your posts and would love to be able to help you and anyone else trying to find a normal life after ATI. Are there any organizations that do that, if you know?

  45. A simple google of Kay whoever led me straight to the irony of Ruth's moniker.

    Can we make a new definition for our new Ruth, and whatever floats your boat is the woman you want to be. I think we can improve on that slogan for women. I'm beat and the rest of you will see this on deadline, just a new acronym to reflect the change. Too bad "b" isn't there; I'd use the word in a hot second because our girl served it up and slapped both the cook and the waiter.

    Putting women "their" instead our "our" really bothers me. Fellow bitches, let's fight this label in this sexist corner of society that needs to be shown the woman is the center of the home and not the drudge.

    I don't have the message's late and I just knocked out a 10 page paper.

    I have no idea when one is put in this track, as opposed to the missionary track the Duggar twins experienced in SE Asia. FTR, they taught nothing.


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