Thursday, April 1, 2010

I am 26

My phone rang very early this AM. My family not being in the same time zone occasionally causes early calls. It was my brother wishing me a happy birthday and calling to check in on me.

After that, my room was silent and I started thinking about my family. I miss them on days like today. Birthdays were something that my mom always did right. While we, technically, weren't supposed to spend too much energy or emotion in observing them (it could detract your focus from Jesus), my mom would always say that there was no better way to celebrate a Creator than celebrating His creations. She and my father would have these huge arguments around our birthdays and it was really the only thing I ever saw her argue with him about - she wasn't submissive on this issue. I didn't really understand why, of all the things she could've debated him on, it was our birtdays that really made her step outside of that submissive veil. I think I'm beginning to get it.

I think it was the one area where she felt like she had some authority. It was she that had gone through the nine months of pregnancy (or less/more). She suffered the depression and the births and the recoveries. She breastfed us and cared for us almost exclusively. She watched us hit all of those milestones and birthdays and they were probably just as much her celebrations as ours.

I haven't spoke to my mom in weeks and if she's reading this, as I suspect she is, I want to say this to her.
MOM, I LOVE YOU! I MISS YOU. Even if you can't wrap your head around it right now, I'm doing all of this for all of us. Thank you for giving me life and thank you for the cupcakes. I'll try to find one today and I'll think of you while I eat it. I love you. - Ruth

36 comments:

  1. Your love for your family is beautiful. I have tears in my eyes. Happy, happy birthday Ruth!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Happy Birthday Ruth. I hope your mom is reading this....

    ReplyDelete
  3. Happy birthday, Ruth. I hope you have a wonderful day.

    Shannon

    ReplyDelete
  4. Happy birthday Ruth! I hope you have a wonderful day full of cupcakes. A couple of presents wouldn't hurt I'm sure :).

    ReplyDelete
  5. Happy Birthday Ruth!

    ReplyDelete
  6. A VERY happy birthday to you, Ruth. Here's hoping you're embarking on your best year ever!!!

    ReplyDelete
  7. Ruth's mom, thanks for giving birth to Ruth. She is a blessing to all of us who read this blog. Thanks for caring for her and loving her enough to break out of that shell and celebrate birthdays with her and your other children. You sound like a wonderful mom!

    Happy birthday Ruth!

    ReplyDelete
  8. Happy birthday Ruth! It is always difficult and sad to be away from the family on your birthdays. I remember feeling so lonely the first birthday I spent away from home.
    And to Ruth's mother: you have a wonderful and brave and talented daughter! You should be so proud of her!

    ReplyDelete
  9. Happy birthday Ruth. Be sure and check your google email.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Happy Birthday! It amazes me sometimes how close in age you and I are (my birthday was this last Sunday). Our experiences growing up were so different.

    Please do something for yourself today. Get some ice cream, order yourself something nice on-line, whatever. You deserve it!

    ReplyDelete
  11. Happy birthday, Ruth! I hope you get to do something special and fun and just for you today. ♥♥♥

    ReplyDelete
  12. Bon anniversaire Ruth ! I hope you find the loveliest cupcake there is ! And every success in this new year of life !

    ReplyDelete
  13. Happy Birthday Ruth! Today is my Mom's birthday as well.(I know it is not really that strange as many people have the same birthday). But I just wanted to send you (((HUGS))) on the anniversary of your birth- I think April's Fools babies are EXTRA special (but I am bias).

    ReplyDelete
  14. Happy Birthday, Ruth! May you be blessed with good health, wisdom and a sense of peace.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Happy Birthday Ruth! Like Natalie above, today is also my Mum's birthday! Hope you have a lovely day.

    ReplyDelete
  16. We share a birthday! Happy Birthday to us. Keep blogging and put the tip jar back up. On Freejinger someone said they believed you until you mentioned your birthday was today. Does that mean that every April 1st birthday is fake?

    Susan Heinz

    ReplyDelete
  17. Happy birthday, Ruth! I'm eating some cake in your honour. Here's hoping that this year will be more peaceful, and that your mum will be able to go and celebrate with you one day.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Sniffle. :'-( Happy Birthday!

    ReplyDelete
  19. Happy Birthday Ruth!!! I was happy to read that your mother always insisted that you celebrate your B-days.

    ReplyDelete
  20. Happy Birthday, Ruth :) My mom also made a huge deal of our birthdays (well, as huge as she could) and it's always sort of stuck with me that it's MY day, and I try to pass that special feeling on to my own children.

    I hope your mom reads your message and understands the love you have.

    26 was the year I met the man I would marry. May yours be doubly blessed!

    ReplyDelete
  21. Happy Birthday, Ruth! Thanks for posting this, and being willing to make your thoughts and musings public.

    ReplyDelete
  22. Happy Birthday! What a lovely post to your Mom - I hope she was able to read it and feel your love.

    ReplyDelete
  23. Just a question to those of the posters who were in and are now out of ATI, was it a common practice to NOT celebrate a kids birthday? I watch the Duggar's show and they DO celebrate at least their younger kids B-days, I know because I have seen the episodes or was it just different from family to family.

    ReplyDelete
  24. Been starting to follow & read along... come from a similar background so I know how you feel. Happy Birthday.

    ReplyDelete
  25. One of Gothard's early lectures was about keeping the family focus on Jesus. He suggested a number of ways to do this, including limiting or eliminating birthday celebrations. Later, he backpedaled on eliminating them because it contradicted the pro-life idea that every child was a gift and so should be celebrated. For years after that first lecture, he preached that birthdays should provide a day to recommit and refocus on the Lord. Gifts should be given to help someone fulfill their "purpose".

    ReplyDelete
  26. Aww, happy birthday, Ruth! It can be hard being away from your family on your birthday (at lesat the first few times) even if you know it's for a good reason.

    Did your birthday ever get pre-empted by Easter? What do Gothardites DO for Easter?

    -- tatortotcassie

    ReplyDelete
  27. Happy Birthday! Hope you had a good one, however you celebrated.

    ReplyDelete
  28. Interesting how it's always, "What Bill Gothard says on this or that matter?", NOT "what does Jesus Christ say on this matter"? Seems that the latter would be important considering that all of these cults are using mainstream Christianity as their "front". The "all children are gifts" mantra sickens me considering how children are actually treated in this system/model. And it is just that; it is a Bill Gothard system/model of doing things that was invented by him, not God or Christ.

    Ruth, wishing you a happy belated birthday. The best gift that you gave yourself is the gift of freedom. You gave it to youself when you made a conscious decision that you deserve better, that your life means more than to become someone else's slave and be under their dominion and thumb. I realize that the decision you made leaves a bitter sweet taste in your mouth at times, but know that you made the right one. That one decision that you made when you ran for your freedom changed the whole direction of where your life was headed should you have remained under the "umbrella of authority" (code words for "full of crap") of your dad. Enjoy the gift of freedom that you were born with and don't let anyone take that away from you. I hope that you find a delicious cupcake along the way! :)

    ReplyDelete
  29. I am reading your blog from the beginning to end and not skpping any. Oh dear, I can't type for tears right now b/c I DO understand ...and I understand your mothers pain. I hope she read your note to her and smiled happy tears.

    ReplyDelete

Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.