Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Quick update

I've been crazy busy with school and gaven't had much time to be online. I do want to discuss something that was blogged about me and e-mailed to me by a few of you.

Some "stranger" blogged my identity and erased it 48 hours later. If you saw this blog that was created just to "expose me" (if you had razingruth in a daily google search, you might have seen what I am talking about), I am asking you keep it to yourself and not repost my name or address. The author of the site was almost certainly an old member of our home church. My dad, so I am told, was even more worried than I am about my name being given and therefore linking my story to him and he asked the author to remove the information. I won't lie- the things this person said about my leaving my family had grains of truth. I did write my dad asking for money (sort of). I sent him a registered letter, that legal aid helped me draft, inquiring about my inheritance from a familly member who passed away. The deceased supposedly left an amount to be divided between all us kids and I never saw it. I did not "beg" my dad for cash or threaten to wrongfully sue him if he didn't "pay up". I also didn't sleep around- that is not why I broke my engagement. I'll explain what happened in time.

Yes, I am struggling financially but I never threatened to blackmail my dad!
Thank you to those who alerted me to this.


  1. I did write my dad asking for money (sort of). I sent him a registered letter, that legal aid helped me draft, inquiring about my inheritance from a familly member who passed away.

    Most daughters away at college would never have been put on the spot to justify writing home to ask for money. It's like having to write about your reasons for soiling your diaper as an infant.

  2. Oh for Godssake! Lurker here, but it doesn't take a genius to know that this is about silencing you.

    Fear not. We are not stupid. Nor are we gullible.

    Though I pray not...I imagine the time will come when you are outed. You have given so much to so many in such a short time. When/if it happens, the anonymous among your readers will have your back.

    Don't be silenced, Ruth...just be aware of your important impact, and keep yourself safe.

  3. I hope that they will come up with the money that was left to you honestly. I do hope that your father won't make excuses about you being a disobedient daughter and not deserving. If it was a legal bequest they should send you the money.

    Good luck.

  4. Ruth,

    Asking for money in college is like breathing. I mooched off my parents for years. Have no shame in asking for what you were promised and for being proud of being student poor. It will pay off in the long run.

    As for sleeping around, as a single woman, it's your right to control your body. If people chose to do that, so be it. It's no one's business if you are over the age of 18. I wouldn't even dignify that with angst.

    Did they hijack your blog or create another, fake site? I'd report them (and any ip associated with them) to the group that runs the site.

    Cowards! I love how men are so afraid their house of cards is going to fall that they resort to this kind of stuff.

  5. Ruth,
    I think its bittersweet that you want to protct your *dear* father's identity so badly. You have a right to privacy, but he is afraid of the exposure. You share all the blood, guts, and tears behind this lifestyle. Too many Gothardites want to proclaim they do nothing but sh*t rainbows, when nothing could be further from the truth.

    You have a right to inquire about the money. If Darth Daddy can't come up with a good answer,sue his happy butt.

    To the one who took Ruth's identity, get a life, loser. She walks in the light of truth, leave her alone.


  6. Ruth ~ You have been through (and are still going through) so much, yet you are still postive. Many prayers your way! You are an inspiration and will find your way in this world!

  7. Hi there, Ruth. I am very sorry to hear of this freaky occurrence (someone creating a blog to "expose" you.) How very "Christian" of them - NOT! But what else is new. In any case, you need NOT explain anything. In my opinion, the more you talk about something, the more "energy" you give it. Forget it. No one here is a stupid fool to believe that you begged your dad for money or that you "slept around" or any other such nonsensical thing. You do deserve your share of the inheritance; whether or not you got anything, I don't know, nor is it my business. I never got anything from my aunt's inheritance and when my mom passed away my brother kept the house (we had it transferred to his name before she even passed away), and he kept everything in the house. All I wanted was to go through the things in her room that she lovingly kept there (long story). I couldn't even do that. I didn't fight my brother for anything because he is a selfish a*s who always felt that he was somehow "less than" me, even though he had at least two full inheritances given to him. I still talk with him and try not to think about it, but yes, it does bother me at times. You have the right to your grandparents' inheritance (your portion- as you blogged about before).

    What a bunch of jerks in this world. Seriously, Ruth, maybe your dad needs to put the fear of God into the blogger; he seems to excel in that. Maybe he can actually use his talent for scaring people into silence - for good in this case.

    Hang in there, Ruth. :)

  8. Oh Ruth, sigh, it must be tiresome to be always on the alert. Just remember that you have every right to that inheritance and you don't owe any of us an explanation.

    Oh, there are real men and then there are those who are cleverly disguised as men. The cretin who did that to you is the latter.

    Breathe deeply and know that there are plenty here who are praying and rooting for you!

    Take care.


  9. Yeesh... you'd think some of these folks would start to understand they do more damage to themselves by trying to "expose" you than you'll ever do to them with your carefully anonymous blog.

    If I remember correctly, you've mentioned the inheritance before, so no surprise that you inquired about it. There's also been a post or two about a dad-appointed fiance who made it clear he did not have any intention of loving his wife or raising her up. I don't know if that was the final straw that made you leave for good or if there was more after that, but frankly it doesn't matter. The abuses of your childhood already relayed are already more than ample reason for leaving, and I suspect there's much more that you've yet to share.

    The most amazing thing to me is, despite all of this, you still care enough for your family to protect them. You've been cautious about releasing information that might reveal your identity or theirs, seeking your own healing while trying not to hurt them. I only wish they (or in this case, their associates) could extend you the same courtesy.

  10. Ruth, please take comfort that not one of your supporters are going to trust someone who is out to smear you. Other than the stress this has caused you, I think it is absolutely hysterical that, though they were out to harm you, they ended up inadvertantly exposing your father.

  11. I have to say, sometimes I wish you'd out them all and let the world judge them as they should be judged... but I understand why you won't. Meantime, I find it ironically amusing that someone who wanted to make your life difficult instead upset your father.

    Seriously, if Gothardism/ATI/Quiverfull is the end all be all road to heaven, why the secrecy? Why not lay it all out and ask the Lord to help we sinners see the path to righteousness?

    Oh, wait. Maybe because the path is PAVED IN CRAZY???

    Hang in there, darlin'. We believe in you. :-)

  12. Ruth, I hope that, despite this violation and the anxiety it surely caused, you can continue to use your blog as a healing tool. You have many admirers and supporters out here in the cybersphere who care for you!

  13. Hi! I am coming out of lurking to say I have a 20 year old son in college. He is paying his way but still asks us for money and it neither offends my husband or I. When he needed unexpeded lab equipment for a Chemistry class, we gave him the money. When it was easier for him to eat on campus then pack a lunch, we paid for a cafeteria pass. We put gas in his car. Parents want to help out. Just ask your fellow students. I hope you get the money that is rightfully your's. If not, God will provide. Keep us updated.

  14. We pay our daughter's tuition, books, rent and buy her a cafeteria card every semester. We feed her each weekend she comes home and have no problem with her raiding our cupboard/refrigerator for goodies to take back to her apartment with her.

    She's our daughter.

    Also, her personal relationships with guys are no one's business but hers, God's and the guys. It is not my place to go over her life with a fine tooth comb hunting for sins.

    And were I to find out about any, the odds are good that the beam in my own eye would prevent me from being able to help her with her speck anyway. ;)

    Live loved. You ARE loved!

  15. That's terrible, Ruth--I wish they would just leave you in peace and let you heal. :o(

    When I was in college, my dad used to pay my phone bill, and for gas if I needed it. He would also take me grocery shopping once in awhile. When I was in danger of getting kicked out of an apartment because I couldn't pay the rent, my mom gave me the money, even though she didn't agree with my life choices at the time (and by "life choices" I mean my ex-boyfriend, lol). My parents are kind of crazy (especially my mom), but still they found it normal to help out their kids.

    Inheritances are something else again, and they bring out the worst in everyone. Been there, too. Sometimes all you can do is let it go, even though it's not fair.

  16. Methinks you are getting under their skin, Ruth.

    Good job. Keep it up. :)


  17. Ruth:

    I am so sorry this happened. I did notice your dad was more freaked out than you. HE obviously has more to lose than you do, should your identity be known.

    I also hope that he is reading your blogs and is having an attack of the conscience at the harm he caused you and your siblings. He has a perfect shiny Duggaresque facade that he doesn't want to lose.
    I pray that he (and your mother) will one day come to you and each of your siblings in the spirit of Matthew 10 and make things right. He should commit this to memory: "And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath"

    I wish you peace and good fortune for the rest of your life.


  18. Ruth, you're in my heart and prayers. So telling that your father cared more for his own reputation than for your safety.

    God, our true Mother-Father-Protector, loves us endlessly where the humans who happen to be related to us, cannot or will not.

    Courage, dear girl!

  19. Ruth,

    What a terrible thing to have happen. I agree, I think that it's telling to both your character and your father's/friend of family that this happened and how it's been handled. You protect your family, they betray you.

    None of here are going to fall for malicious words written about you. It's obvious that you've hit a nerve, and it's retaliation that drove the cretin who created that blog. Fear not, you need not worry about your reputation.

    As for explaining yourself, don't feel the need. You've done nothing wrong. Caring parents help out children however they can, and usually, that means helping out with college. I know my parents helped my brother and I, and I will help my children. Your actions with men are your own, don't ever feel that such things never need to be explained. You're an adult, and whatever you do or do not do is between you and the man. I imagine that given your upbringing, you're not going to have causal s*x, but if you were to, again, it's nobody's business but your own. We're not here to judge, and it isn't for anyone here on Earth to judge.

    Stay strong, and don't waste another minute thinking or worrying about the lowlife who tried to expose you. It isn't worth it.

  20. As far as your inheritance goes, the executor is required to follow the direction of the will. If the will states you receive $X, then they should be writing you a check in that amount - to you, not your father. That is the law.

  21. Mikey is right, but that assumes that the will is very specific in its instructions. If it is not set out SPECIFICALLY, by NAME, in the will, then don't hold your breath. A lot of times, these things are agreed on verbally amongst the family when the decedent is still alive, but the instructions in the will are not specific enough to actually execute. If that is the case, then you'll probably never see the money, since it would require that Daddy Darth act honorably.

  22. ScottinAL, unfortunately, what you are saying is 100% true; I am a living testament to that.

    When I was young (in my late teens), my dear aunt who had no children left a partial amount of her own personal assets to be divided between myself and my younger brother. As it turned out, her husband contested even that (even the assets that were hers exclusively 100%), and there was a compromise because another uncle was involved who owed him (my aunt's husband) money. When it was all said and done, I received zero, nada, zilcho, as I had to forego my part of it for the compromise WITH the VERBAL agreement from my aunt and uncle that I would get my part at a later date. As it turned out, when that "date" came (and went), they did not abide with their verbal agreement at all. However, my brother got his share at 100% and more. The money would have been helpful to us at the time as we were both working, going to school, and raising our first few children. One thing I learned is that verbal agreements for the most part are worthless because when it comes time for the "action" part to occur (actually sticking by what one has verbally agreed to), the people suddenly develop amnesia or an enormous sense of greed.

    This happened also when our mother passed away; after the first episode with my dear aunt, I was prepared for it. I just let my brother take everything. I still communicate with my brother once in a while (we lead two different lifes/lifestyles), he has never married, has no children, hangs around people who are moochers, etc. Truthfully, fighting with jerks is not worth it to me. Does it bother me? Yes, it does because our mom collected various things, especially domestic items which mean a lot to me. We went shopping together for many of the things. I think that the bums that he lets into the house took a lot of those things.

    I don't know what to say. I wish life was fair. I apologize for going on so long, I guess I needed to get it out. Bottom line is that unless there is VERY specific language in the will (and even then things can be contested), anything and everything will happen when it's time for the will to take effect, the worst in people takes over and unless you're willing to fight, argue, bicker with ugly, mean-spirited people who have a severe lack conscience or no conscious, it isn't worth it; to me, it wasn't.

  23. If you ever need to take it a step further and the post is on a blogspot or other Google-hosted blog (or WordPress), you can flag that blogger's post as offensive. It is a violation of Google's terms of service to do what they did. Whether law enforcement around you knows it or not, it can also be considered a criminal offence, particularly if you are a minor or you have minors living with you that would be directly effected.

  24. Hi Ruth! I came across your blog and have really enjoyed reading it! We have also been struggling financially the last couple years, and one thing that has really helped our budget is what you might call "super couponing." With coupons and store promotions, you can often get many things for free or extremely cheap. It does take a little bit of time to research the deals and learn how your different stores work, but it's so worth it in the end, in my opinion. We are a family of three, and I pay mostly tax for most of our personal hygiene items, household and cleaning supplies, and OTC meds. Our grocery bill is a fraction of what it used to be. If you're interested, I would be happy to let you know the names of some blogs and forums about couponing and finding the best deals. Just let me know; my email is holamelitta at hotmail dot com.


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