Rachel met with the adoption agency today and by next week, she'll have a place to live. Because of the situation, they want to have us both living in an apartment together. I'm going to do it because I want my sister to have the support she needs. I also know that this is going to mean me dropping a class. I was the RA here on campus and I can't do that if I'm not living here. The dorm advisor understands the situation and, luckily, we'd been training up a new RA for our floor since December (in case Harris and I had lasted and I moved out). I need to drop the class because I'm going to take the advice of someone on these blog comments who told me to try waiting tables. Maybe they were just being sarcastic, but that isn't a bad idea. Rachel and I are going to need to pick up things for the apartment and pay the uncovered expenses that the adoptive parents and the agency will eventually pick up. Rachel can't work. She's going to be busy going to doctors and seeing therapists and lawyers. I want to do this for her. However, please don't feel badly about me when I say I'm scared to death.
I think craigslist will be my new friend. :)
Ruth, look into Freecycle. (www.freecycle.org). You'd be surprised at how many things you can get for free from people who would otherwise donate to Goodwill. You can only request as many items as you offer, but I get 20-30 offers daily in my inbox. Some of it is really nothing, of course, but I've gotten some decent furniture from Freecycle.
ReplyDeleteJust chiming in with freecycle being amazing-- worth checking what your local one is, as different ones will have different things on offer.
ReplyDeleteI've got bookshelves, curtains, an Ikea wardrobe etc. from Freecyle. I've passed on a bunch of things, many of which would be awkward to get rid of otherwise (like packing boxes). And I've seen so much stuff on offer there.
Other things that may be available-- http://neighborgoods.net or something similar. They work by people basically saying what they have that people can borrow. I live in a big city, but I've got free eggs because someone in the neighbourhood's mum kept chickens and she had brought a bunch back from visiting. My account has my toolbox, my flatmate's widget for checking if there's wiring under plaster, a ladder, etc.
I waitressed my way through college (while also working for uni catering and the bookstore--waitressing was my favorite of the three) and still miss having cold, hard cash to show for a long, rough night on your feet. (And still have the occasional, apparently common, waitress nightmares of all your tables waiting angrily for various things you forgot to bring them.)
ReplyDeleteWithout experience, you will be limited in where you will get hired, but my advice to you is to find a place that has all-u-can-eat something with an automatic gratuity added to the bill...all-u-can-eat crab legs, shrimp and fish fries paid for my rent and books!
Good luck to both of you. Bigger and better days await.
Sarah, I still have those dreams too! Weird. I'm usually missing my pants in them too.
DeleteI was going to chim in, bu I see somebody already has, freecycle is a really good resource as well. We have something near us called lifamilies also, which is a thrifty way to get used things... You may have something like that in your area as well.
ReplyDeleteWhen I was in high school and college, retail jobs were my friend. They don't take a lot of experience... They're flexible as far as hours go, and if you stay in one place there is usually an opportunity for some form of growth. It's not what you'd call high paying, but you will get experience. Oh, and there's usually some form of discount involved too.
*hugs* *hugs* *hugs*
ReplyDeleteThanks for the update! I will be praying that all your furniture needs are provided for soon. Hang in there - you are both strong women and you will be able to take care of each other.
*HUGS*
Thanks for the update Ruth. So happy that your sister is with you. Good luck with everything.
ReplyDeleteYou CAN make some decent money waiting tables, so that's a good idea. Just be sure to leave your emotions at the door and don't take the inevitable "I'm in a bad mood and I'm going to try to make the waitress miserable so I can feel better about my pathetic self" customers personally. They are out there and you WILL have them in your section eventually. Just keep reminding yourself that they are their own problem, not yours. ;-) (Yes, this is the voice of experience!)
ReplyDeleteYou and Rachel are right: this is definitely NOT the time for her to try to find a job. But, you know, with the extra time on her hands, she COULD start her own blog, right? (HINT HINT HINT!!!) ;-)
Take care and, as always, keep us posted!
The waiting tables comment was from me and it wasn't sarcastic. Sorry if it came across that way. It's how I survived, and I think you'll do really well at it. The job comes with the added bonus of being able to pick up extra shifts when unexpected expenses arise. I didn't enjoy the work, but it was a life saver for sure.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad to read that you and Rachael are settling in. She's very lucky to have a big sister who cares as much as you do.
Tell the apt manager that you guys need furniture often people vacate and leave a ton of stuff behind.
ReplyDeleteMy local church has a "free store" for those who are in need, or transitioning into their own homes. You may want to see if there is something similar in your area (and you don't need to be a member of the church for them to help you). Also, there are quite a few work from home jobs that you or Rachel could do. There's some bad ones out there, but there's some legit ones too. I know someone who just got a job at U-HAUL doing phone reservations from home. The only thing that you need is a dedicated internet connection, a computer, and possibly a phone line (depending on the job). I know FedEx has a similar program in certain areas as well. Either way, I'm glad that Rachel is safe, and I hope that this transition goes smoothly for you
ReplyDeleteMy local church has a "free store" for those who are in need, or transitioning into their own homes. You may want to see if there is something similar in your area (and you don't need to be a member of the church for them to help you). Also, there are quite a few work from home jobs that you or Rachel could do. There's some bad ones out there, but there's some legit ones too. I know someone who just got a job at U-HAUL doing phone reservations from home. The only thing that you need is a dedicated internet connection, a computer, and possibly a phone line (depending on the job). I know FedEx has a similar program in certain areas as well. Either way, I'm glad that Rachel is safe, and I hope that this transition goes smoothly for you
ReplyDeleteWatch out for the old people. My MIL is a horrible old *&*7 to wait tables for and any old infraction she does not tip.
ReplyDeleteMy BIL took her out for dinner, and because she did not get her choice of restaurant she took it out on the server.
Don't take old people personally. They can be grumpy,obnoxious brats. We try to avoid going out to eat with her because more often than not she has been horribly rude, mean, and obnoxious.
One time we had a wonderful waitress,she bent over backwards for us. My MIL paid the bill while I went to the washroom. When I came out the waitress was waiting for me almost in tears.
Everyone else had gone to the car, and she was so upset that she had done nothing wrong. The bill was over 110 bucks with no tip.
MIIL did not leave a tip because the teabag was not put in the pot when she had it served! I paid a gracious tip.
I have been so embarrassed over the years. I made a comment once to a waitress not to take anything serious that came out of my MIL's mouth. She said she was used to it and all the old people are just nasty...then she laughed.....
I know you have been taught to respect your elders, and I tell you this to warn you. It is not you. IT is them.
Remember this when you get an old fart to serve.
Oh my, yes. I worked at a Denny's one summer in college, and the old people were, by and large, pretty mean. I was a very attentive server and I wasn't disrespectful, but they dished out a lot of verbal abuse and left pocket change. I tried to remember that they had health problems and were probably on a fixed budget, but that only did so much. Be forewarned.
DeleteAlso, beware the perverts. It's a sad fact that there are men in this world who will take advantage of the fact that you're at work to say disgusting things to you, or to try to coerce you into going on a date with them. They know that at work, you have to be nice and that at work, they can complain to the manager to get back at you for not being thrilled by their suggestion that you become intimate with them in the bathroom. If you find yourself with a manager who will not back you up against these people (by intervening, or by asking another server to take that table for you), you don't want to work there. Any business that puts customers' desire to be gross over their employees' safety and dignity is not a good business. You will run into people like that, and you need to stand your ground.
My aunt was super-cheap like that. Despite the fact that she worked her way through college and in her old age was worth millions. She always insisted on tipping $1 with some crabby excuse as to why that was acceptable. We'd try to pay the bill and she would insist on paying it for us (showing off). She'd get even more irate if we tried to leave a tip on the table. So my cousins and I developed many ways to sneak in the tip. Going to the bathroom and giving the tip to the waitress where my aunt couldn't see us, slipping the tip under a dinner plate, dropping it out of our coat sleave on the table as my aunt headed for the door, "forgetting" a scarf at the table and going back, etc. And of course we'd have to make it a generous tip because of her rudeness to the waitstaff! Crazy!
DeleteRuth you need to slow down. Before you move out of your dorm and apply for a job, please check your scholarship and loan requirements. Earning any money from employable wages can change your status on grants/scholarships. Living off campus as well can change those things. Check with your financial office. Don't drop a class, please. You're almost there. I'm sure some of us could kick more money to the tip jar to keep you in school.
ReplyDeleteRuth I agree on checking things out with the student financial aid office first!!!! I waitressed my way through school and have done it since to help with expenses. Does your college have married studennt housing or something that they might make an exception for you and Rachel considering the situation? That being said lots of students (upperclassmen) live off campus. I heart Freecycle that and if you have a friend who will let you borrow a car or truck making a drive on trash day. I have picked up some glorious antiques that way. You can sell via Craigslist or ebay your better finds for more money.
ReplyDeleteBlessings and hugs,
Anna
miabellavintage - lol, you have just described my dad, especially drinks that have to be poured a certain way. Oh, they complain about how impossible all the old people they know are, then they turn around and complain about everything themselves. They are the worst, so rude to the staff and it's embarrassing for us.
ReplyDeleteHi,
ReplyDeleteFirst time poster and I just wanted that one option that could also help you is walking dogs. A lot of dog walkers can charge 15-25 per dog per walk and if you get 5-6 of those puppies you're looking at some decent cash. Just litter the right neighborhoods (suburban but not too rich looking) with fliers for your services and I think you could get some calls.
You need to check with financial aid before you drop a class. If you go below a certain percentage of enrollment, the financial aid changes and you may be responsible for paying some of it back. That said, you also need to make sure you keep the grades up. When students fail my class and are on financial aid, I get a form that asks "did they really fail the class" or did they stop going. If they took it and failed, administration is okay with it, but if they stopped attending, the student may have to pay back some of the financial aid. Also, if your GPA falls below a certain level, you lose access to federal financial aid until you bring it up again.
ReplyDeleteMostly, check out all the ramifications of any changes before you drop the class so you don't get surprised.
Ruth - one thing to ask when you are interviewing for wait jobs is whether or not that particular restaurant pools the tips at the end of the night and then splits it among the working staff. I'm personally very against this - there are many times that I want to tip my own personal waitress/waiter $20 because of exceptional service. But if they pool the tips, that waitress will only see a couple bucks... not fair to really hardworking staff, but a breeze for the slackers to pick up extra cash. Just a thought.
ReplyDeleteYou know what, Ruth, everybody is scared. It is normal and healthy. I don't feel bad for you in that way. In fact, it makes me smile to see that you acknowledge the fear and do what you must anyway. This is what we all do. Your upbringing has made you think that this is a bad thing. It is a system that is based on fear and based on false assurance that adhering to the ATI doctrine will make you immune to this. It is a false security. Don't you know that your father is trmendously afraid? He is a bully and a coward. As long as he can bully other people, he can deny his fear.
ReplyDeleteMost people admit to our fears and then to the next right thing. Alsong the way, your fears diminish and your ability to enjoy the earth and its amazing bounty and the living creatures upon it.
You and Rachel are doing just fine, I feel like your cyber parent. And I am very proud of you.
I'm concerned about you dropping the RA thing. Doesn't that cover your boarding costs? Rachel should be able to get her living expensive covered by the intended parents. One thing about waitressing, a lot of places won't hire you w/o experience and often will only hire you as a hostess. Depending on how you're reimbursed, that might be okay, but you also might make just minimum wage. I got my first waitress job at Pizza Hut, then I was able to get on somewhere better. However, many restaurants require you to tip people out, the bar staff, the bussers, even the host's, that cuts way into your pay. So find out how that works first. Pizza Hut didn't make me do that, but it was a long time ago.
ReplyDeleteGreat comments above, and I agree with most of them. I waitressed and bartended for years. If you are sensitive and efficient, you can do very well. It's hard work, but I really enjoyed it. Be honest with your clients--that helps. I never lost $ on a table when I told them, "the kitchen is really backed up right now, but I'll bring your meal out as soon as they come up. Can I get you a refill on that bread basket?" or "They just sat me 5 tables in 5 minutes and I am so swamped I can barely see straight, but I want to take care of you the best I can. If you need a refill or anything, just catch my eye or even snag another server. We're a team here." People appreciate honesty and being straight with them much more than someone who ignores them or can't admit they are struggling.
ReplyDeleteYes, and avoid tip pooling places. I've had $200 nights when my colleague made $40. I earned every dollar, she did not. It doesn't foster teamwork; it creates animosity.
I also love freecycle--it is amazing. Ours isn't a tit for tat thing. We can use it as we need and no one keeps track of how many things you offer vs. get. I have been amazed at how valuable it is.
But check out the financial aid stuff, and look into the housing option. You might be able to find more help if you ask. You're not alone, Ruth.
I would also check with local churches for items you may need. Many years ago (close to 20!) we were done with our crib and toddler bed. I knew I would not be having any more children and our daughter had been the only one to use these things. We let the office at our church know about the crib & bed and made it clear we wanted to just give them to someone. Within a couple of days the church hooked us up with someone to give these things to. I know you aren't looking for baby items but don't overlook churches for other things you need.
ReplyDeleteI waited tables and loved it as well. Do make sure it won't interfere with any scholarships or grants you may have though, because school is pretty important(I'm sure you know that though) and student loans can get so pricey.
ReplyDeleteAnother resource for furniture, televisions, stereos, baby stuff, anything really, might be your local landfill. I am not joking here, nor being sarcastic. A neighbor works for the local sanitation company and they have a store where they sell things that people dump. You would be astounded at what people get rid of-some things are new or barely used. He brings home items that are still in the original box and have not even been opened. So you might want to check and see if your local landfill has anything like this, if you are close enough.
ReplyDeleteI'm also in favor of triple-checking financial aid eligibility if you move off-campus; usually upperclassmen and older students have an easier time of keeping that funding. They (and the housing office) might have suggestions for you, too (like less pricey, safe apartment complexes; there are usually some student-populated areas that are nothing but parties, but there are often mostly-student, recent grad, etc. buildings that are preferred by serious students, and they tend to be quieter).
ReplyDeleteCraigslist can have great results, but there are a LOT of duds. Just be careful, check the place out before you agree to anything, meet roommates at least once on a "normal" afternoon/evening, and make sure you and Rachel have an individual lease and that you get that lease in writing (either as a physical document or electronic file). That protects you from flaky roommates OR flaky landlords (I dealt with both, recently, before finding a mostly-student apartment).
As far as jobs, I hope you have decent options. Most stores will love you if you can work weekends or a few closing shifts (though retail usually doesn't include tips).
Good luck finding furniture! If your area is anything like mine, you may want to enlist a friend or two to check craigslist (so there are "eyes" throughout the day) -- I've missed a few things by a matter of hours, and that's frustrating!
Take care of yourselves, and best luck getting things in order.
FreeCycle. Get on your local list. Every day people are getting rid of perfectly good things they have no need for. I gave away an entertainment center, a papasan chair, a bed, and tons of other things. It's a great site.
ReplyDeleteI was a waitress through high school and college. Lots of money to be made, and lots of fun. It can be hard work. Get good shoes--DO NOT skimp on shoes. A decent pair of shoes with good insoles and shock absorption is a must. Good luck, it's a great way to meet people, learn organizational skills, and make fast money.
ReplyDeleteGoodwill and thrift stores--lots of good stuff to be found. We just got our son set up in his first apartment and we got lots of stuff at Goodwill, the Dollar Store, and Wal-Mart of course.
Good luck to the both of you. You'll be in my thoughts.
ReplyDeleteIf you need to figure out where a good place to rent is, or get more information on a place before you sign a lease: I delivered pizza to work my way through college. Pizza delivery drivers know what REALLY goes in a neighborhood in a way that no one else, not even the cops, really does. (When I delivered in a rough neighborhood, twice we had the cops come talk to us about things we may or may not have seen.) Go to the nearest pizza delivery place, buy a soda from the cooler, and ask the manager if you can ask one of their experienced drivers a question, for just a minute. Invaluable information to be had that way.
ReplyDeleteStay strong Ruth. Waitressing is hard work so get a good pair of shoes. I can understand dropping a few classes this semester. You are going to be overwhelmed both physically and emotionally. You should check out goodwills job placement services. They have contacts that may be able to get you a job that will work around your classes.
ReplyDeleteI suggest getting your sister into vocational rehab after she has the baby. They can help her build life skills and job skills. Most states have a vocational rehab program. They can even help her get her GED if she needs it.
As for furniture and other apartment needs, check out freecycle.org. People post things that they have and dont need anymore for free.
@La Rêveuse--I was a waitress too at a place that did not pool tips. If I'd been one of your colleagues and heard you telling your tables to flag me down to refill their drinks I would not have been happy. That's seriously bad etiquette. Maybe you were only saying that when you worked at a place that does pool their tips?
ReplyDeleteI worked full time through college and kept my financial aid. Basically I took 3 classes during the fall and spring, and one class each summer session so that I could stay in full-time status. At my school (and I'm not sure if it's like this everywhere) I had one full school year to complete all of my credits. So if you do drop a class, you may be able to make it up in the summer to keep your status. Also, is it possible to claim your sister as a dependent? This may affect your financial aid status as well. Another option could be financial aid probation, but I'm not sure what your school's rules would be on that.
ReplyDeleteWhile in school I did customer service phone jobs mostly. The money might not have been as good, but I could study at work during down times.
Everyone else has given you good advice, but I have one more piece: Be very careful when you get upholstered furniture secondhand. Do not take upholstered furniture that has been put out as garbage, because it may be infested with bedbugs. Places like Salvation Army and Goodwill stores probably check that, so I would get couches and the like from them.
ReplyDeleteAlso, you should ask at student housing about getting furniture. There may be a lot of students who leave stuff behind or want to get rid of stuff when they move out.
On the topic of adoption: My husband and I are the parents of three handsome young sons who came to us via open adoption. Our birthmoms have said they appreciate knowing us and knowing how the children are doing. We absolutely have loved getting to know our children's biological mothers. It's been great to be able to get medical information; it's been great to be able to track down weird quirks (Hey, whose side contributed the stinky feet gene? LOL). The absolute best part though? When our boys do well at something, the first person I text is a birthmom. Trust me, nobody in the neighborhood wants to hear me say "Junior got selected for the gifted class" or "Guess who started in his basketball game?" but my sons' birthmothers? Oh they love to hear it. They have all said they worried about what it would be like to always wonder what happened to their children. In our open adoptions (we all live in different states), they keep up with us via facebook and especially texts. They now exactly what's going on and to them it's confirmation that they made the right choices in making an adoption plan for their babies.
ReplyDeleteBest wishes to you and your sister as you embark on an adoption journey. We wish you all well.
I know this might sound obvious, but find a big dude to accompany you if you're buying stuff from Craigslist or picking it up from Freecycle. Don't go alone and don't bring Rachel.
ReplyDeleteAlso, don't be afraid to negotiate with sellers on Craigslist. My husband and I have sold quite a bit of stuff on there and we always increase the price a bit so we can discount it during negotiations.
Another job suggestion. Check out the possibilities of working for a company that does the "free sample" service at grocery stores, warehouse stores etc.
ReplyDeleteThis gig can offer flexible hours, weekend work, and can pay $8-12 per hour. There's lot's of turnover in these jobs, so they are always hiring.
The "demo" people are not usually employees of the store where you see them, but are employed by a company that the retailer has a contract with to perform the demos. To find out where to apply, ask some of the "demo" people you see at the stores.
Just wanted to wish you both well. You wouldn't be human if this whole situation didn't scare you. Praying that everything comes together for you both.
ReplyDeletePraying for both of you. I'm glad you are there for your sister as she comes to terms with leaving the old life.
ReplyDelete