Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Update

I hate to do this; but, I need to ask for your help.
Does anyone know of ANY resources for moving her here? I've been google searching for hours and haven't found anything! We did, however, get a lucky tip here regarding the free legal aide, so I'm hoping there's someone here who knows of some resource to tap for getting her moved here and set up with an attorney, not for the adoption, to protect her from my dad and others who wish her harm. Any ideas are welcome! Thank you, in advance.

Edited: I edited this post to remove some information. We've got a plan and it's going to happen this week. My brother freed up enough credit card space to help work something out. I'll be spending today finishing up some assignments and labs (my professors were fantastic). I shared my blog with them in an e-mail and asked them to excuse my from labs. One of them is opening a lab today so I can do it before I go. Then, I'll be meeting Rachel (don't want to say more than that to keep it protected).

THANK YOU for the phone numbers of attorneys. I found one who is going to help Rachel for nothing more than the filing fees and such. She's local and a sister of someone on Freejinger. We've already spoken. Thank you, to all of you, for offers of help and offers of places to stay. I think it's going to be okay. I'll not be posting for a few days, but don't worry. For the first time, I really think this will work out. -Ruth

90 comments:

  1. Hi Ruth,
    I just transferred a little money, but forgot to write in the comments it was for Rachel's move.
    Hope it goes a little way toward it.

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  2. Try a women's shelter? That's the only thing I can think of. But, I don't know if they can help with getting her to you.

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  3. Amtrak train ticket?

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  4. http://www.peaceathomeshelter.org/our-services/

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  5. Long time reader, first time poster. The Salvation Army seems to provide some of these services: http://www.uss.salvationarmy.org/uss/www_uss.nsf/vw-dynamic-arrays/C611E0353AABE94180257367004C6FBE

    There are a number of domestic violence assistance programs who help with travel expenses. I know that you haven't overtly mentioned physical abuse but I'm sure anyone who looked into the situation would agree that it is domestic abuse, even if not physical.

    There's also ride sharing. I know that riding with someone who might be a stranger can be scary, but perhaps you can find someone at your university whose hometown is near where Rachel is, and on their next (hopefully soon) trip home they could give her a ride.

    Also, as crazy as this sounds, you might look into organizations that counsel people who are leaving cults. Whether or not you or Rachel view Quiverfull as a cult might be a problem here, of course, and I'm sure the transition is going to be difficult without strangers involved...but if nothing else comes up it might be an idea.

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  6. I just made a small donation. If putting an airplane ticket on a credit card isn't an option right now, I'd look into a Greyhound bus ticket--that's the cheapest way to travel, if not the most comfortable. Amtrak can actually cost more than flying.

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  7. In this case, Amtrak is actually cheaper (based on rough guesses of location) - about $170 one-way. Flying on short notice will cost upwards of $300, and Greyhound is running around $200.

    Any which way, sticking her on some sort of travel service is going to be the fastest way out.

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  8. See your other internet refuge. There is an offer for legal aid in your area.

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  9. If there's Megabus routes that work (there might not be) that's usually $50 or less. It's a long ride pregnant though.

    Hopefully we'll drop enough in the tip jar for a plane ride instead.

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  10. Google your (or your sister's) city/county name and "domestic violence". Almost any domestic violence program will work. They will have a number to call and talk to someone. Usually, these companies are all connected and can figure out a way to help. If you get someone who says they can’t help, move on to a different company (or even one in the next county).

    There are programs set up to help people in these situations. They can just be hard to find.

    Here’s The National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233
    These numbers are almost always 24/7
    Good Luck

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  11. Ugh. What a piece of work is man (not men, but the ugly parts of humanity).

    If you can manage to get money for a train ticket (Amtrak tends to be cheaper, safer, and easier than flying or Greyhound), I'd say that's the first step. And making sure she has somewhere to sleep (a couch, an air mattress, a friend with a guest room). From there, I know it's easier to get the legal stuff taken care of and find a job when you're physically there.

    I hope things work out for you and Rachel.

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  12. Contact your university's counseling services. Most universities have student emergency services where you can take out temporary loans for serious situations. You may be surprised at what they can do to help you. Your university should also have legal aid for students. They may also have more resources available for you or know of some in your community.


    Just keep reminding her that she is over 18 and an adult. It is scary standing up to your parents and other authority figures who will tell you what to do, but they cannot force her to do anything she doesn't want to do. It can make you want to pee your pants when you aren't letting them roll over you, but at the end of the day, their power comes from that fear.

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  13. Ruth, if Rachel does come to you soon, I highly HIGHLY recommend she travel with someone (your Brother, or his wife, just someone on her side). For a few reasons 1) a travel companion helps calm the nerves 2) in case Isaiah's (or Darth) tries to intervene and "talk her out of it", they would be there to run interference.

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  14. How far does she need to go? Most states have legal aid services.

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  15. How much stuff are we talking about moving? Getting one pregnant nineteen-year-old from one area of the country to another isn't that big a deal, logistically speaking. (Emotionally speaking may be another matter altogether.) But I'm guessing there are other considerations, like any possessions she'd like to bring, plus finding somewhere for her to stay when she arrives. So what all, exactly, needs to happen in order to get Rachel from point A to point B?

    I agree completely that getting her away from your father and Isaiah's family is going to be critical; she's vulnerable, and they strike me as having a lot of practice at wearing people down.

    I'll do some checking around around see what sort of resources I can turn up.

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  16. Ruth, there may be a legal aide service attached to your college.
    I know my son used one when he needed child custody advise. I found it for him by googling legal aide for his county.

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  17. If you call your local Crisis Line, they will have a database of aid services of every type. I worked as an intern for them one year, and their access to information is great.

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  18. I have a thought...whenever I go to my doctor I see signs in each exam room about who you can call if you are in an abusive relationship. Does you college have a student health service? If so, they should know who to call in your area.

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  19. Don't worry about Stuff. Get your sister out of that situation.

    I'd suggest a greyhound bus ticket. Amtrak train, you'll spend more time waiting on delayed trains than you'll care to. She'd get to her destination faster on foot.

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  20. I don't understand why your brother can't/won't help her get to you. It seems like he is really reluctant to help and I don't really understand that.

    I think you should just try to get her to you and then worry about everything else later. You don't have to have a credit card to book a train or bus ticket. Your debit card will work fine. If you don't have enough in the account then you'll just have to overdraw and figure it out later.

    This isn't quite on point, but just something I've wanted to say since I started reading your blog, I think you should start waiting tables. You have years of practice serving people, so I think you can do it. It's a good way to make quick money, and the hours are really flexible. I put myself through college this way. Working and going to school full time.

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    1. I suspect Ruth's broken foot/ankle from last year probably keeps her off her feet for extended periods.

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  21. I just registered on FJ to let you know this, but just tell them you lost your ID. Get there in plenty of time. I would get there at least 2 hours ahead. I flew several times while recently pregnant, including at 35 weeks. I did have a doctors note, but NO ONE asked about seeing it. From what I researched, every airline basically doesn't have any restrictions for lower 48 travel. Get your sister safe. Put the country between her and those that would harm her emotionally or physically.

    blog.tsa.gov/2009/11/holiday-travel-refresher-what-if-i-lose.html

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    1. I apologize for my poorly formatted post. I accidentally deleted a sentence.

      You CAN fly without state issued ID. If you "refuse" to show ID when requested, they WILL deny you boarding, but if you tell them you lost it, forgot it, or it was stolen they will let you board after you answer questions to verify your identity. I expect that these will include birth date and location, possibly SS#, etc. It will need to match what you put on the ticket, so be sure to be correct when someone buys the ticket. You might find examples of the questions asked online or in the comments on the TSA blog. Make sure there is plenty of time, and expect to be fully screened/ intensively patted down/ bags searched.

      I also second going to a domestic violence shelter. They are very experienced in getting quick documents.

      Having traveled while pregnant, try your best to get her an airplane ticket. While flying is no cake walk, a long train or bus ride sounds miserable. There is also the risk of increased blood clots the longer the trip is.

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    2. Much more current link about this on the TSA blog http://blog.tsa.gov/2011/06/tsa-2011-summer-travel-tips.html

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    3. Problem there is that she may not never been issued an SSN. It doesn't seem that out of the realm for many of the more isolationist of the fundamentalists who are rabidly anti-government.

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  22. Try the Catholic services in your area once your sister gets there. The Catholic church has a lot of safe homes for mothers-to-be getting away from abusive situations and services to help them place their children with a good family.

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  23. Ruth, my husband is an attorney in California who'd definitely be willing to help your sister - with getting a restraining order and the like. He often volunteers his services for such things, and can also put her in touch with agencies and fellow attorneys who might be able to help. Let me know if you'd like to get in touch with him. You can PM me on FJ (rikkitikkitavi); I was somewhat active on the Yuku site, though I hardly ever post on the new one. I'll also send you my email ID to your public email at Razing Ruth. All the best to you both!

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  24. Ruth, I have donated via your paypal for helping relocate Rachel. I wish I could do more but I am up near Seattle. Best wishes to you both and give Rachel a big hug when you see her.

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  25. Ruth,
    They need to take her to a women's shelter. I have worked at a shelter and can confirm that they will help her quickly obtain the ID she needs. I also will help financially. In fact, if you have the shelter contact me, I will pay for a plane ticket. I am not going to put it in the tip box, but I will pay for a ticket and allow her to remain anonymous if the agency is willing to contact me about how to make a direct contribution.
    A healthy 19 year old woman is safe to fly at all stages of pregnancy. I would contact the airline and explain her situation. Not just the pregnancy, but the fact that Rachel is vulnerable because of her own naivete. Even if she ends up flying alone, they will make certain that the flight attendants look after her. Children and disabled folks fly all the time. Airlines are quite experienced at helping folks traveling with limitations.
    The ATI people have way LESS power than you think. And as you already know, the "real" world is as full of wonderful people as it is of nasty people.
    Love to both of you.

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  26. Women's Shelter and constant reminding that she's 19 and they can only do to her what she allows them to do, that SHE controls the situation, not them.

    PLEASE keep us posted.

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  27. Contact DV shelters and crisis pregnancy centers both where she lives and where you are relocating her. Contact Catholic Charities and Luthern Charities, as well as local Luthern and Methodist churches. Stay away from conservative Christianity and tap into the more mainstream, liberal churches with strong social services outreach programs. She can travel by plane, train, bus or car. If she flees with the clothes on her back, then those resources I mentioned will set her up when she gets there.

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  28. One more thing, if they are getting THIS scary, then you and Rachel need to be aware that they may figure out they have one point of power over her that you can do nothing about. In order for her to place this child for adoption, Isaiah MUST sign consent. He can sign the paperwork that says he refuses to admit he is the father and it will suffice, but he must sign something.

    If he refuses to consent to an adoption, then her only choices would be to parent the baby or give him custody. Because of this, she might need to make two concurrent plans, one for placement and one for parenting. I'm going to guess she absolutely does NOT want Isaiah or either of their families to get hold of this baby girl, and if they have turned *this* scary then she may be what ends up standing between them and this baby, whether she's ready for it or not.

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    1. State law (and I don't know where she is or where she's going) will have an impact on this. Some states will allow for his rights to be terminated if he has failed to support her and the baby. She needs to talk to an adoption attorney in whatever state she ends up in b/c it will have a significant impact on what needs to be done as far as Isaiah.

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    2. Father's rights depends on where she delivers, actually. In Utah, for example, the father must claim the child before it's born AND sign the birth certificate.

      Or Rachel could always just say she has no idea who the father is and put UNKNOWN on the birth certificate.

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  29. http://www.chsnc.org/pregnant-and-need-help.html

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  30. I don't think that's the case in every state. I second the need to talk to an attorney wherever she lands when it comes time to give birth.

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  31. She needs to go to the local courthouse and tell them she is there for a Order of Protection. You can get it yourself - no lawyer. Once she gets it, she can take it with her and when she gets settled, bring it to the new police station. The new place will honor it and that way, her family can be arrested if they come near her. I hate to say it but should she start thinking about carrying anything that will help her defend her life if neccessary.

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  32. She can sign over the baby w/o Isaiah. Just say she doesn't know who the father is.

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  33. My name is Ruth, too, and I've been following you from NLQ for awhile. I'm going to put a bit in the paypal for your sister. My prayers go out to you.

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  34. What do you mean they wish her harm, what kind?

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  35. Ruth, I caution you to keep your plans off the internet. Seriously. Your father [and others] may read here and there. If you must update, please just tell us if she is safe or not. Please do not give them information they can use against y'all.

    These people are determined to keep Issiah's actions under wraps. Harming Rachel and the baby is not beyond them. Seriously. I do not put it past them to take the baby and harm Rachel. Keep her safe and keep her location a secret. A domestic violence shelter can and will help. They are trained professionals who are experts at keeping women safe from abusers.

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  36. @Anonymous, 6:20 -- Maybe not. If he claimed paternity and insisted on a DNA test I'm not sure that's the case.

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    1. He can only do that if he finds her before she places the baby, though.

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    2. This depends on the state. There are documented cases where adoptions have been reversed because they father was not informed.

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    3. Every state, even Utah, has procedure for a father to exert parental rights. Utah is the worst and very tricky, but requires the father KNOW the mother intends to place the child in Utah. The threshold is low, but a determined person with evil intent CAN exert his paternal rights in all 50 states. If she deliberately violates those rights and deliberately fails to name him as the father, all 50 states also have allowances to reverse adoptions based upon adoption fraud, which not informing him or lying about his identity would fall under.

      The HOPE is that like most cases like this, he genuine does not want this child to stick around. However, if she deliberately keeps him from his child, he can fight her, even in Utah. The cases that make the national news of older children traumatically ripped from the arms of their adoptive parents and returned to birthparents? Those would all involve the violation of father's rights. Yes, Utah might be the hardest state for him to fight in, but the simple solution to Utah is to file immediately and before the child is born his intend to exert his partenal rights. OTOH, some states like Ohio have obscure registries whereby failure to register by a father constitutes an immediate waiver of parental rights.

      Yes, she needs to talk to an attorney, but she also needs know that every state DOES have procedure whereby he can block her from placing for adoption, and deliberately actions on her part to block him from access to his child and knowledge of the adoption can put the entire adoption in jeopardy.

      Don't focus on deception, focus on why it's in his best interest to let this child GO and save himself the face and embarrassment this will create for his future within the Fundie world.

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    4. I just don't see how he can fight this and keep the poor young lady he's courting ignorant of the fact. Even the most naive girl would notice something "off" about his actions or those of his father. My hope is that her family is more tolerant and if she sees something off that she'll inform her father, as protocol dictates, and he terminates the courtship.

      No young woman deserves this asshole.

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  37. Ruth, if it's helpful I can go and get her tomorrow (I'm in the River Valley) and I have a safe, empty, furnished, rental house (hours from the AR state line) she can stay at as long as she wants rent and utility free. We've done this for another woman w/ kids. I'm not going to put anymore info than that here, just in case. If you'd like more info you can contact me @ english book 6 @ gmail. All together.

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  38. Ruth- that is amazing!!! Praying for you and Rachel!!!

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  39. Ruth-
    I want to mention one more thing about your university. If this begins to impact your classes, you need to contact the Dean of Students office. I cannot tell you how many times I have encouraged students to do it. As a professor, I can only assign a grade or give an incomplete. DoS has far greater power and flexibility (usually including several things that aren't printed in your handbooks). In addition, as a rule, professors do not cross administration (aka the people who pay their salary).
    You may be very surprised at the resources available at schools. With thousands of students, they have probably heard and dealt with just about everything. There may be support programs (perhaps even for Rachel... if you school is large enough, it may have prenatal classes for students, spouses, families)there. You already pay for all the university services with your student fees so make them work for you if they are available.

    Tell your sister to keep her chin up. Every person has a right to live happy, healthy, and make their own choices without intimidation or fear.

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    1. I just want to second pretty much everything JTN just said.

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    2. As a professor, I can tell you that I've really assumed students were just checking out of my class when in reality they were going through rough times. If we know, most of us will be understanding and helpful.

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  40. Ditto on the don't-ID-the-father advice. That's the only route he has for getting ANYTHING here- don't give it to him.

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    1. I don't think the baby daddy *wants* to be identified. He's perfectly fine abandoning Rachel and moving on with his life. He's like the thousands of other dead beat dads who go around getting women pregnant and denying paternity. There's no telling just how many other girls he's done this to at ATI conferences or other church retreats. He knew where to meet at the ATI conference so they wouldn't get caught. He initiated a physical relationship. He knew what he was doing when he seduced Rachel. And he does not care about the results. He got off, what does he care?

      Baby daddy's family and Rachel's family, though, want to control the outcome [or worse, silence her]. And they believe they can do that by controlling Rachel.

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  41. Again, IANAL, and it's excellent that you're getting one. And I would not want to see this baby raised in a QF/ATI lifestyle against your sister's will. I can't stress that enough!

    But Jo @ 6:00 is absolutely right that Isaiah has certain legal rights here, and that Rachel may have to make a plan to parent this child in order to make sure that the child isn't raised entirely by Isaiah and his family. I'd add that those rights are moral rights, too. As distasteful as it is, as the biological father he does have the right to a say in how the child is raised. (Google the Emma Wyatt case for an example from the father's perspective.) I think it's one thing from an ethical perspective for Rachel to get herself out of harm's way and another thing from an ethical perspective to incorrectly claim that she doesn't know who the father is, as some people have suggested, so that he can't assert parental rights.

    I hope the lawyer gets everything straightened out quickly, and I hope you're right that Isaiah's family would prefer to distance themselves from the pregnancy and baby, because I think that would be the best situation for everyone. It wouldn't shock me to hear that there's stuff here that would rise to the level of pre-emptively terminating his parental rights--that's a whole 'nother can of worms.

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    1. If he's denying paternity, allowing her to bear 100% of the responsibility and allowing his family to threaten Rachel's well being, well, his just flushed his "ethical and moral rights" down the loo.

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    2. Agreed. Absolutely. Unfortunately, he didn't/couldn't flush his legal rights with them.

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    3. But the baby daddy isn't going to enforce his legal rights. At all. If he were, he'd admit paternity and tell his family to STFU.

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    4. I just researched the Emma Wyatt adoption case. The key difference is that this father actually wanted the baby, admitted paternity and was working on a parenting plan with his girlfriend. There is no question that his child was stolen from him.

      Issiah, not so much. He's done nothing but cower behind his parents and then go and court someone else. He does not want the child Rachel conceived by him. He should man up and sign away his rights and tell his family to leave Rachel alone.

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  42. But we don't know yet whether Isaiah will assert his legal rights or not, especially if his parents and church start putting pressure on him to do so. It's amazing how the very same grandparents who want the problem to just go away, before the baby is born, suddenly turn doting and possessive after the baby is born. Another thing: if Rachel claimed the father was unknown, she would be perjuring herself, which seems like a risky course to take. So, all things considered, it's difficult to see how an adoption can be accomplished without eventually taking Isaiah's rights into consideration.

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  43. Ruth,
    I put a donation in your tip jar. I wish I could donate more, but my funds are a bit tight at the moment. Please use it on anything that will help you and Rachel get settled. I'm praying for you both.
    Drea

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  44. Open adoptions aren't always as open as the natural mother would like them to be. If your sister does adoption, she needs to realize that there is a very real possibility that she will never see the child again. A lot of people who advertise for open adoptions end up completely excluding the natural mother. No agreements in an open adoption can be legally enforced.

    For the people who are saying to claim the father is unknown: Shame on you!!! You guys have no idea how horrible that is! I didn't catch this post before it was edited, but is the natural father the one doing the threats or is everyone else? We really have no idea what the natural father is feeling right now or if he might man up and do the right thing. He's just as much a pawn as Rachael at this point and probably doesn't think for himself at all either. That does not excuse his behavior at all, but to lie about him and completely cut him off is unconscionable.

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    1. If you've been reading this, the behavior of Isaiah and his family is unconscionable. If he has legal recognition via the birth certificate, he and his family have a means of control. He's already denied that the pregnancy is his, and Rachel needs to get the hell out of there. This family and these people and their mentality- all poison. If Isaiah gave two craps, he could have manned up before now. If they are NOT cut off, they will do everything they can to hassle and threaten Rachel, because the ATI movement trains them to think that this is how to treat people. I hope the object of his new courtship finds out what a pack of monsters they are and dumps them all.

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    2. I'm one of the Anons who support Rachel denying Issiah is the father. It is not safe for her, or the child, to remain in contact with Issiah's family OR her own family.

      Have you read Ruth's blog?! You know what these people are capable of. I would not put it past them to kidnap her, steal her baby and never let her go.

      If the respective families were normal, in any fashion, I would never suggest Rachel deny paternity. But this is not a normal, unplanned pregnancy. It is an extreme situation where it is patently unsafe for Rachel to remain in contact with them. Ever. Rachel's father is abusive. Issiah's family will stop at nothing to try and control Rachel- while allowing Issiah to remain blameless. And Issiah just dumps her, denies her and tells her to go away and he wants nothing to do with her. So, hell yeah, deny that son of bitch his paternal rights. He had a chance to be a grown up. He failed. I don't even know how he can look at himself in the eye anymore, knowing that he seduced Rachel, got her pregnant and then abandoned her.

      And as someone up thread pointed out, we have no idea how many other girls Issiah's done this to. Or what happened to them. It's obvious Rachel wasn't the first little fling at an ATI conference- he knew just where to go and when so they wouldn't get caught. Yet he just keeps getting away with it.

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    3. You are making an awful lot of assumptions about this guy. Sometimes people freak out over pregnancies. Again, I didn't see what was posted originally...but did the natural father make these threats himself? If he didn't, we really have no idea what is going on with him. Could he have been forced into this courtship?

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    4. Assumptions my ass. He, his family, and Rachel/Ruth's family are birds of a feather.

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    5. Aside from the fact that NO ONE should be giving legal advice here, and neither am I, I can tell you that denying the name of the father on the birth certificate is NOT a fast track to adoption. Lying or omitting pertinent facts DOES NOT PROTECT ANYONE FROM LEGAL LIABILITY.

      Tell the truth and let the system work, but be aware that the system may decide to grant rights to the bio dad after all if Rachel signs over her parental rights. Rachel has to be ready for that possibility and plan her actions accordingly.

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  45. I know your sister has a lot to think about, but I would STRONGLY encourager her to receive counsel from a natural mother who has given a child up for adoption herself. So many natural moms live their lives in regret and so many adopted kids are wounded by the inability to understand how a mother could give them up. Adoption may be the right choice for your sister, but she deserves to hear how it could affect her life first-hand, not from an adoption counselor who wants to convince her that it's the right choice.

    I can recommend the "must-read blogs from mothers" on Mystere's page as a place to start. http://mystere1998.blogspot.com/. My heart hurts for the many big decisions your sister is making right now, but she deserves to have as balanced a perspective as she can, because adoption is not reversible and may not be as open as she wants (or may close as her child ages).

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  46. More resources to hear from and contact other moms who have or are considering adoption for their children. PLEASE have Rachel speak to them as well as adoption counselors and attorneys.

    http://www.cubirthparents.org/edd/?id=1

    http://www.cafemom.com/group/26942

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  47. In many areas of the country you can dial 211 for crisis information and they will give you a list of group in the area that could help you. I agree Catholic Community Services would be good to talk to also the YWCA, your local Crises Clinic, and domestic violence shelters. I can’t really give more exact contact unless I know the areas you are looking in and think that would be better kept off the internet. Best of luck to you and your sister.

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  48. It's sad to see so many people taken in by a potential fraud. In May of 2010 (No Title) you wrote that your sister flew out to see you with your brother (then later she went back home). If she does not have any ID how did she fly that time? Why is it harder for her now two years later? Why is your brother supposedly helping her but at the same time not helping her fly to you like he did last time? Why are you making this story of her "escape" so much more complicated/expensive this time around? The simple answer is that you enjoy extorting money from naive people. I may be completely wrong and your stories may be true. I just hope people think before throwing money towards this "cause" you have created. Things just don't add up to me. I wanted to believe you for a long time but this latest just makes it all unbelievable to me.

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    1. It is fine if you don't believe Ruth, you have obligation to give her money. However, I think you are jumping to conclusions using circumstantial evidence. It is not uncommon for women in these situations to leave their homes with nothing more than the clothes on their backs. I sense that this is very much the case here. If Rachel did fly out to see her brother last year, it was not in a hurry and was with her parents' permissions. I suspect that Rachel DOES have state issued ID, but it is no longer in her possession. Ruth mentions that Rachel has never been alone in a room before- you really think their abusive father would let her have control over her own ID? Just because Rachel doesn't have these things with her right now doesn't mean they don't exist in the world. She is fleeing- when you flee you don't usually have the time or foresight to gather up your state issued ID, especially when you flee from a situation like this.

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    2. You have to be kidding if you think Ruth is raking in the big bucks. Grow up.

      If you think she is "making it all up" well then she deserves to make a little money for being a fabulous writer of fiction. Either way, no one has required you contribute.

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    3. I will stand beside any person who is attempting to better themselves. Everyone has the right to live without fear, intimidation, or persecution. Abuse and mysogyny work when we marginalize the victims make them afraid to speak out. Horrific abuse (mental and physical) occurs all the time. Most of us are conditioned to look the other way or downplay it as 'not a big deal.' Personally, I would rather trust she is telling the truth and be wrong than not believe her and be wrong. That's my truth and I am willing to live with it. Do I believe Ruth? Yes. I have heard enough stories from students over the years that are heartbreaking. I have never met Ruth, but I have taught students with stories you could find hard to believe... students fleeing partners that left them for dead, students trying to prevent arranged marriages, students suddenly raising siblings after their parents were jailed for incest, students whose parents were placed in detention camps, etc.
      Truth is stranger than fiction and I'd rather be part of the solution.

      Delete
  49. You're so concerned with keeping your identity a secret and yet you shared your blog with professors who know your real name? As a former university prof myself I would not have let a student off the hook on labs or homework just for sending a link to their blog. I may not have even taken the time to read their blog. If I HAD read their blog and read some of the things written here I would consider contacting the police in the student's hometown and asking them to investigate the claims against her parents--especially considering there are still a couple small children living at home. If you really value keeping your identity a secret you might not want to give the blog address to people who know you IRL.

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    Replies
    1. So, we're fools to believe that Ruth is telling the truth, yet we're supposed to take your word for it that you're a professor?

      Um.....kay.....whatevah...

      Delete
    2. Anon1 was not bragging or complaining about being a prof, just mentioned it. Anon1 was not asking for support, pity, money, resources, anything. Anon1 does not have a blog with an account attached. So much for that. I hope every crazy misandrist, fire breathing hag had donated, feeling like they had taken revenge upon that horrid manhood them haz to put up with. And while they flush down their kids's Ritalin with a shot of walmart vodka, they grinningly think they had probably accomplished something for this year. I have had a lot of fun reading. Actually, not just me. Good stuff is best shared with others. :)

      Sapphire

      Delete
    3. Wow. My prof is letting me make up labs so I can go lay on a beach in Mexico. Don't think most profs are that hard to work with as you claim to be, Anon 10:58. Glad you're not MY prof!

      Delete
  50. Wow. I'm so glad I never had a person like you, anon, as my professor!! I had a situation in school where I wrote a paper, saved it. We were using dumb terminals back then--you know, the monitor and keyboard things that connect to a mainframe. I saved my work to the mainframe, and then thought I logged out of the computer. I went home to visit my parents. I returned that evening to print my paper out and when I logged in, someone had sent me an email from my own account that said "Ha, ha." And all my files on the main frame had been deleted, including my paper!!! So I actually had a compassionate professor who believed my story (cuz it was true!) and he gave me an extension on the paper without penalty. He didnt have to do that. He could have thought I was making something up. But, you know, he had compassion. Which you clearly dont.

    --MG

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  51. @Anon10:58pm-
    back to your own blog and keep feeling jealous of the support Ruth is getting.
    Ruth's professor obviously know who she is. She's not keeping herself a secret from them. I see nothing wrong with Ruth confiding in trusted people in her life----such as a professor.
    OMG! That's not the 'AHA!' proof that she's not real that you're making it out to be. As others pointed out, her sister flew back w ith her brother. At that time, her sister was a minor and that's not uncommon for a minor to fly without ID. I just love it when the fucking internet sleuths come out to play and they fail epicly. I've been reading Ruth's blog since the beginning. I've outed people online before. Ruth has never slipped up. It's been over three fucking years and she's not slipped up. Fake bloggers do stupid shit like logging in under the wrong name or using sockpuppets with the same IPs. They can't keep the facts straight. I was pretty sure of Ruth's reality when I realized that no matter how complicated this story is she's not majorly fucked up a siblings age or order in the pattern. You know why? She's not fucking making it up. She's living it. If you don't like her story don't read it. Ruth, keep on keeping it real. Don't let the skeptics stop you.

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  52. Honestly, I've taught and if any student did anything this elaborate as a lie (which I don't believe), I'd let them go for a few days.

    That being said - good luck!!

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  53. Ruth,
    blessings and peace to you and your sister. Be sure that your sister DOCUMENTS all threats and contact of any kind from Isaiah and his family. This will go a long way toward proving them unfit and dangerous to her and the baby. She should do the same with your dad and how he threw her out of the house. Courts do not look kindly on that sort of behaivior. She should also keep reciepts for all her care showing who paid for it including groceries to prove that Isaiah provided her with no support during her pregnancy. I would keep taking steps now to terminate any and all parental rights on the part of Isaiah. There are wonderful non fundie adoptive parents out there. Hugs to all of you.
    Anna

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    Replies
    1. I agree with Anna on the documentation. The legal system places a premium on what is written down. Keep a daily journal if you have to but don't rely soley on memory to keep things straight. If something noteworthy happens, note it accurately and with as much supporting detail as you can. If and when it comes to a confrontation or if you're questioned about something, documentation is your friend.

      Delete
  54. Ruth, I haven't checked your blog for a while, but I just read the post where you sounded so depressed about how hard life is. The thing about your life at the moment is that you're doing what someone with a good family who educated them properly would have been doing when they were 18/19. And even if their family couldn't pay their living expenses they would be somewhere to stay during the summer. So you really do have it tough on both counts - financially and emotionally ( it's scary to be alone in the world!). In addition, when I was in therapy we did an exercise where you cut out the awful parts of your life and totalled up the rest to find out your real emotional age. With the awful things your family did to you, you're probably emtionally an 18 year old as well. So please be gentle with yourself, and hang in there, it gets better.

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  55. This link deals with interstate child custody issues. It may be worth a read to understand that there are a lot of legal protection in dealing with this issue.
    https://www.ncjrs.gov/pdffiles1/ojjdp/189181.pdf

    Also, you may want to double check what the state does with a single mother birth and her rights with the child. In CA, a child born out of wedlock is technically a ward of the state and if certain paperwork is not fill out in time, the biological parent loses rights. Any major hospital and tell you about the local state law with single mothers.

    I will praying that God keeps everyone safe. I know it is scary right now, but you and your sister will make it through and that is the best revenge. :)

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  56. Ruth,

    I used to work for an adoption agency dealing with domestic infant adoptions (as this would be). Denying paternity is bad advice as the adoption can be challenged after the fact, with your sister's parental rights already being lawfully terminated, meaning she would have no say in the matter.

    If you feel that he is not going to cooperate/follow through with terminating his rights for an adoption, my best advice is for your sister not to terminate her rights until after his have been terminated. Contact a reputable adoption agency once you guys are settled in and they will walk you through what to do about him. They deal with this stuff all the time so it's not going to be anything new for them and they work with lawyers who will be able to give you all the answers you need.

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  57. I love you people! Thank every single kind one of you who offered Ruth and Rachel moral, financial, legal and/or any other kind of support. Be super blessed, all of you! SS

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  58. Lol, this story is just getting better and better.
    Let shite hit the fan :D Quite amusing, I have to add.

    ReplyDelete

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