I'm sorry that I haven't updated since last week.
It's been a rough time.
First, the good news. Baby Ellie is doing wonderful! She was released from the NICU today and is now home with her family. Leaving her, when Rachel was discharged, was immensely difficult. However, knowing that she's being loved on by so many people helped. I know that she's in a much better environment than I, or Rachel, could've given her at this point in our lives. All of the paperwork has been signed and it's time for everyone to get on with life.
Rachel is doing as well as I could have expected. She has her moments of depression but the counsellor/therapist and support group have been very helpful. She also has moments where, by looking at her, you know that she's so confident in her choice that it seems silly for anyone else to be sad about it. Physically, Rachel is doing very well. We need to start looking for a permanent place for her.
I did write that letter for Ellie (the letter her parents asked me to write). I won't re-type it for the blog (because it's her letter). I do want to share one things I thought of while writing it.
During the hospital stay, I got to see Ellie's new family. They're wonderful. As I've said before, Ellie's family isn't traditional. As some of you have asked/guessed, her parents are a same sex couple. We didn't choose them because of that one things, though. Even though Rachel wanted a couple that were far from fundamental, it wasn't their sexual orientation or their secularism that drew her to pick them. It was their family. Both parents are strongly connected to their extended family and one of the grandmother's wrote a letter to include in their family portfolio for prospective birth mothers. This grandmother talked about how, while the world was telling her otherwise, she chose to accept who her chidl was and to support her child regardless of her differences. There was something so appealing about that sort of unconditional love and I'm so glad that Ellie's new grandmother has that capacity to love. Ellie's birth parents are committed to letting Ellie be who she'll be. Both Rachel and I are drawing a lot of peace from that knowledge and hope. Additionally, when they were chosen by my sister, the birth parents invited Ellie and I into their home. When we arrived for that first home visit, we were greeted by an entire family- aunts, uncles, cousins, friends, and just this incredible community of people- all ready to love the baby my sister was carrying. I have to tell you that that amount of support blew me away. I know Ellie will be raised by a village of people and that that village will be far more capable than the one I was raised in.
I'm so glad Ellie and Rachel are both doing well. And it is wonderful that Ellie will have such a loving, accepting family :) I don't have that kind of family either, and your description of her adoptive family made me tear up.
ReplyDeleteDon't worry about not updating. I assumed you both were busy adjusting! As always my heart goes out to you and Rachel.
ReplyDeleteOh FYI, usually "birth parents" is used to refer to biological parents, not the adoptive/legal/cultural parents. Of course it's your blog so use whatever terms suit you but it took me a second to figure out what you meant when you said "birth parents". Although I'm zoned out on allergy meds so forgive me!
I would have thought growing up in such a fundamental environment would have cast a nasty shadow on the same sex idea....apparently Rachel is as exercising the right to freedom of choice to the max! :)
ReplyDeleteHow proud you and Rachel must be! You grew up with an abusive jackass for a father, and now you've given little Ellie TWO loving fathers. Talk about making a better life for your children. WOW!
ReplyDeleteHa! That's funny, when I read it I envisioned two moms, but after your comment I looked again and it doesn't specify. In any case, congrats to Ruth and Rachel on not clinging to any old prejudice, especially considering how it must have been drilled into them from birth.
DeleteRuth did not specify the gender of the couple. Of course, the irony of two loving fathers given where Ruth and Rachel came from ironizes the narrative. However, considering how their mother, a woman who had been well-educated and independent and is now a shell of herself, compared to two women who have done the precise opposite, also has its own twist of irony.
DeleteWhat matters most is that Ellie will be raised in a loving home with tons of support and that Rachel is able to discover the real world and find her place in it.
"This grandmother talked about how, while the world was telling her otherwise, she chose to accept who her chidl was and to support her child regardless of her differences."
DeleteEmphasis added. I'm guessing they're women.
That's awesome that Rachel is doing well and the baby has such a great extended family. I'm glad that the grandmother's words about her own experience in dealing with her child gave comfort to Rachel. ISn't that all what we want: acceptance for who we are and what we think. They seem like great people. I hope Ruth is getting some rest and gearing up for her school work. Hang in there, girl. You have been a great support system, but it's time for you to have some Ruth time.
ReplyDeleteYou literally brought me to tears. How beautiful. Bless you both, and Ellie's adoptive family.
ReplyDeleteI just got goosebumps reading your update. I am so thankful that Ellie will be loved and adored by an extended family. I am glad that Rachel is happy with her choice. Continuing to pray for the best for both of you.
ReplyDeleteI think it's 2 moms, Ruth uses the word "her" to refer to the adoptive mom's differences. I'm glad that Rachel is doing okay.
ReplyDeleteWow! You and your sister have made huge leaps since leaving ATI. I am somewhat sorry that it took such drastic situation to get you both out of the cult, but I am so happy that you did. Since the idea of a same sex couple with an extended loving and accepting family living an ordinary couple life together was so inconceivable in ATI-world, what was Rachel's and your initial reaction to the concept?
ReplyDeleteWow. I'm tearing up here at this description of the adoptive family and their large circle of loving, supportive relatives. I wish I had that to give to my own children. What a beautiful way to do life!
ReplyDeletePeace and good will, SS
*Hugs* to you and Rachel! What an amazing beginning for little Ellie! One of my mentors in college and his partner adopted a little girl several years ago and I love seeing how happy they are together. I hope that you and Rachel find some 'normality' very soon.
ReplyDeleteHUGS
Well, that brought me to tears. I am thrilled for baby Ellie, and I send all my very best wishes to you and Rachel.
ReplyDeleteBless your heart. Bless all of your hearts.
ReplyDeleteI don't often comment, but I just had to say this post brought tears to my eyes. You don't know the future holds for Ellie, but you and Rachel can take comfort that at the time, you picked the best, most loving and accepting family you could find.
ReplyDeletethis brought tears to my eyes, too. thanks for being there for your sister. i know how hard that is, cause i've had to do it, too. stay strong and supportive.
ReplyDeleteI, too, am teary reading this post. Little Ellie has been given the most generous of gifts -- two loving parents and lots of supportive family. I wish I could have a fast-forward to Ellie at your age and ask her about her life!
ReplyDeleteHow beautiful, how wonderful that there is an entire family of people out there who are going to love her unconditionally. You're right; Ellie is going to have a family life her mother can not give her, a life her own parents refused her in turn. You two girls hold on to each other, be for each other as much as you can, but get out into your communities, get involved, make friends, and grow your own families.
ReplyDeleteAm I horrible to think that somewhere, Daddy Darth is gnashing his teeth, furious that there is a baby with a same sex couple?
ReplyDeleteI'm happy for both of you. I hope you can start living the lives you were meant to live. Ellie's family sounds awesome.
I thought the same thing. His flesh and blood is being raised by people he considers an abomination. I just hope he doesn't get so ticked off that he causes trouble for Ruth and Rachel.
ReplyDeleterpw and Unknown 11:50, I had those exact same thoughts. Love is love, no matter what the source, and DD will never understand that. If there is any indication of the hand of the divine in all of this, it's that Rachel was able to find a family for Ellie that overflows with the love and acceptance she never had from her own parents.
DeleteRuth and Rachel, at the risk of sounding patronizing, I'm SO proud of both of you. You're brave, amazing women, and this world is full of wonderful possibilities for both of you.
I'm so glad you feel so warmly towards Ellie's adoptive family. In the way she has chosen them, Rachel has demonstrated an immense maturity of Christian understanding - that it's not what you believe or what you do that matters, it's how much you LOVE. And by chosing the couple most likely to LOVE her daughter, I believe that Rachel has done exactly as Jesus would have.
ReplyDeleteThe family sounds soo amazing!
ReplyDeleteI'm positive Ellie will be raised in a wonderful environment and will turn out to be an amazing girl!
Bravo to you, Rachel, for being intelligent enough to know and understand, you were in no position to try and raise a child alone. God doesn't see you as anything other than his loving child, no matter what other's may say. Please remember, he is loving and forgiving!
ReplyDeleteI pray you realize what an amazing and selfless act you have bestowed on Ellie's new family. She will be loved, of that I am certain. May God keep blessing Ellie and her new family with love, patience, understanding, and kindness.
Also know the road ahead is full of challenges, meet them head on,and overcome the obstacles that will try to hold you back.You are loved by all who have read or keeps reading Ruth's blogs.And GOD LOVES YOU NO MATTER WHAT!
And to you, Ruth,
I pray with all that I have, you will find who you are and what God's plans for you are. What you've done took an amazing amount of courage. I know the road hasn't been easy, nor will get easier in an instant. It takes a long time. And unlike those who grew up where females have freedom of speech, a right to voice their opinion, and actually voice it, you were not. Your decision to leave home; as you knew it, may have been the best thing you could have done for yourself.You can learn about who you are, what you wish to achieve, and pursue those. Please beware though,there are many wolves in sheep's clothing (as I am sure you know), waiting to pounce on those who are "unworldly". May God Bless you and Rachel and keep you safe from harms way. Much Love and Blessings to you all.
That is so beautiful! That child will be surrounded by so much love and support.
ReplyDeleteWow, I have tears in my eyes picturing the warm and loving family greeting Ellie. Thank you for sharing this. My thoughts and prayers are with you and Rachel and Ellie and her adoptive family.
ReplyDeleteWow, I have tears in my eyes picturing the warm and loving family greeting Ellie. Thank you for sharing this. My thoughts and prayers are with you and Rachel and Ellie and her adoptive family.
ReplyDelete